Bavani Coomaraswamy (26 Jan 1930 - 22 Nov 2020)

Funeral Director

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Private
Date
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In loving memory of Bavani Coomaraswamy who sadly passed away on 22nd November 2020

It is with deep sadness we announce the passing of our Amma (Mother), Bavani Coomaraswamy on the 22nd of November, 2020 in the UK. Bavani retired as a District Nurse in the NHS (National Health Service, UK), and later served as Director and Nurse Administrator of Care Homes of Distinction and was, among other, the recipient of the coveted 'Nurse of the Year', award for 2009, bestowed by the Surrey Care Association.

Bavani was predeceased by her parents, Kasipathipillai and Kanthimathy Ponnusamy, husband, Manunayagam Coomaraswamy, brother, Ponnusamy Ganendra, sister-in-law, Shirley, and sons, Mathan and Mayan.

Bavani leaves behind her brothers, Surendra (Ala) and Devendra (Ashra); sons, Manu and Mohan; daughters, Usha and Uttarai; daughters-in-law, Nicola, Renuka and Shamshad; sons-in-law, Bavan and Sriharan; grandsons, Arabind, Rajiv, Ahilan, Janahan, Shri Guru, Arunn, Mashaad, Shaman, Joshua and Jacob; granddaughters, Claire-Reka, Kasturi, Radha, Abbeyrame and Safaa; great grandchildren, Arjuna, Zara, Roshan, Nahla, Sophia, Tigerlily and Spencer; and many cousins, nephews, nieces, relatives and friends.

Funeral will be on on Saturday 05, December, 2020.
The coffin will lie at Stonemans Funeral Director's parlour in Doran Court, Reigate Road, Redhill, Surrey, RH1 6AZ, UK.
Telephone number:
01737 763456
The Hindu ceremony will take place at the funeral parlour, followed by cremation at the Surrey and Sussex Crematorium, Balcombe Road, Crawley, RH10 3NQ, UK.

Covid-19 restrictions will apply. Further details will be circulated. There will be a webcast set up to enable those unable to attend or are abroad to link up and partake in the ceremony.

Afsana and Elanko wrote

Aunty Bavani was always very kind and caring towards me. We made lovely memories on our outings together, which I fondly remember and often smile about, because she did cheeky naughty little things.

She showered her love over me and spent hours talking to me in person or on the phone. I would sit and listen to her memories of the past and never tired. She would tell me things she had done and how she had achieved them. I loved hearing her stories and had all the time in the world for her. Through her stories she kept giving me advice and she would tell me I made this mistake you must learn and not make the mistakes I made. She was always worried that people could taking advantage of my kind heart and would tell me "you don’t know the people". She was probably right, but I know she really cared for me and that was truly beautiful. She regarded me as her friend as she said you can tell things to friends and that you can’t tell others. She always wanted me to remember her in “her good days”, but for me all the days I saw her were good days for me.

Her enthusiasm and love for her family glowed from her as she told me stories about her children and family members who were close to her. She would take me to her room and show me her lovely possessions and she had a story about everything she had. I realised the things she had collected were not material things, but were her memories arranged and placed very carefully in her wardrobes. When she saw the things on the shelves she would smile and get excited as she remembered something that was dear to her.

She had the most amazing photo albums charting the family history and at times she would want me to help her arrange the photos. She wanted to give each child an album of their own, so they could pass their legacy and stories to their children.

I shared intimate beautiful moments with Aunty Bavani for which I am greatly blessed. An amazing and wonderful lady.

Aunty Bavani, your ever loving friend,

Afsana

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  • Thank you Afsana for your heartfelt and moving tribute to our beloved mother. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.❤🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 1/02/2021 Report abuse
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Afsana and Elanko lit a candle
Grace Moody wrote

A tribute to Nana

I would like first, to speak on behalf of Dadda
who isn’t here to speak for himself
or to say his Goodbyes
Or perhaps they are both out there somewhere, greeting each other…Who knows?

