Nancy Saunders (Passed away 14 May 2020)

In loving memory of Nancy Saunders who sadly passed away on 14th May 2020.

Born 1921 , second daughter of Arthur and Ada Rice. A happy childhood spent in Godstone where her school friends all became lifelong friends.

She cycled every day to Oxted County Grammar School for Girls and remembered these rides, with her friend Lucy, right up until the end. She also remembered many of her teachers and although she says she used to frustrate them I am sure that she was viewed by them as a good humoured, good natured member of the school.

The Rice family were well known in Godstone and Nancy remembered her Aunts and Uncles and family friends with affection. One memory she has is of walking to Church along the path by Bay Pond in Godstone. She was taken by her Grandmother who used to sing hymns to her on the walk, Nancy had an excellent recall of these times and spoke particularly fondly of her Father, who she adored. One tragedy of her life was that her father passed away before Nancy was twenty one. He had promised her that he would teach her to drive but with his passing this didn't happen.

While living in Godstone her sister Janet had Jim and Judith, Mum's nephew and niece. There are some lovely photos of Mum in her Naafi uniform holding Jim. Judith moved to America but Jim had been a constant in Nancy's life and while she was in the home in Reigate, Jim used to visit her regularly and they could both reminisce about friends, family, events and places in Godstone. Nancy's recall of these times was something that never left her.

During the War Nancy worked in the NAAFI, rising to the post of manageress. She had a wealth of stories of the people she worked with and the many soldiers who she listened to and would been exactly the sort of person you need when you are looking for friendship and reassurance. Nancy had a manner that invited friendship without strings, conditions ,or provisos, and this made her popular with the people she worked with and the people she served and helped. Friendship was what she was good at and if you were a friend with Nancy then you were a friend for life.

After the war Nancy worked in Liptons in Redhill. While working there she became friendly with one of the customers, Ernest Saunders, a railway worker, whose wife, Ellen D'arcy, had tragically died in 1945. Ernest had five children, Edward, Betty, Maureen, Helen and Eileen. One reason why Nancy became aware of Ernest was that when he came in the Manager used to tell Nancy to give ' Mr Saunders a little bit extra' because the Manager was aware of Ernest's situation.

After the tragic death of his Mum Edward stayed with his Dad and Betty and Maureen were looked after by Auntie Florrie in their Grandparents house at Wiggie Lane. Helen and Eileen were cared for by Auntie Lena and Uncle Bert. Without the intervention of these adults the family would have been further split up with the children being placed in a home.

The friendship between Ernest and Nancy developed and Ernest had taken Edward down to Lipton's to meet Nancy and see if Edward gave his his approval, This must have been given and wedding plans were made.

Nancy and Ernest were married on October 2nd 1948 and after a honeymoon on the Isle of Wight. Nancy moved in with Ernest to 66, St John's Road, Redhill. This was a three bedroomed end of terrace house with an outside toilet, lino on the floor, a bamboo bookcase, a sideboard, a table and chairs, and not a lot else. As well as acquiring a husband, who could be described as not the easiest man in the world, Nancy also suddenly acquired five children who had suffered a considerable amount of trauma and upset. Nancy was to be Aunt Nan to the girls and Nan to Edward. How she did it no one really knows but in a very short time she had given these five children a home and a safe haven. Times were hard and only a miracle worker could have moved from a fairly comfortable existence to suddenly being married , move into a smallish house, gain five children overnight and in no time make those children feel safe and loved and do this on very limited resources. Nancy was such a miracle worker.

In 1950 David was born, followed by Caz, Jeff and Alan. There was never a time when any of us, felt that there was any division between. We all regarded each other as proper brothers and sisters with no favouritism or favour showed to one side or another. The second family always knew that they were showered with love by their older siblings and the concern that Nancy showed for them all was the umbrella that encompassed them all.

The house was always full of people , friends of the children always knew there was a welcome at 66 and very often Nancy would set off for a picnic on the top common with a whole host of children in tow. A veritable Pied Piper but one with whom the children were completely safe and many of those children still recall their outings with Mrs Saunders and the welcome they got at home.

