Patricia Sanders (5 Aug 1937 - 19 Jun 2017)

In loving memory of Patricia Sanders who passed away peacefully on 19th June 2017 at the Rowans Hospice aged 79, beloved Wife, Mum and Nana.

If you would like to make a charity donation in Pat's memory we'd be grateful if you would consider RNLI or ROWANS HOSPICE. Cheques should be made payable to the charity may be sent c/o Lee Fletcher Funeral Services, 12 The Pallant, Havant, PO9 1BE or online donations can be done here.

REMEMBERING MUM - by Jodi

Mum loved the colour red. Anything red. Red shoes, red cars, red furniture, red clothes. This jacket was hers. And like she did with many of her clothes, handbags, shoes, it has been altered to suit her. The label has been removed, a button has been added and hook and eye has been sewn up. And of course, the sleeves shortened. But as always, Mum looked forward to the future and to other people who may end up using the item so she did not removed the excess but merely turned them up (fold down sleeves). Thanks Mum.
Patricia was born to May and Ken Phillips at their cottage home in Ferring , Sussex, and one of her earliest memories was moving from this home to the next in Roundstone Drive. The rest of her childhood was spent here and later she was proud to have been the second person in the street to own a car.
Mum spoke with great admiration of her parents, and both she and my Dad valued May & Ken’s company. She used to recall early memories of her father on leave from the war, and how she would follow him around like a shadow. Living through the war had an obvious lasting effect on many aspects of her character but I believe it inspired her patriotic spirit.
Mum had an older sister, Dorothy and has two younger brothers, Frank and Bill. She loved her family and also her extended family, with her nieces and nephews and their children and grandchildren, holding a special part of her heart. In retirement, Mum moved to live in the same street as Dorothy and they especially delighted in floating around in Mum’s swimming pool together.
As a child, Mum was a gifted acrobat and was exceptionally flexible, being able to bring her legs over her head and tuck her toes under her chin. This flexibility remained with her for the rest of her life.
After school, Mum went to secretarial college. This was because the other option was to become a nurse and that did not appeal, she thought it would be all bedpans and making beds. At college she became an accomplished Shorthand typist. This skill she used throughout her life, from passwords to shopping lists. On the front of the service sheet you can see her name in shorthand which she wrote whilst trying to teach me a little as we sat waiting in hospital at the beginning of this year.
When she was 16, she met my Dad, at a dance. He was singing in a band, which is why he thought she was attracted to him but he only found out later is was in fact because he owned a motorbike. They started courting and went out dancing together, even winning a jive competition. Dad said Mum’s waist was so small he could get his hands completely around it.
Dad went into the merchant navy, and Mum went on to get a job with P&O in London and commuting on the train every day. She ended up playing cards with the first class passengers, sitting in first class - not having paid for a first class ticket I might add. In fact, those commuters she travelled with bought her a cookery book as a wedding present. I am sure that the irony of this is not lost, as mum’s dislike for cooking herself was well know. I remember at our home in Southampton, the cooking area of the kitchen becoming smaller and closer to the back door. And it was regularly joked that at the next refit it would be moved completely out of the back door.
Mum & Dad got married in 1958. Mum wore a navy suit, so that she could use it for work, ever practical. Dad, being a keen photographer, decided that he would take all his own wedding photos and proceeded to develop them himself on their wedding night. Something Mum affectionately tease Dad about it for the next 59 years!
In 1961 they boarded the Orion as £10 ‘poms’ and set off to see some of the world and to stay in Australia for the mandatory two years. They stayed a lot longer. Australia becoming a large part of their lives. During that trip they bonded with fellow travellers and many of those people are still friends to this day. Mum loved Australia, the weather, the beaches, the ocean. Soon after she arrive she started riding a scooter and became known as ‘the bikini babe of Bronte’. Mum loved to swim – especially in sea - and used to go down to the beach in her lunch break from where she worked at the Australian Atomic Energy Commission. She persuaded them to install a shower for the women that worked there!