Nana went into labour on her birthday and the next day
Dadda was born

She had a habit of calling for him
shouting Mathan, in her times of need
Dadda used to joke, that if he heard Nana shout his name, there would, inevitably, be a hilarious story to share and laugh and reminisce about later

His mother would call his name
knowing he would always come
knowing he would always help
knowing he would always love her

Dadda wasn’t one for sentimentality but he was extremely loving
His love for her was pure and genuine and in his actions
He respected the battles she had fought, regardless of whether she lost or won

Quite simply - a son who loved his mother

Nana was also a grandmother and great grandmother

A grandmother like no other I had seen

She was Beautiful
Short
Her hair always back in a long plait
Wearing her green nurses uniform
Her nails long and well kept
She soaked in her evening bath and freshened her face with lemon
Her home always clean and organised
She drove fast!
Collected an array of tupperware, which she filled daily, to deliver food to her children and grandchildren. We affectionately called her - Meals on Wheels
Parippu and rice a staple in her kitchen
She had no time for idle chitchat after a meal out and would be the first to say - “shall we go”?
She picked me up from school when I was too young to travel on my own
We would make trips to the local leisure centre where she’d find great pleasure in her newly found skill, of floating on her back in the water, in that moment, without a care in the world
She could sleep anywhere - in or through the middle of anything
She loved chocolate and loved ice cream
Choc ices!!
You could always find a choc ice in her freezer, a marriage of her two favourite things - chocolate and ice cream
I wasn’t allowed sugary treats and neither was she but a handful of mini Celebrations and a choc ice, would be our daily shared secret!
She always had a collection of brand new perfumes in her cupboard and if I looked at them longingly, she would always offer me one
Dallas and Dynasty provided high drama, glitz, glamour and a TV ritual Nana never missed
She’d affectionally hold the apple of your cheeks in the tips of her dainty fingers
Breathing you, in her kisses
She provided a home, on Bedford Hill, when Mamma and I arrived back in London
Where I grew up
The home our family gathered in, ate in, fought in, loved in, laughed in
Her home
Filled with memories
A place that everyone seemed to live in at some point
Where Appappa passed away, with Nana by his side

I started this eulogy by saying
Nana was like no other grandmother I had ever seen
I said that, not because of the memories I just shared, but because of the woman she was

Independent. Intelligent. Sharp. Hardworking. Loyal. Generous

Adoring of her sons, adoring of her grandsons

For her Daughters
GrandDaughters and
Great GrandDaughters
She provided - An Example
An example that wasn’t tied up in pretty bows, nor was it always pleasant to be in its midst
Not even one she expressed through words but through action and through her achievements in life
An example that was way ahead of her time, especially as a woman of her generation and culture

There is so much from her life that I don’t know, don’t understand and wasn’t there to witness
What I did see, was a woman that was fearless
Never to be held back by her gender, education, age, circumstance. Nothing!
She Struggled and she Triumphed
She Struggled and she Triumphed!
She was a Woman and she was Strong

She had her own career.
Her own money.
Her own car.
Her own house.
She was her own woman.
And lived by her own rules.

She didn’t work within the lines of what is considered, a ‘woman’s place’
She taught me, that, as a woman, there really are no limitations
That even if it takes a fight, it is ours to be free

Never to be underestimated

Never to be overlooked

She was a force

Our grandmother was small in size but definitely mighty

Of this I am immensely proud

Nana may you always rest in peace

I love you


Your ever loving granddaughter

Claire-Reka

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  • Posted by Usha S on 1/02/2021 Report abuse
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Sanjay Rajendra wrote

Bavani Aunty , in the brief period I got to know you, your kindness, caring nature for everyone and the everlasting smile are the characteristics which I will always remember you with. You are my second Grandma andI am so glad have met you, and through you got to know a part of my family which I am so glad to have been introduced. You had a wonderful ,cherished , and colourful life so many could envy. yet it is all due to your hardworking and caring personality that you have achieved this. May your soul rest in peace

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  • Posted by Usha S on 1/02/2021 Report abuse
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Anandaraj Ponnambalam wrote

Dear Usha, I join in celebration of a gracious and full life, well lived.
May she rest in peace
Anan.

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  • Thank you Anan🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 13/12/2020 Report abuse
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Bhavani&Pratab Sivaprakasapillai wrote

Dear Usha, Our deepest condolences. Your mother was greatly admired for her grace, beauty, intellect and her generous and independent spirit.

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  • Thank you Bavani and Pratab🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 13/12/2020 Report abuse
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Linus Rajkumar wrote

You had a lovely and good hearted mother. Loosing a mother is always a great loss . May her soul Rest In Peace. Stay strong.

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  • Thank you Linus🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 13/12/2020 Report abuse
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Roy Chetty lit a candle
Abiramy Logeswaran wrote

வயது வித்தியாசம் பார்ப்பதில்லை அம்மாவின் கொஞ்சலில் மட்டும் இன்னும் குழந்தையாக...

Unfortunately, although I have never met Amma in person, I can imagine her greatness just based on the fact that she raised such a kind-hearted beautiful soul called Usha Aunty. Our deepest condolences to you and your family. You are in our prayers.

