Olive Ellis-Williams (1 Oct 1931 - 17 Jun 2015)

In loving memory of the late Olive Ellis-Williams who sadly passed away on 17th June 2015 aged 83

THOUGHTS ABOUT MUM by Susan Jeary

What can I say about my Mum?

In the many cards and kind words we have received since her sudden death, friends and relatives have described her as ‘a treasured friend and inspiration’, ‘a role model’, ‘bursting with energy’, ‘an excellent time keeper’, great fun, brave and courageous, cheerful, loving (and lovely), kind, caring, gifted, modest yet proud, formidable, determined and wise.

She was all of those things, and I would add to the list – strong, stubborn, independent, loyal, dependable, principled and out-spoken. She always said what she thought was right, not worrying one jot whether her view would make her popular or not. In latter years she delighted in shocking her adult Grandchildren with some of the things she would say – resolutely refusing to be the stereotypical ‘little-old –lady’ that people who didn’t know her might have assumed her to be!

I recall taking her to see the Olympic men’s singles tennis finals at Wimbledon in 2014. Sitting on Henman Hill, totally unconcerned by the torrential rain, she was equally unflustered by the fact that she, elderly and diminutive, was one of about 3 people calling out for Federer amidst a sea of Murray supporters!

What can I say about my Mum?

That she was a devoted wife to our Dad, Dave, who was and remained the love of her life. She shared his passion and commitment to Comprehensive education and supported him ceaselessly through his career and failing health. Mainly for his sake, she provided a final home for his Mother and later his Aunt when each in turn was widowed, sacrificing the opportunity to resume her own career after bringing us up.

She was always a loving, supportive and dependable mother to me and Gwyneth. I once gave her a fridge magnet that read ‘Mums are like buttons, they hold everything together'. I was the ‘everyday daughter’, living just around the corner, while Gwyneth’s home in Sevenoaks was her favourite place to visit for Christmas and other holidays. She was loved and respected by our husbands, Pete and John, despite the robust banter that characterized many of their conversations! She always gave as good as she got and often got her retaliation in first!

She was a wonderful Nanna, admired and adored by her Grandchildren, Jonathan, Lois, Christopher and Anna. When they were younger she often looked after them, though we would have to book up her babysitting services well in advance to take account of her many activities and interests.

As many of you can testify, she was a loyal and loving friend and neighbor. She enjoyed sharing her home with several ‘lodgers’ over the years, becoming something of a second Mum to at least one of them, our dear friend Mary who was there to help her, and indeed probably saved her life, on the day she had her first heart attack back in 2011. Mum also welcomed and embraced our foster children, becoming their Nanna too for the time that they were with us.

Her courage strength and determination were probably best expressed in the way she made a new life for herself after Dad died in 1994. . She held herself together admirably throughout his illness and funeral, when she wore a navy flowered dress because he didn’t like her in black, and shed few if any tears in public in order not to ‘let him down’ as she saw it. I remember thinking that she would surely fall apart afterwards, but she didn’t. Yes she grieved and mourned him every day for 21 years, in her own private and dignified way.

But then she got on with rebuilding her life, renewing and strengthening friendships, and throwing herself into the life of her family and friends, Trinity Methodist church, and the local community. Politically republican and Liberal, she never ceased to take an interest in the wider world, especially in issues of inequality and injustice, and was an active member of Amnesty International, for whom she has requested donations in lieu of flowers.

A teacher before becoming a Mum, in later life she taught English as a 2nd language, served as a Governor and volunteer at Trinity Rd school, attended classes in Art and History, enjoyed the Theatre and concerts, joined a book group and was never without a pile of reading matter to be devoured. Here at Trinity for almost 50 years, she served in many and various ways, including visiting and helping many folk even more elderly or infirm than herself. She seemed to spend an awful lot of time over the years cooking for various events, despite hating cooking and suffering a recurring nightmare that she was expecting many guests but had no food for them! I guess we should add ‘dutiful’ to that list of virtues.

As many of you know, she also demonstrated enormous courage and a wonderfully positive spirit in the way she faced her own declining health over the past few years. She survived 2 minor heart attacks and a minor stroke. With just a little help with her garden and housework, and the support of family, wonderful neighbours and friends, she managed to continue living an independent life in the home she loved right up to the end. Not bad for someone who had been hospitalised for months with a weak heart at the age of 3!!

What can I say about my Mum?

Perhaps that she was a ‘virtuous woman, valued above Rubies’ as it says in Proverbs 31. She was certainly a woman of faith, her Christianity rooted in the Baptist church but lived out in Methodism ever since her marriage in 1954.

My Mum lived a long and complete life, and lived it well.

She loved much, and was much loved in return.