Bereavement Strategy
Once a student or colleague returns after a bereavement, there are some common strategies that you can employ to help them deal with their loss. Remember that all of these suggestions should be taken just as that, and not every strategy will be appropriate or effective for every student.
Say their loved one’s name
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died if it comes up in conversation. Avoiding the issue might make them feel as though they are not allowed to talk about their loved one. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the person who has died.
Don’t get offended if they reject your support
If a student or colleague says they do not need your help, do not take this personally. They may have a lot of people helping them already, or they may prefer to take care of everything on their own. Respect their decision but be there for them if they change their mind.
Don’t be embarrassed if they cry
Grief can be unpredictable and bereaved people might react to their emotions in ways they can't anticipate. Remember that every emotion is normal and try not to become preoccupied by professional boundaries or office decorum.
Listen
If someone opens up to you about how they are feeling it can be difficult to know how to respond, but just listening to them can be very helpful. They might not be asking for advice, so don’t rush to give your opinion. Some people process their grief by telling their story over and over again. This can help with their healing, so be patient.
Offer practical help
Even if you aren’t able to offer emotional support to a grieving student, there may be practical ways that you can help. This may be something as simple as letting them know how to obtain extenuating circumstances for coursework, or offering to print/email the reading for any missed lectures. If you know that they have a close friend in your class, perhaps you could give them this information to share.
Signpost support
If you feel that a bereaved student requires more support than you or others at the university can provide then it might be best to recommend professional grief therapy. There are lots of bereavement support and grief counselling organisations in the UK than can help people with different types of loss.
Don't forget their bereavement
A bereaved person often has lots of support in the first days and weeks of their loss, but this can fade away after a few months. Bereaved people can grieve for the rest of their lives, and find it difficult to cope without their loved one for years after the death. Students tend to prefer informal help, such as peer support, rather than seeking professional advice, but this does not mean that you shouldn’t offer to help throughout the year.
You can find more guidance on helping the bereaved in our Help and Advice.