I came across her appointment diary from 1967, and along with birthdays, shopping and to do lists. It also includes a tally of who owes her money and what money she owed others. I can guess this was from card games as I have heard many stories of how my parents could lose a weeks wages in a card game on one night and win it back again the next. They would joke that later in life, when they had money to spare, they only ever played for pennies.
Mum loved shopping. In charity shops especially – always keeping an eye out for finding a bargain. She was renowned for her extensive wardrobe and her sizable collection of shoes. One holiday she packed two suitcases. One for all her clothes, the other all her shoes. The case with the clothes went astray and so she had only one outfit but multiple pairs of shoes – a lesson learnt for future travel packing.
Mum and Dad’s love for travel took them across the world, with frequent trips to Australia which became their second home. One moment that sticks in my memory is when she finally got her wish to go to the Olympics in Sydney 2000. They were due to go to the Tokyo Olympics in 1964, but instead used the money for a house deposit. So after this wait she was very excited and I remember received a call from her in a state of hysteria, so much so I could not hear what she was saying. After getting her to hand the phone to Dad I discovered they were in the arena. When I asked what they were watching, Dad’s amused response was “It’s not started yet, but Mum wanted to get here early to watch the people arrive and fill up the stadium”.
Her adventurous spirit was apparent when she retook her motorbike licence again when in her 50’s. Her brother, Bill, was her teacher and when she failed the first time (much to Bill’s dismay) she took it again to prove she could do it. And she did.
Mum had many jobs but one she found exceptionally fascinating was working as a medical secretary for a radiotherapy department and bought medical books so she could learn about what she was typing about. Mum had a passion for reading and seemed interested in almost everything – even cookery books, if not to do the cooking itself.
Mum’s genuine interest in people’s lives was evident as she would often share news from friends and family. She made great effort to stay in touch with people and I remember mum starting her Christmas cards in October to get them all done.
Mum had two children, myself and my brother Lee. Lee was born in Australia, with down’s syndrome. I was born 3 years later in the UK . When I was 6 months old we moved Lee to the UK to live near us with 24 hour specialised care. Lee sadly died when he was 21.
My Godmother, Anna, said I should mention how proud of me my mum was. I felt that from her all my life. Growing up, I would get little hand written notes of encouragement, poems of worry and newspaper clippings about subjects she thought would interest me or that she thought I should take interest in! And although our relationship was sometimes fraught during a couple of my teenage years her encouragement for me was boundless and her love truly felt unconditional.
One of the values she would say to me is “Stand for something or fall for anything.” Her moral guidance is a continuing whisper in my ear. I am, who I am, because of her and I thank her so very much.
Mum and Dad’s long marriage is tribute to how much love and respect they had for each other. They laughed together always. One of their little inside jokes was that mum would be always changing her mind as to how the furniture should be arranged. Dad referred to this as IBM – it’ll be moved!
Mum supported dad in his business ventures throughout their married life and was always at home for me when I was growing up.
Mum was full of fun, vibrant and uninhibited! She was straight talking, and would speak her mind, always. And often this was accompanied by her mischievous sense of humour. When her nephew, Mark, grew a beard she remarked, undiplomatically, that it looked like an armpit with eyes.
Mum doted on her two Grandchildren, Indiana and Melody, and she enjoyed being with them and encouraging them.
Last week, the kids were rifling through packs of cards and games and this clipping fell out. Most likely from a reader’s digest. It’s entitled ‘The last word’ and is a quote from Robert Louis Stevenson. “Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well”.
I think that this appealed to Mum, because although she herself would say that she had a good life, like many people, she was occasionally dealt a bad hand. But she always tried to see the silver lining and make her own luck.
Mum has always been my support, strength and comfort when times have been tough. I don’t know how I will cope without her. Her loss leaves a massive hole in our lives but she fills a huge part of our hearts.
It has been my honour to stand before you and share a few of my precious memories of my Mum. She will be missed by all, and we can commemorate Mum best by keeping her memory alive. So go on telling her stories; tell them over and over; they’ll never get tired or dusty or faded. Tell them to people who never met her. Because Pat’s life story is the stuff of legend.