Tom Busby (8 Dec 1999 - 28 Mar 2020)

March 28th 2021: One year on I have added a photo of Tom's grave

https://photos.google.com/album/AF1QipME_6c1nVve6PYaUdDuYP4uUoei5BUspSExrh4s

In loving memory of Tom Busby who sadly passed away on 28th March 2020. He fell asleep, peacefully, at home.

With the current Covid-19 issues the funeral could only be for 10 immediate family and friends. This obituary was something we could do for all Tom's family and friends. We have decided to celebrate Tom's life when social distancing will have relaxed. It will be in Lincoln, at a time and place to be confirmed, and all of Tom's friends and family are welcome.
We will keep you posted as arrangements are made.

Tom's epitaph reads
"The brightest smile and a beautiful soul,
He was a gift for everyone".

Tom's ashes were buried at St Andrew's Church, Sempringham between our village of Pointon and Billingborough. It is a lovely church set in rolling countryside and a place Tom loved to walk to with his dog Jinks. It is a beautiful place, close to his home and village where his heart was.

Tom was a mischievous, thrill seeking and truly loving young man who would engage and attract people with his winning smile. He was intuitive and intelligent and sought to help others by befriending and making them feel good. He made many life-long friends this way, touching their hearts with his warmth and love. His nature was contagious-we wished we could bottle it and share it with the whole world and it ensured his family were, and remain strong and happy with pure love for each other. He was magical and has given us a life time of amazing memories and taught us how to be the best , considerate and caring. Tom has left a massive hole in our lives but gave us so much and we were so privileged to have had him in our lives - we were, truly, the lucky ones.

He had a difficult entry into the world and it left him with many issues. The team of doctors and nurses at the The Hospital Metropolitano in Quito, Ecuador saved Tom's life so he was our gift; our treasure, and we had nothing to be sad or angry about. The dystonic nature of his cerebral palsy was always very tough on him. He never let this stop him and lived life to the full - each day started with a cheeky smile and hiya. Tom had a lot of trials and painful times with his condition but he always pulled through, managing a smile at the most difficult of times. The post-mortem could find no specific cause of death. Possibly histology and tissue tests over the next few months will reveal a cause.......but knowing what an enigma our boy was it wouldn't be a surprise if the tests do not. There were many times when we thought we may lose Tom and it took its toll on his body, especially as the "spasms" were internal as well as visible in his limbs. Most of Tom's friends and family were never aware of how serious these episodes were and Tom wanted it that way.

We have always been a family with a disabled child - never a disabled family and we did everything together.....to the max. Tom was all about enjoying his experiences. He has ridden pillion on a 1200 cc motorbike, with no helmet, for miles across an unnamed section of gated crown land. In his time he holidayed in the Canaries 14 times; France twice; Spain 12 times; Belgium twice; The USA 5 times and Mexico twice. I haven't included the many holidays in the UK. Tom loved Rugby, because his brother plays, and had so many lovely days at Boston, Spalding and Newark Rugby Clubs. He watched England at Twickenham a dozen times or more and screamed the stadium down when we beat the All Blacks in 2012. His other passion was for Leicester Tigers who he adored and whose flags, photos and souvenirs adorn his bedroom. The last match he supported at Welford Road was the victory against Wasps with his Uncle Rob and cousin Lara in February. All memories that we treasure forever.

Tom loved St Francis School in Lincoln where he spent 12 happy years. We will be eternally grateful to the love and care of the teachers, TAs and support staff and we wish to speak a great deal more about you all at the celebration in December. Tom joined Daybreak at Grantham College in September 2019 and thoroughly enjoyed himself here as well.

Tom wanted to be independent of his parents and we wanted this as well. For the last eight months with Kim, Danny, Demi and Jazz he was able to do so - living in his home, but living as a young man and not a child. He had a blast - again it was all about experiences, including a trip to see Strictly Come Dancing and his first concert at a James Arthur gig. The person responsible for this is Jazz. She knew him as his TA at school for years and we knew they had a special connection. For Tom to have Jazz as his care manager was wonderful. He was in love with Jazz...the kind of love that we thought Tom would never experience and for which we are so happy.

We could write many stories and recollect thousands of moments about Tom and so can you, his family, teachers and friends. Please upload your photos and write your memories, even just a few words, in this space we have created for Tom. Thank you to those who have already shared photographs with us and please keep them coming.
If you can, help us celebrate Tom's life later this year in a manner that befits Tom's personality.

Once again here is a link to the photos that we shared in early April at

https://photos.app.goo.gl/zXX5K5hGqjdAoX6R9

Tom's Eulogy: for all his family and friends who were not allowed to attend the funeral on May 1st 2020.