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  • Thank you Abiramy 🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 11/12/2020 Report abuse
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Abiramy Logeswaran lit a candle
Usha S Sri Skanda Rajah wrote

A Tribute to Nana

I would like first, to speak on behalf of Dadda
who isn’t here to speak for himself
or to say his Goodbyes
Or perhaps they are both out there somewhere, greeting each other…Who knows?

Nana went into labour on her birthday and the next day
Dadda was born

She had a habit of calling for him
shouting Mathan, in her times of need
Dadda used to joke, that if he heard Nana shout his name, there would, inevitably, be a hilarious story to share and laugh and reminisce about later

His mother would call his name
knowing he would always come
knowing he would always help
knowing he would always love her

Dadda wasn’t one for sentimentality but he was extremely loving
His love for her was pure and genuine and in his actions
He respected the battles she had fought, regardless of whether she lost or won

Quite simply - a son who loved his mother

Nana was also a grandmother and great grandmother

A grandmother like no other I had seen

She was Beautiful
Short
Her hair always back in a long plait
Wearing her green nurses uniform
Her nails long and well kept
She soaked in her evening bath and freshened her face with lemon
Her home always clean and organised

She drove fast!
Collected an array of tupperware, which she filled daily, to deliver food to her children and grandchildren. We affectionately called her - Meals on Wheels
Parippu and rice a staple in her kitchen
She had no time for idle chitchat after a meal out and would be the first to say - “shall we go”?

She picked me up from school when I was too young to travel on my own
We would make trips to the local leisure centre where she’d find great pleasure in her newly found skill, of floating on her back in the water, in that moment, without a care in the world
She could sleep anywhere - in or through the middle of anything
She loved chocolate and loved ice cream
Choc ices!!
You could always find a choc ice in her freezer, a marriage of her two favourite things - chocolate and ice cream
I wasn’t allowed sugary treats and neither was she but a handful of mini Celebrations and a choc ice, would be our daily shared secret!

She always had a collection of brand new perfumes in her cupboard and if I looked at them longingly, she would always offer me one
Dallas and Dynasty provided high drama, glitz, glamour and a TV ritual Nana never missed

She’d affectionally hold the apple of your cheeks in the tips of her dainty fingers
Breathing you, in her kisses

She provided a home, on Bedford Hill, when Mamma and I arrived back in London
Where I grew up
The home our family gathered in, ate in, fought in, loved in, laughed in
Her home
Filled with memories
A place that everyone seemed to live in at some point
Where Appappa passed away, with Nana by his side

I started this eulogy by saying
Nana was like no other grandmother I had ever seen
I said that, not because of the memories I just shared, but because of the woman she was

Independent. Intelligent. Sharp. Hardworking. Loyal. Generous

Adoring of her sons, adoring of her grandsons

For her Daughters
GrandDaughters and
Great GrandDaughters
She provided - An Example
An example that wasn’t tied up in pretty bows, nor was it always pleasant to be in its midst
Not even one she expressed through words but through action and through her achievements in life
An example that was way ahead of her time, especially as a woman of her generation and culture

There is so much from her life that I don’t know, don’t understand and wasn’t there to witness
What I did see, was a woman that was fearless
Never to be held back by her gender, education, age, circumstance. Nothing!
She Struggled and she Triumphed
She Struggled and she Triumphed!
She was a Woman and she was Strong

She had her own career.
Her own money.
Her own car.
Her own house.
She was her own woman.
And lived by her own rules.

She didn’t work within the lines of what is considered, a ‘woman’s place’
She taught me, that, as a woman, there really are no limitations
That even if it takes a fight, it is ours to be free

Never to be underestimated

Never to be overlooked

She was a force

Our grandmother was small in size but definitely mighty

Of this I am immensely proud

Nana may you always rest in peace

I love you

Your ever loving granddaughter

Claire-Reka


—————————

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SHANTHARUBY SELVANATHAN wrote

💐💐Rest in peace ur Amma & great story ur mom life

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Kumuthini Kunaratnam wrote

The heart that your mother had for others is a rare gift to the many people who had the privilege to know her and be blessed by her. My deepest condolences to you and your family ❤

"She holds us in so many ways
Carried us two hundred eighty days
Time together lessens each year
As we both learn to get over fears

Each time we must say goodbye
We expect that soon we'll be saying "Hi"
When at least she slips away to sleep
We pray the Lord her soul will keep

And on the day our time has come
To listen to the heavenly strum
We'll join her in new life with Him
Who's light will shine and never dim"
-Blake Flannery

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  • Thank you Kumuthini🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 13/12/2020 Report abuse
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Usha S Sri Skanda Rajah wrote

OMGOSH I forgot to mention Amma massaged her grown up children's feet with oil - always without asking. She knew a little reflexology. In later years when I hesitated and refused, she would insist. Sadly I never asked to do it for her😪
🙏🏼

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Thavendra Rajah wrote

"When your mother who carried you for nine months, and loved you like no other, is no more, it feels like part of you has been taken from you." --- Amen
Her soul may Rest In Peace!