At any one time there would be eight or nine people living at 66 and Nancy cooked and provided for them all. From a tiny cramped kitchen she would conjure up wonderful roast dinners, a whole host of cakes and buns and special treats such as eggs and cress rolls for birthdays. All from a blue enamelled New Era stove and a tiny metal table top. She didn't just work wonders at uniting a family, she also worked wonders in the kitchen The memories of all her children, and her Grandchildren. and some Great Grandchildren all contain passages that refer to her cooking and, more often than not, the chocolate buns she could magically produce.

In the 1950s life was hard but settled with Auntie and Uncle Palmer living next door and Mr and Mrs Hart and Frank and Jane living opposite. Auntie Palmer had been in service so always referred to Nancy as Mrs Saunders. Mrs Hart and Nancy were of much the same age but when Mrs Hart, Betty, and Nancy started calling each other by their first names Auntie Palmer[ but not a real Auntie, it was the title she was given], let her disapproval be known so, despite being the best of friends, [ Nancy had no other sort], and the best of neighbours, it was Mrs Saunders and Mrs Hart from then on.

Over time people got married and moved out and there was a little more space at 66. This was until the Hart family, a very tall, large family, had to leave their house and so, without question they came to live at 66. The house was really living up to its reputation as being a friendly haven for all.

The house was still the mothership to which we all returned. One memory which is common to a lot of us is that of the card games , often involving up to fifteen people around what has been described as a ridiculously small table. What is remembered are not the games themselves but the talk, laughter and general feeling of togetherness such games and times engendered.

Throughout these times Nancy never lost her capacity for friendship, for laughing at herself and for bestowing unconditional love on all her children. From Alan up to Edward we were all her children, a title we are enormously proud to own

As people got married and moved on new son and daughter in laws were introduced into the house. They all fell under Nancy's spell and added to the life and adventures at 66. If you were good to her children you were accepted without reservation, if you weren't good to them then heaven help you.

In time grandchildren began to appear and these were loved and worried about with the same care and concern shown to all of us. Nancy's love and concern was bottomless, she was as interested in the new arrivals just as much as she was concerned with what was happening with all of us. In their recollections the grandchildren and great grandchildren all reflect on the fact that their Granny was so interested in what they were doing and that she had the ability to make each one feel special. They also all mentioned her cooking and how somehow the buns and cakes were part of the comfort blanket she threw over everyone.

Nancy and Ernest had their fortieth wedding anniversary in 1988. This was celebrated by a large party held in a hall in Horley. As ever , it was a happy occasion with everyone appreciating the huge achievement of uniting and creating a family where everyone cared for and supported each other, None of this would have been possible without Nancy.

In 1996 Ernest passed away at the age of eighty nine. Throughout all his married life, and particularly in his declining years Nancy cared for him with love and devotion. His wants and needs came first and , although as mentioned, he could be a difficult man , he was proud of his family and Nancy loved him . She was an example of how to give love to us all.

After Ernest died all of the family wanted to show Nancy how much she was loved and appreciated and so as well as being brilliantly cared for by Jeff and Alan at 66 she had forays abroad with Betty and Nancy, had huge family gatherings down in Broadstairs with Eileen and Tony, was constantly visited and supported by Helen and Doug. She spent happy times with Maureen , very, very sadly without Tony around, whom she loved dearly, had good times with David and Anthea and holidayed with them and Anthea's parents.She had good times with Caz, and then with Caz and Ian in Ross. She visited Edward and Sue and spent happy times with them as well as having a holiday in Croatia with her friend Lucy.

All, this time the family was growing and Nancy continued to show as much care, concern and interest in the new arrivals as she did with every member of the family. It didn't matter if their Mum or Dad called Nancy Aunt Nan, Nan, or Mum, to the new arrivals she was Gran, no debate, no question, no problem. When Eileen married Tony and the three Hart children were welcomed into the fold Nancy showed as much interest in them as she would any addition to the family. Her capacity for love and concern really was boundless. That was her gift and what drew people to her. To her everyone was special and so she became special to them. A simple formula but one only the truly gifted possess.

