Sydney George Vaughan (25 Sep 1930 - 23 Oct 2018)

In loving memory of Sydney George Vaughan who sadly passed away on 23rd October 2018.

By request family flowers only please, but if desired donations can be made on the Just Giving section of this page to either 'Dementia UK' or 'Macmillan Cancer Support' or sent to C Terry Funeral Services, 244 Bulwell High Road, Bulwell, Nottingham, NG6 8NU. A donation box will also be taken on the funeral.

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Obituary/Eulogy from Laraine (Sydney's daughter):

Thank you to everyone for being here today to join us in paying tribute to our lovely Dad, Sydney. The amount of people here is testament to how much Dad was regarded and loved.

Sydney George Vaughan was born in 1930 in a small mining village in South Wales. He was the youngest of 13 children. His Mum sadly died when he was 4 years old and the family moved to High Wycombe in Buckinghamshire due to family connections there. His Dad had lost two wives, life was tough but the family pulled through and Sydney was looked after mainly by all of his sisters.

He was a popular young lad and always told the tale of how he would help older ladies with their shopping up the hill, one of them was Mum’s grandma, Granny Chappell. He got on really well with girls (all of his life actually – I am sure you can testify ladies).

On leaving school he worked at the local papermill, at Brooke Bonds tea company and as a lorry driver’s mate but they quickly realised his abilities and transferred him to the admin office.

At the age of 17 he joined the Royal Marines and was stationed initially at Lympston in Devon. He undertook the Commando Course and was awarded with the green beret. Whilst in the Marines our Mum’s grandma (obviously remembering his kindness with her shopping bags) decided to write to Sydney to introduce him to her granddaughter as she thought he was a very suitable candidate for marriage. Joan and Sydney corresponded and courted for two years before marrying when he was 23. One year later I was born and we continued to live in Devon. We then moved to Malta where Dad was stationed. He had two terms abroad – Malta/Cyprus and Hong Kong/Malaya (two and half years in each) and was awarded campaign medals. He was happy and proud to be in the Marines and rose up the ranks to the position of Sergeant. He was well respected by his men and his peers and made two life long friends in Ted and Roy (sadly no longer with us). Uncle Ted would often joke with me that he was my real father and Dad would then pretend to beat him up. Dad was offered a commission in the Marines at one point but sadly lacked the confidence to take it as he said he felt intimidated.

Three years after arriving in Malta my lovely little sister Sandra was born. Dad loved his family and struggled to be away from us so not long after he decided to leave the Marines.

On leaving the Marines our fabulous Uncle Roger (married to Dad’s sister Joan) bought him a van and between them they were selling all kinds of stuff …….. (who knows – Uncle Roger was involved - don’t ask).

He sold Bettaware for a while before an opportunity came up with Uncle Roger at the American Airforce Bowling Alley in High Wycombe. He then transferred to the Bowling Alley in Reading and then to Nottingham as Manager of Excel Bowling. Dad’s Dad, our grandad, came with us and lived with us until the end of his life. In fact we can recall lots of different people living with us over the years – Dad was very hospitable and Mum was just very kind.

Dad found religion whilst working for the Bowling Alley and due to a conflict within him, ie alcohol sales, he decided to leave the company and started a career as a travelling furniture salesman. Religious or not it is true to say that Dad definitely made a positive difference to some peoples’ lives in the church due to his kindness and compassion.

We had a lovely childhood on Gunthorpe Road in Nottingham and definitely because of Dad being the life and soul it was like a street party every day with the neighbours. His outgoing charming personality made him loved by everyone who knew him and he instantly became friends with anyone he met. There were always people at our house, our dad loved to entertain and found any excuse to have a surprise party.

Our teenage years were worrying for Dad. We always thought he was strict with us compared to our friends. Mum always came out to look for us if it was one minute past nine o'clock to warn us that Dad was on the warpath. Am glad now that he had boundaries but at the time we felt hard done by (well I did anyway – Sandra got off lightly).

After Sandra and I had married he decided that he wanted to move to the USA. They sold up and moved over there. He and Mum initially ran a restaurant but then he decided to run a shop selling furniture and fine ornaments.

They stayed in America for 4 years and came back to the UK just before their first grandson James was born. Mum got a job as a Warden in a Sheltered Housing Scheme in Nottingham which came with a lovely flat so it was a win/win situation. Dad helped Mum with the social element of her job and they were both very well liked by all at the complex. In the next five years there then followed the rest of his grandchildren – Gemma, Scott, Leah and Ellie who he was immensely proud of.

