Joan Mary Hawley (11 Sep 1930 - 13 Jun 2020)

In loving memory of Joan Mary Hawley who sadly passed away on 13th June 2020

Mum was born in 1930, on Verney Street in New Houghton, the youngest of 7 children. Her sisters Annie, Madge and Sally and brothers Jack, George and Walter, were important to her, as were her many nieces, nephews and their children, many of you represented here today. She had warm memories of her life in New Houghton, of a close knit community of friends and family, including many aunties, uncles and cousins.

Mum grew up in the war, leaving school at 14 when opportunities for working class women were very limited. After leaving school she had a number of jobs, in PA Woods and Beecrofts Milk Bar in Mansfield, the chemical plant in Bolsover and at the Viyella Mills in Pleasley Vale. She was clever, energetic, had an excellent memory and was a great talker.

She fell in love and married Cliff in 1950, initially living with her parents on Devonshire Street in New Houghton before moving to 29 Valley Road in Shirebrook, a house she loved and lived in for over 60 years, and where I was born. She was very practical she could bake, sew and knit, and she learned to type at evening classes.

In the 1960s Mum got a job at Brookfield School as a school welfare assistant. She loved working in school and stayed there for over 20 years: and although it probably wasn’t in her job description, she excelled at making costumes for school plays, washing the school football kit and of course sharing her memorable baking. Ian Mitchel an ex headteacher at the school said

“Joan was a good, loyal, friend with strong and deeply held social convictions.I was lucky to both have her on the Brookfield staff and to have known her.”

Mum loved my Dad and when he passed away in 1998, she was devastated, but she kept herself active in Shirebrook; she Chaired the Mobile Bus Project, an adult education initiative, sat on the Town Council, attended Labour Party meetings and was a Governor at Model Village Primary School. Hearing children read and attending school concerts was a real labour of love. She also gained great pleasure from her garden.

For Mum, community was important and it was the strength of the Shirebrook community and local services that helped her to stay in her own home as her health declined.

This was a difficult time and I want to thank the many people, including friends and neighbours, staff at Shires Health Care, Chesterfield Homehelp, Derbyshire Social Services and at Herries Lodge in Sheffield for their help with Mum’s care.

I also want to give very special thanks to Margaret, Mum’s next door neighbour for over 60 years, who visited her every single day to check on and support her as her dementia worsened.

Mum’s experience of dementia was at times distressing but it didn’t blunt her love or sociability and these qualities carried her though. She was always appreciative of the carers looking after her and whilst still at home she often insisted on making them sandwiches and tea. Mum could always surprise you and remarkably through the lock down she managed to chat to Paul and I using FaceTime, complaining about how old she looked on screen and advising me on how to deal with her wrinkled neck by applying the best face cream she had !

Mum really understood the value of education. When I was a child she never missed a parents evening, always dressing very smartly, a Mum to be proud of. She supported my education, but more widely she was keen for all children to succeed at school. Mum was bright and I’ve often wondered what she would have achieved with the opportunity for qualifications and a university education.

Mum was a woman with strong political convictions and a Labour Party member for most of her life. But for her politics was not just about which party you voted for but more importantly about values and how you lived your life. Very early in my life I remember being taught not to judge people by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character. Mum believed in equality she believed in the rights of everyone to a decent job and home and health service and that meant everyone. Her beliefs shaped her life and she was always willing to stand up and be counted.

Mum liked nice clothes and could describe in very great detail the clothes that auntie Emmy had made her when she was young. Mum could sew but she was also a keen clothes shopper and liked a bargain. I always thought that for Mum shopping was about the thrill of the chase rather than the actual items she bought. Marks and Spencers was one of her favourite shops. And we marvelled at her ability to buy in one branch, exchange things in another before finally get her money back in a third. Poor M&S!

Mum was a good friend and maintained many lifelong friendships; like those with Betty and Jack and Mary and Pete (Betty and Mary were Mum’s bridesmaids) and with Labour Party friends Freda and Ken Walker, Pam and Ken Fowles and Betty and Leo Fretwell. Also of course with the Becker family in Germany, a friendship that started with an exchange visit in 1974, resulted in many return visits and carries on today, through the generations.

Mum and Dad loved having visitors to 29 Valley Road. As a child I remember people coming back to our house after the Labour Party dances that they organised, drinking tea and the odd glass of whisky, eating Mum’s homemade bread, buns and mince pies and debating long into the night. I remember friends and family visiting us and the almond tarts and chocolate cake being bought out. Later when I left home Mum was always excited to tell me about who had visited, about letting children play on the stair lift and what she had given them to eat.

Mum loved to be greeted in the street by the children she knew and their parents and of course by our extended family. Latterly this could be slightly alarming, like the time when she happily told me that she had met a nice young man in Shirebrook market who had given her a kiss and a lift home with her shopping. Who was it I asked? I don’t know she said, but added confidently he was definitely one of our family.

Of course in Shirebrook, Mum was part of a very big family, a trip to Aldi, the Coop or the market took a very long time, because there had to be a conversation with all the people she knew and to be honest with people she didn’t know too.

Mum loved everyone and everyone loved her back. She lived at the heart of her community and I like to think that the community held her in their hearts.

What a better world it would be if we all lived our lives like that.

As I reflect today I know Mum’s life was a life lived well, full of love and as a friend said may love be what you remember most.