Doreen Ann Emptage (23 Oct 1923 - 17 Feb 2021)

In loving memory of Doreen Ann Emptage who sadly passed away on 17th February 2021

Doreen (mum) was born in 1923 daughter of Edmund ‘Tom’ and Ann Davey and younger sister to Ellen and Stan. Tom and Ann were from working class families from East London and Lancashire. Mums early years were living and going to school (Porters Grange primary) in Southend on Sea. Aged 15 years at the outbreak of WWII at just 18yo she was enrolled in the Womens Royal Naval Service (WRNS) and posted to Sydney, Australia leaving her family to make a journey taking several weeks by ship. No Facetime or Whats App then. Not even a telephone in the Davey household.

Later back in the UK posted to Liverpool mum met and became fond of a US soldier. In amongst her papers Peter and I found a photograph and letter from Roland. Written shortly before D Day the letter was affectionate and loving and told mum that he didn’t know where he was headed as it was top secret but he would be in touch again just as soon as he could. He never was in touch again. His fate is unknown.

Hardly surprising then that mum was tough, resilient, self sufficient and capable, living life to the full and taking every opportunity to learn new skills and experience new things.

Several years later working at the Ekco factory near Priory Park in Southend mum met another Rowland who she married in 1947 at St Marys Church in Prittlewell. In 1950 Peter was born followed in 1954 by me (Andrew).

Mum took the big hits in life stoically and without complaint but she could get quite agitated about some of the smaller things and I’ve heard several times in recent days it commented that she didn’t ‘suffer fools gladly’. Probably an understatement. Generally this meant those that whined, showed a lack of common sense or weren’t trying 100% to deliver the level of service she felt she merited. Whining was a definite no no for Peter and I but fortunately for us in other respects we were granted some leniency and we always knew that we had mums full support and encouragement. Grandchildren (Julia, Lee and Neil) and Great Grandchildren (Emma, Lila, Austin and Ella) could do no wrong and in their case even occasional whining was allowed.

Mums independence and determination to not be a burden meant that for her family she was what could be characterised as ‘low maintenence’. This did however mean a requirement for those close to her to develop a level of mind reading skills. Not wanting to ever ask for anything meant a sharp ‘ you could die of hypothermia in here’ meant ‘would you mind turning the heating up please ?’. Not wanting to be a burden meant the perilous process of interpreting ‘I’m not feeling 100% but I’ll be alright’. Did that slight change in tone mean ‘if you and the paramedics aren’t here in the next 30 minutes I’m a gonner’ ?

Mum and dad married and started their family during a period of post war austerity. A time of make do and mend which they both, in their own ways, became very accomplished at. Later, mum when not working as secretary at Fairfax High School threw her energy and creativity into painting and drawing, floral arranging, jewellery making, pottery and dress making (for dolls and people) and she was good at all of them, always putting her all into her hobby including getting involved with the various clubs and competitions that went with them. She liked nothing more than a party or social event and would be centre stage as organiser, caterer or cheerleader not just at home but with her hobby clubs and the WRNS, WI and Townswomens Guild.

Blessed with ‘good genes’ mum remained youthful and sprightly into her nineties with a modern forward looking mentality. No ‘things were better in my day’ or bemoaning the ‘youth of today’ from mum. She embraced new technology, email, online grocery ordering and whats app. Taking a bad fall on the stairs at her flat she got herself back up where most others wouldn’t and then took a ‘selfie’ and posted it to the family whats app group.

In the end ‘good genes’ weren’t enough. Failed eyesight was a hammer blow taking away her ability to enjoy her creative skills, read, watch the soaps or communicate with her beloved family. It also took away her fiercely defended independence and last year she moved into Cedars Care Home. In the first week there was a party with a Neil Diamond tribute act and mum was up dancing along at her Zimmer. This hugely encouraging start was followed all too shortly by another hammer blow of pandemic induced isolation. Despite some sometimes heroic efforts of her carers we witnessed the heartbreaking deterioration of her will.

Mum, you were loved and an inspiration to us all. We hope we learnt enough from you for you to be as proud of us as we are to call you our mum, grandma, great grandma. RIP GG.