Denise Audrey Benbow (21 Jun 1928 - 17 Oct 2017)

In loving memory of Denise Audrey Benbow who sadly passed away on 17th October 2017

Denise was born on 21st June 1928 in Brockley, SE London, only child to Kitty and Laurie Howarth. Just before the onset of war, her parents decided to move out of London to Orpington. A move that didn't go down too well with Denise as she was part of Lewisham Ladies swimming club. The nearest pool to Orpington was a 10 mile cycle as petrol was still rationed! She also had to stay with an aunt to finish off her exam year at school. At the age of 16 a very shy Denise left school as she had no intention of staying on to train as a nurse or teacher, figures and arithmetic was what she excelled at. Through a friend she managed to join a firm of Chartered Accountants in Victoria as a junior auditor, a position only previously filled by young men! On occasions this meant going out on site visits, where as you can imagine a shy redhead young lady drew the attention of many pairs of eyes. With the lack of pool in Orpington, Denise joined Regent Street Poly Ladies Swimming Club and participated in floating displays. She was always happy when in the water. Denise met Cliff at Orpington Sports Club where she played hockey, and her father football. Cliff was not playing, he had just come to watch a friend play.

They married on 17th March 1951, earlier than planned as they had been asked to join a family venture in North Devon with Cliff's cousin Robin and his wife Elizabeth, a farm with a guest house " Little Bray". They spent nine happy years there, Denise and Elizabeth having many giggles together running the guest house under the scrutiny of Auntie Elsie. Sadly this idyllic life came to an end due to Robin having problems with his back. So they returned to Croydon, to the small Benbow engineering company where Cliff took up his toolmaking skills again and Denise worked in the office. They were soon able to buy their first house in Purley where Bridget was born in 1962.

A change of job for Cliff to a larger company outside of Croydon meant them moving out to the more rural location of Biggin Hill where Roger was soon born. As the children grew up and started school, Denise looked for part-time work. She had an interview at the children's primary school for the position of school secretary but was pipped to the post by a lady with more secretarial experience. But when Monday morning came along with all the dinner monies, the poor lady walked out as she couldn't cope. The Headmaster was straight on the phone to Mrs Benbow, begging her to come in that day and sort it all out. The school soon recognised her skills and persuaded her to train as a teacher, an occupation that when she left school at 16, couldn't have been further from her thoughts. So she embarked on a three year course at the local Teacher Training College just up the road in West Wickham. This she could not have managed without the tremendous support of her dear husband as Bridget and Roger were 9 and 6 at the time, and also the help of some wonderful neighbours Mike and Annelies Chorley. Denise was fortunate to obtain a post at Oaklands Infant School just a few minutes walk from home, where she stayed for 14 years until her retirement.

Cliff and Denise had been caravanners for many years, starting during the children's canoeing days. They made frequent trips to Wales with Bromley Canoe Club for the white water season, Den or Denny as the club knew her, even being persuaded to have a go herself. The other parents soon became lifelong friends, some of whom are here today, continuing to take caravanning holidays together for many years after the children had flown the nest. While the kids were growing up, the back door was always open and there would be a constant flow of youngsters through it, all of whom Den fed and watered while Cliff sorted out their mechanical problems. Denise was famous for her baking especially her chocolate cake and her Victoria sandwich, Bridget obviously takes after her mother in that respect!

1988 was a busy year for the family. Roger graduated from Manchester Poly with a degree in Mechanical Engineering and set himself up in a flat in Bromley; Bridget and Ernie got married here in this church and bought a house in Biggin Hill too; then later that year with the children both settled Cliff and Denise moved back to their beloved West Country but this time to the other side of Exmoor in Somerset, where Robin and Elizabeth and their two married daughters now lived. Cliff's sister Maureen and her husband David soon joined them in Somerset.

In the Autumn of 1990 plans were being made for the celebration of Cliffs 70th birthday when they received the shocking news of Roger's tragic death, knocked off his motorbike by a drunk driver. Ironically he drove a company car all day but had just popped out to get a pint of milk. Cliff took this particularly hard and within two years had developed Parkinson's Disease which put a stop to the caravanning. But Denise being Denise, helped set up a support group in Minehead, for which she was treasurer and raised lots of money to help the cause. She also raised a lot of money for her church, by doing a sponsored float for over 30 minutes, at the young age of 70!

Bridget and Ernie moved house to West Wickham shortly after her brother's death and in 1992 Roger Junior was born, which of course was a great joy to Denise, and soon he had a brother Colin. As you can imagine, Denise loved the role of Nanny and the grandsons were smartly kitted out in knitwear!

Denise and Cliff celebrated their golden wedding in 2001. They had a very happy day with 35 relatives and friends joining them at a seafront hotel. Regrettably the weather was a replica of their wedding day - rain!
Sadly Cliff passed away in July 2003. Denise missed him so much and after struggling with the bungalow on her own, with much heartache she left her beloved life in Somerset in November 2005 to start a new chapter in a beautiful little retirement flat in West Wickham. She knew it was a sensible move to be near Bridget and her family, and trusting her daughter's judgement bought the perfect flat without even viewing it! 

Denise soon threw herself into her new life - joining the U3A with whom she went on many trips and holidays; BARTs the Bromley Association for Retired Teachers where she met up with old colleagues; Hayes Free Church and singing in the choir; helping her family with their garden, the one thing she really missed about her bungalow, apart from the beautiful views.

Denise had always kept fairly well so Bridget and Ernie were shocked to receive a phone call while on holiday in 2008, saying that Denise was in intensive care after emergency surgery. It was touch and go for a few days, but she rallied round and surprised everyone.

At the beginning of 2012 Denise  was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent surgery just before  Bridget's 50th Birthday.  She never complained and took it all in her stride.

Denise realised her memory was getting worse, referring to Bridget as her second brain, and was diagnosed with Dementia in 2010. She carried on as well as she could for a few years, writing absolutely everything in her diary and if ever she misplaced this Bridget would get a phone call and peace would not be resumed until it was found. Debbie her weekly cleaner was a great help at this time, being much more than just a cleaner. She helped Denise take her medications as well as helping her with the occasional bit of paperwork. After having a fall Denise eventually relented and had careers come in during the day but this did not guarantee her safety the rest of the day. She never wanted to be a burden to anyone and agreed to try a care home last October. It took her a while to settle in but she was very content there.

Many cards and tributes sent to Bridget have said they will always remember Denise's smile and warmth, and the happy times they have spent together. She was a dear lady, loving nanny and mother and will be greatly missed.

A life well lived with a smile