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  • Thank you Thave🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 10/12/2020 Report abuse
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Thavendra Rajah lit a candle
Vignaraj Manickam wrote

Dear Usha. Please accept our warmest condolences. Do not fret that you were not beside her. In spirit you were. It is not easy to bear the loss of a mother. Hindu philosophy teaches us three facets of life. Creation: An act of love created us, yet it was the mother who joyfully bore the burden of carrying us for nine months. Protection: No act of emotion supersedes a mothers desire to protect her child. Destruction: This I leave to time, as it will take its toll. Time is also the eternal healer. Please remember Wendy and I are here to listen, comfort and lean on to at this time of your need. We are just a phone call away.

" There is No greater Sorrow than to Recall Happiness in Times of Misery" - Dante

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  • Thank you Vigna and Wendy🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 10/12/2020 Report abuse
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brian senewiratne wrote

she must nonetheless be so proud of the fact that she produced the irreplaceable Usha

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  • Thank you Brian🙏🏼

    Posted by Usha S on 10/12/2020 Report abuse
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Suresh Sriskandarajah lit a candle
Mashaad Coomaraswamy lit a candle
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Usha S Sri Skanda Rajah posted a picture
Amma❤ and me, Usha her daughter.

Amma❤ and me, Usha her daughter.

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Usha S Sri Skanda Rajah wrote

Amma - Enduring Memories of My Mother Forever Etched in My Heart

To my family and friends - near and dear, and all who loved my amazing Amma (mother), please understand the following words are both a tribute from a daughter and in some ways a catharsis for my unbearable loss and guilt for not being within touching distance during Amma's time of need and being unable to hold her in her dying moments.

I also want my grandchildren and their issues to read this one day and know my mother.

Our beloved Amma passed away on the 22nd of November in the UK. When your mother who carried you for nine months, and loved you like no other, is no more, it feels like part of you has been taken from you.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was time for her to go. But the pain of losing your mother is much like a stabbing pain in the heart, regardless. As I sat in my home, in Toronto, Canada and her loss sunk in, a sense of relief came over me. I think my mother's body was giving up on her. That is what the doctors believed. It was my belief too. The time had come for her to go.

I was blessed in that I was able to tell Amma I love her, in her ear, as she lay in hospital, with my brother Manu and sister Uttarai by her bedside. And before I knew it, like a person Inspired, I was chanting the Mahāmrityunjaya Mantra to her through Facetime - I was in fact invoking, in Sanskrit, the highest divine power there is, through the phone - the Hindu invocation to Lord Siva in essence reads like this: "Lift me - from darkness to light, from bondage to liberation, from death to immortality." Looking back that was indeed a profound moment for me.

Incredibly, I later saw Amma breathe her last - thanks to Uttarai - It so happened, just as Amma was breathing her last, my sister called on the phone again on facetime; she was elated Amma had opened her eyes and looked at her. It was divine will that I was there in my Amma's final moments albeit virtually. I am ever grateful to my sister for what she did. I am blown away that I would be so blessed; I saw for myself, yet again, God's grace and compassion in action.

It's been a few days since Amma passed. Memories of Amma come flooding in, memories that will be etched in my heart forever.

Understandably I am going through mixed emotions - of unbearable loss and pain; those feelings of inadequacy because of lost opportunities and of not doing more for my mother; those feelings also of immense gratitude for all the sacrifices Amma made for us and for the love she poured on us: also pride for her generosity to her children that never ceased even after we'd grown up; that extended to friends, relatives and people in need. I can't forget the time she gifted the palatial house her father built to me when I married.

Feelings of deep sadness also overcome me when I think of what she endured having lost her father, Kasipathipillai Ponnusamy at 9 years, who adored her, she used to always say, her early marriage and the difficulties she suffered - then for a moment my heart swells with joy when sweet memories of my childhood come to me in bright flashes, growing up with Amma and my Aiyah (father), Manunayagam Coomaraswamy, my Ammamma (my maternal grandmother), Kanthimathy Ponnusamy, my Sinnamma, (my grand aunt), Kanakamathy and Elaiaiyah, Sanagarajah (granduncle), my maternal uncles – Surendra Ponnusamy and Devendra Ponnusamy.