During this time Nancy was becoming frailer and Jeff and Alan took excellent care of her all the time letting her still believe that she was looking after them. In 2009 Alan married Deborah and Nancy spent some considerable time having breaks in the homes of all her children but Jeff , along with working very long days, took on the role of caring for Nancy. As well as increasing frailty there were signs that she was finding life confusing but she never lost her sense of humour and the ability to extract laughter from almost any situation.

One absolute highlight of this time was her ninetieth birthday celebration held in the village hall in Smallfields. This was in 2011 with the hall decked out with family photos and NAAFI memorabilia. All her children and grandchildren were there along with many of the friends she had made over the years, remember if you were friends with Nancy you were a friend for life. Along with those there were friends and relatives from Godstone as well as many of the friends of her children who wanted to show their love appreciation and support.

Speeches were made and then Nancy took the microphone and gave a stunning speech about taking on the family, how much she loved us all and how she felt so blessed to be surrounded by so many people who were dear to her. It really was her finest hour.

Her physical and mental health continued to decline and then. in 2014 Caz moved Nancy down to Ross with her and Ian. This move did give Nancy a new lease of life and she developed a whole new host of friends and admirers. Caz and Ian involved her in all they did and she acquired as Caz would say, ' A ridiculously large, but thoroughly deserved, fan base.'

The friends from Ross were too many to mention but Carol from the barn next door, along with Richard and Nick and a whole host of others all deserve an honourable mention. An example of her reach and spread can be found in the story where one of Caz's and therefore Mum's friends was walking recently and fell into a socially distanced conversation with a complete stranger. They mentioned the virus and Alan, the friend mentioned that an elderly person he knew had just passed away. ' Do you mean Nancy?' asked the complete stranger.

These haven't been an easy few years and tragically,Betty, the oldest of the girls , passed away in 2018. A horrible loss to bear. This was followed by the devastating death of Caz in 2019. Caz had done so much, and given up so much to make Nancy's declining years vibrant, exciting and full of friends and experiences. We are convinced that the care that Caz gave extended Nancy's life by a considerable number of years. Caz had provided Nancy with hugely conscientious carers, firstly the staff at Ashfield care and then Briony, Sophie and Kate. They did provide her with the most wonderful care.

With Caz passing away the family was faced with a terrible dilemma. Nancy could not manage any sort of steps, indeed she was losing all mobility, and her level of confusion was increasing and no one could assume the role that Caz had so selflessly and willingly undertaken. The resolve was to bring Nancy back to Surrey so that she could be nearer to the family and her Surrey friends and neighbours- if you were a neighbour you could not help but become a friend.

Thankfully, the family selected the Beaumont Care Home in Reigate and not for one second have any of the family cause to regret this decision. When Nancy entered the home she thrived under the considerate and skilful care she received from all the staff. Her mental and physical conditions continued to diminish but she was always delighted to see all her visitors and she must have been the envy of the other residents because she wasn't only visited by the family but by Caz's friends and Briony even came up from Wales to visit her a couple of times . Despite her waning faculties she recognised her grand daughter , Sarah who she hadn't seen for years and equally recognised her grandson Tim when he came on a visit over from Australia. That well of love and concern never ran dry.

Special mention must be made of Jeff, Alan and Deborah who timetabled it that Mum was visited every day.

It is beyond cruel that after a lifetime of being surrounded by family and friends that Nancy could have no visitors during her last few weeks. The hope is that a corner of her mind knew that she had all our love and good wishes flowing her way. She was an exceptional lady and although we could not see her at the end she will live forever in our memories. Farewell Nancy, we all owe you a debt that we can only repay by following your example and show love and kindness to all we know and meet.

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Through this website you can donate to Cancer Concern. However you might like to do this independently or , if you like give a donation to a charity of your choice in memory of Nancy.

Alternatively, just do a random act of kindness or contact someone you haven't been in touch with for a while. In that was you will be acting in a way that is true to her memory and spirit.

She loved and was interested in you all.