Dad still yearned for a shop of his own and had another one in a deprived area of Nottingham but he didn’t quite get why the people of that area were not interested in his expensive capo demonte figurines so he quickly turned it into a sandwich bar.

Dad dallied with the Social Democratic Party in Shirley Williams time and would take calls on telephons. I even recall him being on the tele. He studied Hypnotherapy and had a few clients we believe. He also signed up to be a Samaritan but found it too upsetting and left.

Every dog that we had - Dad went out on his own and came back with it as a surprise for mum! This ended up with Sandra looking after a huge newfoundland when they went to live in America.

He enjoyed eating out often – he especially liked the Cods Scallops café down the road. I am sure many of you will have been with him. When his dementia set in he would forget that he had been and one week he went on three nights in a row with different people.

He was very appreciative to everyone and couldn't thank them enough. When a driver he would pip his horn madly in appreciation if anyone was courteous by letting him out. Later in life however we laughed as when a passenger he complained about every single car on the road and even the pedestrians!

He met his very dear friend Chris years ago and when Mum was alive they all went on lots of holidays abroad and caravan trips. This has been a very special friendship and they have been there for each other over many years. We regard Chris as our brother and we would like to thank him for his kindness, loyalty and thoughtfulness towards Dad at all times.

We lost Mum 9 years ago now and Dad has missed her terribly. Dad learnt to cook and in Mum’s footsteps became an expert in pastry – we would often be served meat pie, followed by apple pie and jam tarts for tea. We are happy that he has a belief which means that he is now with her.

Two years ago we noticed that something wasn’t right with Dad and he was losing his memory. It took about a year for a diagnosis of vascular dementia and since then we have been gradually losing him although we were very happy that he always knew who we were until the very end. A year ago he was diagnosed with the dreaded c …… and it was that that finally took him from us. Due to the dementia however Dad didn’t realise that he had either illness which you could look on as a blessing.

He was always there for my sister and I when we needed, especially when DIY was involved even if we did have water coming through the ceiling when he went through our pipes (more than once). Nobody could love us more than Dad did – he would tell us all the time, was very emotional and affectionate and so very proud of his five grandchildren. We will miss Dad more than words can say. We are glad that we got to spend so much time together at the end and were so close. We will miss his hugs and actually his constant worrying about us (especially when we went on holiday), we will miss him playing the organ and composing love songs. We will miss him dearly but his memory will live on in all of us forever.

I would like to finish with a short reading of a favourite of mine called THE TRAIN:

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant - our siblings, friends, love of our life and children.

However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Thank you Dad for an amazing train journey.

I will now hand over to my lovely sister Sandra but before I do that I would like to thank her for her loving support of Dad during his illness especially when facing a difficult time of her own.

Over to you Sangiebones as Dad would say.
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Poem from Sandra (Sydney's daughter):

I would just like to take a few minutes to read you a poem written by Dad during his time in America, after Mum had returned to the UK.

There's No Place Like Home

In harmony of peaceful bliss I think of you with tenderness
Back home where all loved ones are, so many miles you are afar
I long to see your smiling face, and think upon your tender grace
Your merciful and gentle care you give to everyone who's there
Your ever unending unselfishness, you really are above the rest.

The kindness that's within yourself makes me realise your great wealth
A wealth you give unselfishly to others and indeed to me
I speak these words with tenderness because you are the very best.

Those whom you love and adore are pleased that you're abroad no more
Soon reunited we will be, with those we love and you and me
In humble circumstances we may live at least my love there we may give
To others who in need of care will know that you are always there
To give that kind of TLC which you have always given me
Such care of tenderness and love which can grow strong with he above.

We've walked the trials of life's long days and hoped that in so many ways
To understand the eternal plan set out for every woman and man.
Mistakes we've made but never fear for we know that God is near
To help us through our mortal state and understand all that is great
In his great plan that we may lead and upon his words we can feed.

I've always known your life's intent to serve mankind and not relent
To useless ventures of despair I thank my God that you are there
Oh soon I hope back home I'll be with you, and you with me
Take heart my love and don't despair for those we love are over there
These three past years have been hard and long but now I wish to sing this song.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

I would now like to hand over to my nephews James and Scott (or Jumbles and Scottle as Dad would call them)
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Memories of Grandpa (James and Scott):

Hello, I’m James, and Grandpa always told me I was his favourite Grandchild.
And I’m Scott, and Grandpa always told me I was his favourite Grandchild.
We are also here speaking on behalf of his favourite grandchildren, Gemma, Ellie and Leah (who probably was his favourite).