I remember her late brother, Ganendra, Rajah mama to us - how dear he was to her. I remember our great grandfather, Pethaiyah as he was referred to and revered by us all. He was talked of almost every day in our extended family home, although I wasn’t born when he passed. He was the Patriarch of the family and a source of strength to my grandmother - a young widow, and to my mother and uncles.

Amma went to Ladies College, Colombo and as a young mother and wife attended the famous Kathleen School of Dress Making, Ceylon and excelled in sewing; while in Norwood where Aiyah was posted as an 'executive engineer', she used to teach others, the proper meticulous art of dressmaking: teaching measuring, block and pattern making and how to do fit-ons; I wish I knew where her sewing scrap books are, just to relive those moments. She used to sew lovely dresses for me - beautiful party dresses that I can remember so vividly, they are in front of my eyes! She also knitted. Amma made delicious butter sponge cakes, love cakes and rich fruitcakes, sandwiches and short-eats; the layer sandwiches were my favourite - I can't forget the parties we had growing up.

I remember too the tough times Amma went through bringing us up, her children, four boys and two girls – Manu, Mohan, Mathan, Mayan, myself and Uttarai; and losing her 6th child, my baby brother, Mani, at infancy due to a congenital heart defect; I remember her anguish over the health and education of us, her children, and to see us do well; I feel deeply when I think of her own personal life and my father dying with her by his side - there was no denying she was in part behind my father's career successes as a civil engineer and rise to the top - and later my brothers would say she was behind their successes too.

I am in awe - when I recall her determination and sheer willpower that drove her to achieve great things - that made her take up nursing at a late age – working and retiring as a District Nurse in the NHS (UK National Health Service), and later serving as Director and Nurse Administrator of Care Homes of Distinction Ltd., in UK - owned and operated by my brother Manu - and pride and awe too when she was the recipient of the coveted, 'Nurse of the Year' award for 2009 from the Surrey Care Association.

From a housewife, Amma became a professional, caring for the sick and the elderly, driving her own car and owning houses both in the UK and back home in Ceylon, never depending on anyone. I remember Amma's love for plants and the way she cared for them, a trait I see in myself. She learned to swim at fifty, became a vegetarian and travelled a lot to Australia, Malaysia, Canada, India, Philippines, Europe and Ceylon.

I am overwhelmed when I remember how devastated Amma was when she lost her youngest and 4th son, my brother, Mayan. She was inconsolable, but she suppressed a lot of her grief - wondering inside why she still lived when he was gone; overwhelmed too, when I remember when she was stricken with cancer and had a mastectomy - all of which I strongly feel led to her getting Alzheimer’s disease in her last years. It breaks my heart that we lost another brother, Mathan, her 3rd son, only in January this year, to cancer - theirs was a bond so close, I feel Amma has joined Mathan.

I have huge regrets that it was too late for me to share what I know about Yoga with Amma before she developed Alzheimer’s. I am troubled by guilt that I was far away and didn't take pains and wasn't near enough to look after her - although she was so well looked after by Manu and Nicola and their dedicated staff at the Rutland Care Home where she was resident in her last years; gratitude is what I feel for the kind hearts who looked after her in her most vulnerable years.

Amma was blessed with 15 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren.

What brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart, which I will never forget, is her special way of kissing - where she puts her nose on the body and inhales - you could feel her love in that instant.

The thought that Amma is no more is heart-breaking but I am also at peace that she is in a good place now and through the power of meditation and prayer I can and will pray for her - it's a great feeling of strength that comes from Yoga and my deep faith - a reassurance that her soul will merge with the Supreme towards moksham or mukti: the release from the cycle of birth and death - emancipation, also known as self-realization - and my prayers would endure throughout.

Usha S Sri Skanda Rajah
Daughter

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  • Tears came out 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻May my grandma’s soul Rest In Peace Loving your grand daughter Sutha thileepan

    Posted by Sutha on 8/12/2020 Report abuse
  • Bavani Aunty was a rare gem, full of kindness and love for every one she met in her life. I can never forget the love she showered on me through all my good times and bad times. I will always remember her beautiful smile. A very caring person who had strived hard for her family. May her soul rest in peace. To Usha, Uttarai, Manu and Mohan- Please accept my heart felt sympathies Gowry Thampapillai (nee Thuraisamy) - Australia

    Posted by Gowry on 8/12/2020 Report abuse
  • Thank you Gowry❤

    Posted by Usha S on 11/12/2020 Report abuse
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On behalf of MATHAN Coomaraswamy Coomaraswamy lit a candle
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