Doreen Toplis (26 Aug 1926 - 7 Jun 2017)

In loving memory of Doreen Toplis who sadly passed away on 7th June 2017. Her biography will be posted here shortly after Mum's funeral.

Mum's funeral will take place at 10:30am Monday 26th June 2017 at Bramcote Crematorium, Coventry Lane, Beeston, Bramcote Nottinghamshire NG9 3GJ.

It is Mum's wish that rather than flowers she would like donations made to her late grandson, George Toplis's mental health fund, 'George Toplis: Mental Health Through Sport'. You can make donations in person at the crematorium or make an online donation here. Please ensure to use the 'Gift Aid'.

Details can be found here:

www.mydonate.bt.com/events/georgetoplismentalhealththroughsport

In Doreen's memory we thank you. Please add you memories of Mum here if you wish; your memories of Mum offer us all much comfort.

Judith, Vivienne, Christopher and Emily

We Remember Her, a Tribute, 26th June 2017.

AT this time we come here to remember Doreen, our Mum, we call Bub.

YOU might expect me to go through her life chronologically but I won’t be doing that. You all knew her in many ways over the times you spent with her. I am here to tell you what’s in my heart and mind when I think of Bub ... and I think you will agree.

IT is LOVE. She just loved. She loved her family. Our Dad, Percy, her children Judith, Vivienne, myself and Emily and she loved our husbands and wives. She loved her grandchildren, Mark, John, Sam, George, Harriet, Hannah and Georgia and her great grandson Rhys. Her happiness was inseparably wrapped into the happiness of her family and she told me that her role in life, and all she ever wanted, was for us all to be happy. What mother doesn’t? In bad times and good she showed us all love unwavering, and we felt and returned that love. She took on our pains and our triumphs, never flinching to support, guide and respect us. She taught us that no matter what happens in life that love is the most important thing; love is there to catch us when we fall and to be shared in every success. There was nothing she would not do to help her family.

BUB had a canny sixth sense. She was the ‘7th child’ and I know from personal experience that she could see into my soul within a split second, even by just hearing my voice on the phone, “... what’s the matter, Chris?” she would say in a tone that made me spill out everything. She would listen and soak up my troubles. I remember the darkest time when all seemed lost when my own son George was in a locked mental health facility and I battled with his mum to get him out of the system and back home. We succeeded. But at a time when all seemed lost I went ‘home’ late one evening after visiting George, to see Bub at 21 Garden Avenue and lay down on the settee and put my head in Bub’s lap and cried. I felt her soothing hands on my head and her calm soft words of comfort and encouragement. She spoke of times and people from her own life and the example that they had set and she gave me the strength to carry on with more strength than I could dare to imagine. I felt her love and love is strong and Mum was never stronger than when she had purpose.

MANY times, Bub got on my nerves too because she would say quite clearly and exactly what the problem was and I knew that she knew she was right; and often the truth is not what you want to hear about yourself is it? She had the wisdom to advise you how to put the problem right and this was to confront the problem, say sorry where necessary, clear yourself of any malice, anger or injustice felt and make peace with anyone or anything that was causing you pain.

SHE was always there, like the Queen with her Ministers, she could be consulted, she would advise and she would warn. There was no way you could escape her incisive 6th sense; she simply knew exactly when something was wrong and how to put it right.

I can’t talk about Bub without in the same breath, mentioning our Dad, Percy. They were a team. ‘Team Toplis’. They knew each other for 71 years! They only spent one night apart during their 61 year marriage and that was when Dad came to stay one night with me at Reading University before we both went to Ascot Races for the day! Mum and Dad were always there. Becoming an adult and going out into the world made me realise that my strength and confidence came from their constant love. Their love spanned decades including times when the world was at war through all the austerity and destruction of the 1940s and the hard times in the 1950s, providing us all with a safe loving home and building blocks you don’t appreciate until you become a parent yourself.

I remember last year having a conversation with Bub on the phone; and oh my word, she could talk for England  and Bub said “what’s all this talk of people on the news complaining and moaning about ‘austerity’! They don’t know they’re born, you only know what austerity is if you were living between 1939 and 1956!” Not what people want to hear, but it is true. My personal memories of the 1970s are in black and white except the colour image of a warm, glowing and secure home at 21 Garden Avenue. A place of security and comfort.

BUB was practical and dexterous. She could make anything for the home and mend anything. She had an unremitting sense of optimism which rubbed off on you, linked to her constant positive mental attitude. I remember in 1996, Bub was 69 and had been diagnosed with the most pernicious bowel cancer. We met at No.21 as a family and Bub told us all ...

“I want you all to go home and live your lives, it’s not my time yet!”. We never doubted it. Here we are 21 years later and she was right.

BUB never cut corners. She had patience and foresight. For example when Dad retired she had the kitchen altered to be ready for older age and called in Rex Toplis to rewire the house and Malcolm Toplis to make new windows. She knew that things needed to be done while she and Dad had the physical strength and time, to save us, her children, the worry of such things as she and Dad grew older. She even project-managed her bathroom alterations in her mid 80s ... in every detail. She could make clothes and home furnishings and my goodness she could cook and bake! She loved to sing and dance and she loved to entertain.

AS a family we saw how Bub deteriorated physically over the last 12 months. And Bub knew it too. Believe me there was no deterioration in her mental capacity. She just slowed down and stopped. Our pain was that Bub would have to leave her beloved No.21 and although she spent a week in a nursing home it was no place for her and as a family, it is with love and pride that she died so peacefully.

THE week before she died as I sat next to her, out of the blue she reached out and felt for my hands. She held and squeezed my hands between hers and she said in her own insightful way ...“I want you to TRY to be happy, Chris”. A Mum is only as happy as her saddest child. I knew what she meant and I suddenly realised where she was going ... and I promised her I would try, and thinking of her strength it is a promise that carries weight.

I would like you all to think of Bub now and in the future ... and smile. She had a great love for life experiencing times and events that have become part of our country’s history. There’s some of her in all of us who knew her. Let it shine out in bad times and through the good times too and as she would regularly say ...

... “count your blessings”.