Joan Barker (12 Jul 1928 - 9 Jul 2017)

In loving memory of Joan Barker who sadly passed away on 9th July 2017

Joan was born to Ivy and John Hayes in Bolton, Lancashire on Thursday 12th July 1928.

She was the middle one of three children having two brothers, Alan, who was elder and a younger brother, Norman. Both have also sadly passed away.

John was a senior manager with the Water Board and in 1938 he was offered the choice of promotion to either the south coast of England, or to Skegness. Of course, it was no contest - he chose Skegness!

So at the age of ten, Joan moved with her family from Lancashire to the east coast of Lincolnshire.

Joan had a very happy childhood. She was generally a very well behaved child. Only once did she act out of character, and it got her into trouble.

The family were regular church goers. But one Sunday, Joan could not face the prospect of spending an hour of her life singing hymns and listening to the minister drone on. So she made an excuse at the very last minute, saying she felt unwell and wanted to go home. Instead, she went off to have an hour’s fun on the sea front. She was of course wearing her “Sunday best” - and so she was in double trouble when she accidentally fell into the boating lake, ruining her outfit as well as subsequently being caught out for missing church without good reason.

She was always very close to her mother throughout her life. When her mother and father separated during Joan’s early teens, her mother took it very badly and she and Joan became even closer as a result.

After leaving school, Joan started work in a jewellers in Skegness. But the work did not appeal to her. In fact, she hated it.

So she soon found alternative employment with an estate agency. She loved the work there, and the company was very good to her, permitting her time off when she needed it to go and care for her mother and brothers.

She continued to attend church - she had learned her lesson about the perils of missing it! - and it was during a church service that she met her first husband, Ted Walton.

Ted had just been discharged from his Army service and had returned to Skegness. As he sat through the church service, he found himself deeply attracted to this young lady sitting a few pews away. He determined that he had to meet her. So as surreptitiously as he could without attracting the attention of either the minister or other members of the congregation, he started rolling up pieces of paper and throwing them at Joan. Of course, when one hit Joan, she turned to see who had thrown it and her stare was met with a charming smile.

It was a successful courting technique. The couple married in St Matthews church, Skegness on 6th September 1948, the place where their relationship had started. Joan was twenty.

Two years later, Margaret was born.

But it was another ten years before the twins Janette and Andrew came along.

Throughout those years, Joan had continued to work for the estate agency, but when the twins started at the Seathorne primary school, Joan too started work there as a dinner lady, but also working at both the Cactus Nursery in Candlesby and the Sea Life centre in Skegness, all on a part time basis.

Margaret, Janette and Andrew had a very happy childhood. Their mother was a very family oriented lady whose main mission in life seemed to be to care and provide for her children. They came first and foremost in her life, a life that was firmly centered around her family.

The family had many happy days on the beach, and Janette can remember her father collecting her and Andrew from school on his green moped - he didn’t own a car.

And there were very many happy days too spent with their Uncle Alan and Uncle Norman, playing cards and always with a buffet tea provided. Joan made sure that her children enjoyed their childhood as much as she had enjoyed hers.

Although money was fairly tight, she and Ted always managed to take the family on holiday to the Norfolk Broads, or later to visit Margaret when she was married to an RAF serviceman and hence moving around the various bases in the UK.

Joan always provided well for her family. She would always cook a roast dinner on Sundays. And Joan was an excellent cook. Her scones and her lemon meringue pie were exquisite.

And with Margaret’s relationship with Maurice, Janette’s marriage to John and Andrew’s marriage to Gill, Joan became a proud and loving grandmother four times over to Benjamin, Anna, Marie and Marc.

Joan devoted as much love, time and care on her grandchildren as she had done on her children.

Benjamin always used to call her, “Nanna by the Beach”. He loved spending his summer holidays with her, and when he was a teenager, Joan managed to find him a part-time job in a friend’s café.

With her children now grown up, Joan decided to return to full time work and found a position as a secretary at the Derbyshire Miners’ Welfare Holiday Centre in Winthorpe, where she remained for many years.

Sadly, in 1979 at the age of just fifty four, Ted passed away quite suddenly and unexpectedly. Joan’s world was shattered.

A couple of years later, she was in a pub in Winthorpe when she was introduced by a close friend of the family to Bill Barker. The couple got on well together and after a while, started a relationship, eventually marrying in 1991.

Bill was an ideal husband, and an ideal step-father to Margaret, Janette and Andrew.

And as his marriage to Joan had extended his family, so it had extended hers, with Joan becoming a step-mother to Bill’s four children, Brian, Pamela, Stephen and Terry, and step-grandmother to Keeley, Simon, Jonathan, David and Michelle.

Sadly, Pamela has since passed on.

Marriage to Bill changed Joan’s outlook on life. Whereas Ted had been very much a ‘home bird’, Bill was a very outgoing man. There was always music playing loudly in their home, and as well as playing darts and dominoes together, Joan would accompany Bill when he went singing in the local pubs.

They travelled widely to Spain, Portugal and Italy. Joan had a very happy life with Bill.

After some years working for the Derbyshire Miners’ Welfare, Joan started working for East Lindsey District Council, managing the unit that seeks to help young adults get back into employment. She was the ideal person for the position, showing a great deal of empathy to the young people which helped them regain their confidence. Indeed, she became friends with many of her clients.

Joan thoroughly enjoyed that job, working well beyond the statutory retirement age. She finally retired at the age of seventy.

Her happiness was put to the test again however shortly after her eightieth birthday on 12th July 2008. She and Bill had gone, as a surprise with Joan’s family, to a Warner’s hotel in Gloucestershire to celebrate the landmark birthday, when shortly afterwards he suffered a sudden and unexplained nosebleed. Subsequent medical tests revealed that Bill had developed leukaemia.

Joan nursed him until he passed away two years later.

Her children were determined that Joan should continue to enjoy her life.

Janette bought her a dog for company, a border terrier named Maddie, and Joan loved her.

Janette also persuaded her that perhaps it was time to change her beloved car, the Ford Escort Ghia of which she was so very proud, for something with perhaps a few more refinements, such as power steering. The result was a Nissan Micra.

After a couple of years however, Joan started to show early signs of dementia, and so it was arranged for her to move from Skegness to a warden assisted place in Market Harborough where Janette and John then lived, so that a closer eye could be kept on her.

Of course, dementia is a very cruel and progressive condition and over time, Joan was able to do less and less. When Janette and John moved to Barbados, Joan moved into a care home in Bournemouth, so that she would be close to Andrew and Gill. Joan made many friends in the home.

Janette flew back regularly to visit her mum, often coming back for two/three weeks at a time.

Routine is very important in dementia care, and Andrew took his mother out every week when she would look forward to having her favourite drink of hot chocolate or an ice cream, which she loved.

He and Gill also took Maddie into their own home to ensure that she continues to be loved and cared for.

Joan continued to love what had long been her favourite tipple - a Bailey’s Irish Cream. The cry, “Where’s my Baileys?” could often be heard frequently around the home.

But for the last two years of her life, Joan had to go into a specialist unit, the Chalgrove Care and Nursing Home in Poole.

Whilst her dementia required this specialist care, Joan was physically robust. Her passing on 9th July, just three days before her 89th birthday, was unexpected, but peaceful.