Patricia Godden (12 Jan 1936 - 10 Mar 2022)

In loving memory of Patricia Godden who sadly passed away on 10th March 2022
86 years is a long time and my mother didn’t sit around waiting for anyone, so I hope you are all sitting comfortably.

Patricia Joyce was born 1936 in Walsall, West Midlands to Ethel & Stan Riley. She was the eldest of three, followed, after seven years and a World War, by her brother Nick and then three years later by Steve who is here today.

Ethel worked hard as a leather worker and other jobs leaving Pat to do much of the caring for Nick and Steve. At fifteen, she left school for work and qualified as a very competent shorthand typist at Crabtree’s, the electrical equipment manufacturer where her father worked in the factory.

Her little brother Steve recalls going with her to her office. “It was like a large, ordered, classroom tightly packed with typists and noisy mechanical typewriters.” She showed him where her friends sat, the ones they used to meet outside of work. Pat was indeed a secretary!

Setting her sights higher, Pat moved to ICI where she stayed until she was 25 in 1961. Pat had no trouble finding boyfriends but with the prospect of settling down and living a similar life to her parents she chose to do things differently by signing up, with her friend Carol, to the £10 Pom scheme to live in New Zealand where she stayed for two years before moving on to Melbourne, Australia for three more years.

Australia had a population of 10m back in those days and I can only imagine how far away it must have seemed and how it different it must have felt.

Mum kept many of her letters and correspondence from that time and reading them feels like travelling back through time.

I found a photo of the Opera House, that was just scaffolding and timber frames at that time.

She loved fashion and I don’t think there is a photo with her wearing the same outfit twice.

In 1966, something inside Pat made her come back to the UK, briefly living back at home in Station Road, Rushall. However, a small house with two brothers now well over 6ft tall, you can imagine how difficult it must have been to settle there after her adventures.

As Steve described, “Her ambitions of security, recognition, respect, and position in the company of someone traditional, successful, and honest.” lead her to London.

This is where her next chapter began, starting in Kensington, before renting a large flat in New Row, Covent Garden above a greengrocer (now a waterstones) and after a while, Pat and with her love of clothes, joined the Clothing Institute as an ‘ea or executive assistant’ (as would be called now) to the Director and Company Secretary, Rowland William James Godden.

Now 1968, 32 years old she decided to settle down with this kind and gentle man who, 10 years her senior, shared the same values and was also keen to start a family. On 18th July 1968, they were married at St Martins in the Field and then moved to the leafy suburbs of Shirley, Croydon.

Rupert, my older brother came along in 69 followed by me in 72 and my mother devoted herself to “bringing us up proper”. As all of you know, she was a busy woman with an insatiable appetite to get things done. Including all the decorating in our house, wallpapering, painting and laying carpets – although her taste is still questionable - our carpets bright red and gold, with green and silver wallpaper – like something from a stately home - but not quite.

Not that many months ago I spent a lot of time reminiscing growing up in the 70s & 80s with my brother at Upper Shirley Road. Music always on in the kitchen. Dogs everywhere. Home cooked meals, Roast dinner every week without fail. Always making sure we were smartly dressed, clothes washed and ironed without fail. Putting our needs ahead of her own.

As we started to grow up, Pat went back to work as a school secretary at Orchard Way Primary School where she formed many more lifelong friendships including Eileen Pears, the Head teacher who is here today. From here on she set to reclaim her independent working life.

I remember when she got her OWN car in the early 80’s - a hand painted, crimson Datsun Cherry. She loved that car as it gave her back her freedom.

After retirement, my dad set up a publishing business and they worked on this together before setting up her own ‘CV’ writing business and then working for an adventure travel company called ‘Interchange’ where she took groups around the world as their ‘tour guide’ including Russia, Egypt and Eastern Europe.

During this time, my father suffered from a number of heart attacks which had a knock-on effect on my mother’s health.

Kidney failure being the most obvious that defined much of her life from that time, helping to fund raising nearly £750k for the SWTKF to build a research centre. Petitioning for more investment with Sir Harry Secombe at no. 10 Downing Street who was also an avid fund raiser. Working with Sir Richard Rogers, the architect and son of Dr William Rogers a kidney specialist. And then being a founding and active member of St Helier Association of Kidney Patients – or ‘SHAK’ as it was known. since 1986 - including producing the regular newsletter and events.

As Dr Mike Bending, her consultant and friend who is here today, said “Where ever she was in life, and that was near death when I first met her in 1983, she turned it into other people’s advantage.”

Since losing my dad in 1997, my mum carried on with the bowls club they set up together and her charity work. She enjoyed her ‘retirement’ years with Ron and her good friend Michael who was always there for her.

Health was never her strong point, but it never seemed to get her down. Through Diabetes, Osteoporosis, Cancer and heart issues she stoically carried on. Sadly, after a stroke in 2019, she never regained full strength in her body, which frustrated her, but her tongue and quick wit never failed.

After a visiting carer said, “ I don’t come here to be insulted’ – she replied ‘where do you go?’

Covid and lockdowns made everything so much harder as my mother never liked to be left alone. Janice and Dave, her wonderful next door neighbours went well beyond ‘being neighbourly’ - so for the last year or so of her life, we moved her into Rokewood Care home, a brand new, luxury development in Kenley and because of Covid, she was one of only a handful of residents, or ‘in-mates’ as she called them, that benefited from the undivided attention of the staff. I’d like to thank all the staff there for looking after her or should that be putting up with her.

‘a real character’ as Jan would say.

When my brother died last year it hit her pretty hard and the last few months were not much fun for her but the team at Rokewood did their best to keep her comfortable before a chest infection got the better of her and she finally let go.

I read that a kidney transplant lasts on average 15-20 years, less from a deceased donor, so at nearly 40 years she did pretty well.

Finally, I would like to thank everyone for their well wishes and comments, they have really helped. Many using words that best describe her such as…

…a remarkable lady full of courage, grit and determination.

Indomitable, a real force, a one-off.

That she was, my one and only mum, a sister and a wife. She lived a great life, full of colour and touched the hearts of so many.

I’d like to finish with an extract of a poem by Ellen Brenneman

Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched…
for nothing loved is ever lost
and she was loved so much.