Tom’s arrival into the world came with a bumpy landing.
We were lucky enough to be in the best hospital in Ecuador, with a gynaecologist and paediatrician in the delivery room and a crash team next door. They saved his life but it was another week before we knew for certain that he was going to make it.
The 8th December 1999 is an auspicious Catholic Saints day and our Ecuadorean friends mustered many people in prayer for Tom that evening. The volcano, which sits behind the city of Quito, gave a large eruption of ash that fell over the hospital. It is rather appropriate that the volcano’s name is “Baby Pichincha”.

We realised from the start what an incredible gift and just how special he was right from the beginning and we always believed he chose us. What we did not realise, but found out within just 5 or 6 weeks, was that he had a charm, smile and warmth that he gifted to everyone around him. We just need to look at the messages filled with love and joy from friends and relatives posted on his obituary and social media to understand this.

We have written a couple of stories about Tom in his obituary and we, along with his family and friends, will share many more at the celebration of his life late this year.

What you most certainly do not know is that at just 6 weeks old he was smiling and charming people whilst looking over his mum’s shoulder, making strangers coo with his winning smile. One of his best and most important friends, Martine, was caught just like this.

Tom used his enigmatic smile to reel people in – he knew he looked good and used that to flirt with people by fluttering his long eye lashes and saying ‘hiya’. He often caught a pretty woman unawares with his wandering hand – then would smile all sweetness and innocence.

Joe, his brother, has so many happy memories of living with Tom. "Waking up in Spain and the Canaries when they always shared a bedroom to loud and repetitive abuse to make sure he was up and awake. The laughter, the jokes and just sitting with Tom cuddling him on the sofa watching a comedy on TV.
Joe wants Tom to know that he was taught to take every person as they come, to never judge, and to look for and support those who had additional or special needs".

Jazz has written these words about Tom.
'Tom, our superstar who could light up a room and create the best atmosphere, with just his gorgeous smile. He was such an incredible person to be around; he saw the positive in everything and made the most of every day. He simply loved life.
Spending time with Tom, watching him grow in confidence, try new things and become more independent, was just the best.
But my favourite memories have got to be the holidays to Kielder. During the day we would take part in multiple outdoor adventure activities. Tom's favourites were the King Swing, Zipwire and Sailing, although he got excited to try anything and gave everything a go!
Later in the evening we would socialise, Tom would attract lots of people of course, (staff and other visitors) some of these became our friends. Finally, we would have an hour relaxing in the hydrotherapy pool before bed. Ready for more fun the next day!
I miss Tom terribly, but I am so grateful to have these wonderful memories which i will treasure forever. He holds a very special place in my heart and always will”.

He taught his whole family so much and made us better people and parents by being patient and valuing all the time we spent together. We learned not to sweat the small stuff and worry about the insignificant things in life but rather to laugh at them. If we were ever wound up or stressed, he’d just say ‘oh no’ which was a quick reality check. He’d hate it when we were sad and never failed to give us a reason to cheer up because if we were happy then he was happy.
Tom found happiness and excitement in experiences. Travel to foreign lands, rugby matches, going to the pub or a museum. He lapped it all up with his ferocious concentration and would remember it all in detail. His brother, Joe, would take him through his scuba diving videos while Tom was in the shower, for that little touch of realism.
We miss Tom so much. The world misses Tom.

We cherished every day we had with him and the loss is so very hard to bear sometimes. But we know that Tom had a life of love and adventure and that he believed in himself and was proud of who he was. He grew into a beautiful, lovely young man who fell in love with Jazz. We are so grateful that his heart was shaped by this experience; a rare and precious thing for all of us, let alone for Tom.

His love is within us, stored in our hearts for ever. He will always be with us because there is no way, even now, that he isn’t keeping an eye on all of whom he loves. I am not sure where this is from but there is a passage we read that states “there are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone the light remains”.
Tom, this perfectly describes your legacy.

We will honour you in everything we do going forward, for your light is our guide; like your soul, it is a beacon of beauty and love.

Rob, Tom’s uncle concludes
“I wanted to add my own words to reflect the way Tom has touched and enriched myself and my Families lives but I am at a loss as to what to say, that hasn’t already been expressed. So I want to read you a poem that I know by Elizabeth Frye, that does a far better job of explaining my feelings and belief.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!).......

When I am gone, release me, let me go.
I have so many things to see and do,
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me in happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I travelled on alone.

So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It is only for a while that we must part,
So treasure the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on.
And if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear,
All my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and a 'Welcome Home'.

Mary Elizabeth Frye.

God Bless Tommy Buzz”

23rd July 2020
Tom's ashes were buried in the Churchyard at St Andrews Church, Sempringham on Thursday 23rd July 2020. Twenty of Tom's closest family and friends were able to attend. His grave is in a beautiful setting.

Tom's epitaph reads
"The brightest smile and a beautiful soul,
He was a gift for everyone".

I have posted 2 photos on this site. There are more at

https://photos.google.com/album/AF1QipME_6c1nVve6PYaUdDuYP4uUoei5BUspSExrh4s

The churchyard can be found at
https://goo.gl/maps/v6WQrz3Bogq2wMq98 (Google Maps)