Joyce Clarice Gill (10 Dec 1930 - 9 May 2020)

In loving memory of Joyce Clarice Gill who sadly passed away on 9th May 2020

Joyce Gill – A kind of Eulogy
Shortly after my Father’s death I recall a conversation I had with my Mother about death and recall her saying very firmly that she had had a wonderful life and was not afraid when her time finally came. At the time I shrugged off the comment as it felt inappropriate to discuss but since her passing it has comforted me and it got me thinking more and more about her and what her legacy was?

In her early life she supported her own Mother, Evelyn who was nearly blind and she fiercely protected her little brother Dennis happily tolerating his tagging along wherever she went. She met Bob when she was 15 and he immediately was smitten by her beauty but her Father Percy, was very strict and they were only allowed to ‘date’ with others present including little Dennis who despite being offered (and accepting) the odd bribe to give them some space still insisted on staying around. Whilst she dreamed of love, she also dreamed of South Sea Islands and visiting the Island from the book ‘Coral Island’.

She married Bob when she was twenty-one and what a love story, everyone who knew them could not help but notice the absolute devotion between them which lasted all the years they were together! As part of her commitment to her marriage and partnership she made many sacrifices so that Bob could re-train as an accountant and follow his career dreams. She became a very proficient silver service waitress which enabled her to work around her children, Robert and Kathleen for many years and even later she became a very experienced rose grower. Joyce enjoyed with her family, camping and joining the Camping Club spending weekends and weeks camping both in fields and on camping sites (we all liked the sites much better as they had much better facilities) and she became as a result of this an arch-packer of cars and trailers. I recall Robert and I sitting on the back seat on which had been laid with at least 4 sleeping bags so our heads almost touched the ceiling and surrounded by pillows. On the back of the seat in front was 12 pockets she’d made out of old cloth and in each pocket was a treat to keep us occupied (half way was usually sandwiches – Mum was ever the pragmatist) It was around this time Dad and Mum became born again Christians and we spent a wonderful week at Butlins each year on a religious retreat (they kept the funfair and swimming pool open so that was okay). I also recall wonderful Christmas traditions which I carried on with my own children of waking up on Christmas morning to long socks on our beds laying heavy on our feet stuffed with presents, sweets, Apple, Orange and cracking nuts (since there was no nut cracker provided Rob and I dutifully popped them back into the bowl later). There were further delights stacked up in the lounge for us to open – only after the breakfast pots were washed and table set for Christmas Lunch of course.

When I got married, she planned our wedding right down to the finest detail with them both as the hosts delighting to welcome everyone and ensuring a good time was had by all. Her party planning abilities made for some wonderful celebrations over the years where they enjoyed entertaining family and friends. Mum was delighted when her grandchildren Samantha and Carla finally arrived and threw herself with Dad into entertaining and looking after them whenever they could. They designed SamNCarla Villa a little House full of things to play with for them and spent hours of joy with them

Mum was a recycler before anyone had even heard of it, she recycled everything and only disposed of anything once it had exhausted all its possibilities or she had concluded regretfully that it didn’t have any possibilities at all. My Father often wore underwear she had made out of her old dresses which to be fair he didn’t mind as long as she stopped telling everyone. Mum’s thriftiness was legendary 😊

She was strong and purposeful to anything she put her mind to and supported Dad with his business aspirations in his fifties and later supported him in his fight with cancer and was his main support for a long time fiercely guarding her role as his sole carer. She struggled with the effects of at that point mild Alzheimer’s and when he passed on, she was devastated, and we were worried that she would not cope but we were wrong. She toughed it out commenting that life is a gift and it would be terribly wrong to give up and so she went on. She was grimly determined to be her own person and make her own decisions firmly but gently rebuffing any attempts from Rob and I to guide, suggest or persuade and while we watched nervously she got out there and joined her Church family in activities. She popped to her neighbours for coffee and then discovered the Tram (along with her free pass) and headed off on little away days determined to live her life her way and as fully as she could. She also had some holidays with her Granddaughters and with Rob, Sam and I and her last holiday was with Robert in the Cotswolds shortly before her fall which led her moving to the Grange Nursing Home.

Rob and I felt warmed and touched by the level of grief expressed at her passing by family and friends and also by the nurses and carers in her final home who had all become her family in the past nine months. Some gave up precious time off to come and sit with her as she slowly slipped away from us and pretty much all of them spent some time with her at the end. ‘She was my favourite; we all loved Joyce and will miss her terribly’ said one of her carers to me with much sadness in his voice.

I thought of all the things that I could say which would define her, she was a loving wife, mother and GanGan, she loved her Church. But these were not the only things that defined her. She was a woman of strong convictions and principles which she stuck by throughout her life ready to make personal sacrifices if there was a need for it. She did not give up, she was quietly strong and occasionally fierce when she felt it was called for. I rarely saw her when she was not purposeful and busy about something.

She wasn’t so much a woman of the times but a shining example of a woman of her generation.

To paraphrase “Surely goodness and mercy will follow all the days of her life and she shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever…”