Our Grandpa was a great family man and it was abundantly clear how much he loved every single one of us. On our birthdays he’d always remember and make the effort to ring and sing happy birthday with Grandma in his posh operatic singing voice. Christmas was often a time when our family always got together and we used to love it when he’d sing incorrect lyrics to famous Christmas songs. A prime example was instead of let it snow he’d belt out “let it go, let it go, let it go”.

One of my favourite memories of him are at Gemma and Tom’s wedding last year. We were planning on dropping him back home in the early evening as we thought he’d be exhausted as it was a very long day for him. But to our joy he stayed dancing and partying with us all, until gone midnight. This is something we’ll never forget.

Grandpa had quite a sweet tooth. Toblerones, coconut mushrooms and liquorish all-sorts all played their part in shaping his distinctive Grandpa Belly. When we were younger, we used to use his big belly as a cushion for watching films from his extensive video collection. I always recall being astounded at how much your head would move from fully inflated to fully deflated.

He’d always put our needs before his own. Ellie remembers when she was five years old going to Alton Towers theme park. Grandpa joined her on the log flume. She was petrified and in hindsight thinks that he was too. But he gripped on to her tightly repeatedly saying “lovely, lovely ride, such a lovely ride, what a lovely ride”. Possibly trying to convince himself that he wasn’t scared.

As many of you will be very aware, our Grandpa was a bit of a charmer. He was often very complimentary of any ladies that he should meet on his travels and it almost came second nature to him to give a compliment or a hug.
A good example of this came when he, his good friend Chris and I went to a restaurant in Sherwood for lunch. I noticed he’d brought his digital camera out with him. I wrongly thought it was because he wanted to get lots of photos of the three of us together but the only photograph taken that day was actually of him and our waitress.
There were lots of occasions when he would embarrass us by charming the waitresses. One time however, he did get caught out in one of his favourite places to eat. He’d just told the girl who was serving us (as he always would) that she was the prettiest waitress in the restaurant. However, she replied with “Oh that’s strange because I was talking to my colleagues recently about the charming old man who always says that to me, and they insisted that he says exactly the same thing to them”. I remember Grandpa just laughing his head off and not being embarrassed at all.
Although it could be highly embarrassing at times, we all knew it was very innocent and that he just wanted people to feel good and confident about themselves.

Grandpa was certainly not lacking in confidence. As we live down in South Wales, over the years the phone had become an integral part of our relationship. Every phone conversation I had with Grandpa would always start as follows:
“Hello, is that the most handsome man in Nottingham?”
“Yes, yes it is, Is that the most handsome man in Wales”
“Yes it is”………… I feel I have picked up his modesty.

He would always boost our egos by commenting on how good looking all his family were, but it wouldn’t take him two minutes before he told us it was all because of his good genes. He never had any inhibitions talking to anyone, whoever it was. He was always his confident, charming self. But, he didn’t quite realise that most of us didn’t have the same confidence and charm as him as he’d often embarrassingly pass the phone over to us for a chat with whoever he was talking to, which resulted in some awkward conversations. In hindsight, we think he just wanted everyone to connect with each other as much as he did.

Grandpa was always impeccably dressed, and his flat was constantly spotless. He never wore a warm enough coat as he always chose looking smart over practicality. He was the sort of chap that probably did gardening in a suit. I play in a band and he once questioned why we can’t just play all of our concerts in suits and ties. During some of our teenage years, I think he got a bit of a shock when we turned up to his house with long hair and scruffy beards and Gemma had all sorts of nose and ear piercings.

At the age of 84, in an effort to keep looking good he bought an ab workout machine which he demonstrated to Gemma and Ellie on his all fours swinging from side to side and told them “you need to swing your butt from left to right girls”. I’m not sure how much use it got in the end though, as Sandra had to remove it as he was actually using it as a ladder to look out his high bedroom window.

Grandpa’s generosity was something that came naturally to him. He would often nip out to buy us treats if he knew anyone was coming and would always cook us a meal even if we’d warned him that we’d already eaten. I visited him one weekend and before leaving South Wales I informed him that I didn’t need any dinner. However, when I arrived, he said he had a roast dinner ready meal cooking for me but couldn’t find the chicken for it. We searched for a while but to no avail, so he told me to go into the other room and that he would find some other meat to go with it. 20 mins later he returned with a ‘fish finger’ roast dinner. It turned out that the chicken was hiding under the peas all along.

He loved shopping and if you’ve ever wondered who buys all the items from the middle aisle in Lidl, well we’re pretty confident Grandpa was to credit for most of those sales. We all loved the hilarious gifts he’d get us at Christmas. They were often bought from either Lidl, TK Max or a random shopping channel. Gemma one year got a Dove Men Care set while myself and Scott got some lovely pink bath salts, along with some red paper napkins. After a visit we’d often return from his flat with another household item for our homes as he’d always insist on us taking something. I think he often worried that we didn’t have enough and just wanted to help us however he could.

