Betty Dianne Large (18 Oct 1940 - 3 May 2020)

In loving memory of Betty Dianne Large who sadly passed away on Sunday 3rd May 2020 aged 79.
She will be missed by her loving family and friends.
The family have requested donations in memory of Betty for
'Battersea Dogs Home'
These may be sent C/O John Weir Funeral Directors
31, Parkwood Green
Rainham,
Kent.
ME8 9PW

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Eulogy given at the service by Mike Large, Betty's son

I have made a living out of words for the last 34 years. My entire career has been built on being able to find the right words and phrases to sum up just about any situation, good or bad.

But when I sat down to write this, I found that it was a near impossible task to find the words that would do justice to what an incredible woman my mum was.

The devoted, dedicated, truly wonderful wife; the loving, supportive, inspiring mum; the doting, kind, caring nanny; the loyal, thoughtful, generous friend.

Mum and dad would have been married 57 years this year. I don’t need to tell any of you that theirs was the most incredible relationship. In my 51 years I never heard them have an argument – as incredible as that sounds, it is absolutely true. They were the most perfect partnership. We often hear the term ‘soulmates’ but they were the true definition of this – theirs was a marriage that was one in a million.

Even in mum’s last few days, she would get out of bed in the early evening and zip into dad’s bedroom on her little motor scooter for a cup of tea to watch some old crime drama on ITV3 with him.

As the programme came to an end, she would fire up her wheels again and head back to bed calling “I love you darling, see you in the morning”. Dad would respond tenderly in the same way.

But this was no automatic, laboured exchange borne out of familiarity. They weren’t simply going through the motions – they meant it, they really meant it. Theirs was a love affair that truly did last a lifetime.

To Russ and me she was the most perfect mum. We were incredibly fortunate to be brought up in a home that was warm, loving, supportive and caring. We count ourselves lucky to have had a mum (and a dad come to that) who put us at the very centre of their world, but not in a smothering or overbearing way.

Mum let me make my own decisions and never judged me when I got it wrong, which I did often. She and dad were there to pick up the pieces, dust me off and help me move forward again.

They got the balance just right – which, as a parent myself, I know is an extraordinary achievement. If I can be even half the parent that my mum was, I will be lucky.

Mum was always there for us. She would be seen every weekend often on the rain-soaked touchlines of football and rugby pitches, offering the referee the benefit of her advice, and sometimes the use of her glasses.

She was our unofficial taxi driver – when the choice came down to either paying for a kebab or a taxi ride home after a night out in Maidstone, there were too many occasions when Russ and I opted for the late night snack and called mum to save us from a long walk home up the hill. She never failed to sneak out of bed without waking dad to set off on this mercy mission.

These are of course silly, light-hearted examples which don’t come close to reflecting what a naturally instinctive mother she was. She never had to try to be the best mum in the world – it was second nature to her.

I also owe mum a huge debt of thanks for helping to set me off on my childhood dream of becoming a journalist. Less than halfway through my A-levels, I decided I wanted to leave school and go to work for the Kent Messenger, making cups of tea for the editor, as a way of getting my foot in the door. It would be on a Government Youth Training Scheme that paid £26.50 a week so they would also have to support me financially. Mum didn’t bat an eyelid when I told her my grand plan and dad was also in my corner, although I think mum’s persuasive skills helped to get him over the line. “You can always go to college and complete your course,” she wisely said. Fortunately, I didn’t have to, but I often wonder where I’d be today if she hadn’t offered me her full and unwavering support.

Mum and Russ forged a special bond when, as you heard Annie mention earlier, my brother was very ill as a young child. She cared for him and nursed him through his serious illness. I want to pay tribute to my brother today because for the last five years, the roles have been reversed. He has been both mum and dad’s carer, a 24/7 role that he has adopted without a thought for himself.

I don’t know what we would have done had Russ not been able to be on hand, day and night, to look after them and I want to thank him for everything he has done, and continues to do, for dad.

Jordan, Ruby, Flo and, most recently, Lexi were the apples of their nanny’s eye. She lavished love on them and obviously spoilt them rotten, too. After all that is a grandmother’s prerogative.

Christmas was a particularly magical time and presents for them from nanny and Gramps overflowed from their Santa sacks but the thing that the children loved the most were the special bags that nanny put together, full of small gifts that she had taken time and effort to choose. Just one example of the thought that mum put into make every moment with her grandchildren count.

One thing that she has regretted, and very much missed in recent years, was not being able to get to the shops to choose their gifts. But last Christmas she became a silver surfer and went online. After very careful consideration she bought the three girls beautiful bracelets which they will cherish forever. It also reminds me that nanny wanted me to give the girls a tenner each for Easter because she hadn’t been able to buy them chocolate eggs, I mustn’t forget to hand over that cash!

And finally, mum wasn’t just amazing when it came to her own family. She was a good friend to so many people, she was universally liked and loved by everyone who met her. Mum never had a bad word to say about anyone and the same was true for her. She would always go out of her way to help anyone, selflessly putting everyone else’s needs before her own.

But in recent years ill health took hold and she was increasingly confined to home, no longer able to drop elderly neighbours to the hospital or go on supermarket trips to stock up on shopping for them.

Even though she was in constant pain because of crippling osteoporosis and debilitating Parkinson’s Disease, she was always more concerned about how everyone else was, how they were feeling. She never once complained about her own problems and had a smile on her face right to the end.

My mum was an extraordinary woman - and I love her more than words could ever say.