He cared about us all deeply and due to this he’d often worry about us as well. He was always more anxious if anyone in the family was planning a trip outside of Europe as he was convinced there was a war going on wherever we were going. We got to the stage where we’d just tell him we were going to France which he was always relieved to hear.

The lack of marriages between the five of us often concerned Grandpa. He would often remind Ellie’s partner John, that he was an ex royal marine commando and threaten to beat him up if he didn’t propose soon. Luckily Gemma and Tom tied the knot last summer which relieved a bit of pressure from us. He always worried about me not having a partner and once sent me a birthday card that said...... “time to settle down now James” and another time just asked “What is wrong with you?”

While at University Leah starred in a play whereby she had to play a ‘lady of the night’. Grandpa attended this and his feedback to Sandra was “Oh, I couldn’t look- did you see what she was doing? Disgusting”. It was hard for them to explain to him that it was only acting.

Grandpa was endearingly impatient. He’d often sit in the car beeping his horn rushing people to get ready to go out. He used to hate photographs too and would always tell whoever was taking the photo “oh do hurry up”. This was usually the case with any board game too if anyone was deliberating over their move.

Grandpa using technology sometimes brought hilarity too but he was better than most of his generation. He enjoyed researching his families Genealogy on his computer, he would correspond with people via e-mail and you could often catch him deep into a game of Solitaire. This being said we all looked forward to opening text messages from him. The excitement opening the text to see if he had managed to get any words in there was gripping……They were usually blank, but I think I once received the letter S.

Grandpa was never going to be a millionaire businessman because he was too kind and generous. I personally don’t think that’s a bad thing, he was kind, loving and gentle right up until his last days. As a boy, he modelled and taught me that it’s okay for men to be affectionate, emotional, kind and gentle and I will never forget him telling me “there’s nothing greater than love James” and I think he’s right. If there is anything, I have taken from Grandpa it is the importance of love. The importance of telling people you love them and more importantly showing people love.
All five of us would like to thank Grandpa for everything he did and all the love he constantly showed us throughout our lives.

We will now pass over to Grandpa’s good friend Chris, who we’d like to say thank you to, for consistently being there for our Grandpa, especially during his hardest and toughest times. The caring manner in which Chris has supported him over the past year or so is inspirational.

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Fun and Games (Chris, Sydney's friend)

As you know, Sydney was a games player and a determined one. We first played badminton once a week with diverse groups of friends and subsequently more sedate games until our final games of dominoes in the care home when he was still able to express his opinion of an unsatisfactory outcome with the words "stupid bloody game."

One of the enduring favourites was Rummikub, which we first played on an unforgettable five week tour of the USA in 1994. We didn't go to play games but so that Sydney could dance with grandma Israelson, the mother of his great friend Eva Fay, on her 100th birthday, as he'd promised to do when he and Joanie lived there. He was loyal to his American friends and they to him and one of Grandma Israelson's grandchildren visited him in the care home. We were introduced to Rummikub, or rumicube as the Americans called it, by Eva's family. That visit, which Sydney organised with military precision included visits to Yellowstone, Salt Lake City, the Grand Canyon and included a couple of nights in a borrowed tent in Dinosaur Park. I think he forgot that Joanie and I had not been Royal Marines.
Then came the touring caravan holidays, termed by Joanie as being in a shed in a field, but we had some great times on sites from Edinburgh to Cornwall. We all played Scrabble and challenged each other when we watched Countdown.

Challenges persisted in the years after Joanie's death. We took up Canasta. Not just for the fun of it, although it was great fun, except when it was a “Stupid bloody game”. We accumulated points through the year and the loser bought what Sydney called the 100 pound meal. That was because I lost the first year and Sydney chose Marco Pierre Whites steak restaurant and we had superb but expensive fillet steaks. I don't think we, well mainly me, ever paid that much again but the name stuck. The competition expanded to include other games. Sandra was very good at finding new ones for us and we never travelled without them whether to Edinburgh, Scarborough, London or the Channel Islands. There's even a photo of us playing Scrabble on the roadside while queuing for a channel ferry back from France. (We'd missed our allocated ferry and had to wait for the next one.) Every year we decamped to Minehead and to Cardiff where we were able to meet up with Laraine and rope her in. We played at least three times a week in the spirit of good companionship until we had our last competitive game in August …….and I've got the scores here. I'd better add them up. I bet I owe you another meal Sydney ………