Sandra Kings (24 Aug 1938 - 7 Apr 2017)

In loving memory of Sandra Grace Kings who passed away peacefully on 7th April 2017, aged 78 years.

All are welcome to the funeral service on Friday 5th May 2017 . 11.00am at St Peter & St Paul's Church, Aylesford with a private committal following at Aylesford Parish Cemetery. A reception will be held at The Brassey Centre, Aylesford until 3 pm.

Donations in memory of Sandra may be made online to Lymphoma Research Trust or Kent Cancer Trust through this page. If you would prefer to make a donation by cheque, we have chosen the following four charities.

Lymphoma Research Trust
Kent Cancer Trust
Heart of Kent Hospice
Aylesford PCC (donations will benefit Aylesford Parish Church)

Please make cheques payable to the charity, and send c/o Viner and Sons Funeral Directors Ltd. 54 High Street, West Malling, Kent. ME19 6LU. Tel 01732 842485 or c/o any of Sandra's children.

Eulogy

Our Mum, Sandra, came as a bit of a surprise to her parents, Bessie & Stanley!

Already parents to a baby girl called Muriel, they had been told by doctors that they could not expect to be blessed with any more children, so when Bessie went to the doctor’s with an unexplained growth sometime later, she was somewhat surprised to discover that actually she was several months pregnant! On the 24th August 1938, Mum was born in Manchester. Her parents were understandably delighted although perhaps still a little thrown by the idea, so much so that (according to family legend) when Stanley went to register the baby’s birth, he only had the name “Grace” in mind (chosen as Mum was given to them “by the grace of God”) and chose “Sandra” as this was the name of the girl helping him at the registry office and he thought the name was very nice.

Mum always recalled having a very happy childhood by all accounts and was surrounded at an early age by music and church activities. Her mother sang, taught and played piano and her father, a shipping accountant, sang and conducted on a regular basis. Both were devoted Methodists. Growing up, Mum also loved dancing, particularly ballet, ice-skating and performing in a variety of amateur productions - a love of which has also been passed on to her own offspring (well, the female line anyway!) & one that she picked up again in later life.

Due to the on-set of the war however, she did find herself regularly moving house and schools which included time in Cheltenham, Petts Wood & Sidcup. She was a diligent and hard working student and from what we recall particularly liked English and Biology. Mum also found that she had a natural aptitude for short-hand and typing and shortly after leaving school went to work for a number of banks in the City of London including Hoares Bank & Martin’s Bank, which later became part of Barclays, as a short-hand typist.

Mum was also renowned as she grew up for her exceptionally long dark brown hair (not a golden colour as some might think – which was the result of a strong desire not to go grey) however she had her hair cut off to dramatic effect towards at the end of her teens. She also found her own love for singing and joined the Orpington Junior Singers in 1953, at the time one of the most well known choirs of young women in the UK. They sang at the National Eisteddfod in Wales and also performed at the BBC Broadcasting House, Abbey Road, Germany (where, not wanting to say goodbye to her teenage years, she reluctantly greeted her 20th birthday by hiding under the bed covers) and Holland where she met her great friend, Truus and her Dutch family. She loved to have fun and will readily admit that she was a bit of a night owl going to bed as late as she could but somehow still getting up just about in time in the morning (another family trait for some!). Being a warm and naturally friendly character she could also talk for ages and was never too comfortable sitting in silence (which was sometimes a challenge for others). However, as her niece recently said “when Auntie Sandra came into the room it was like someone turning on a light, she was so bright and breezy” which is a lovely description to remember her by!

Then, just at the end of her teenage years, after a couple of brief friendships with young men, she famously agreed to go on a blind-date with a nice young man (albeit 9 years older than her) called Derek. He was a gentle & kind soul who shared a love of dance and music and was a real gentleman. They fell in love, and the rest, as they say is history. They married in September 1959 although sadly this happy event was overshadowed somewhat by the sudden loss of her father, Stanley about 10 weeks prior to their wedding and so she was given away by her Uncle John.

After a brief honeymoon in France, Mum & Dad moved into the Avenue and as one of the first resident’s watched the rest of the estate being built. They were also followed shortly afterwards by Mum’s mother, known to us as “Home Nana”, who eventually moved into Orchard Avenue and so, Mum was also able to look after her own mother in later years (although this was not always easy with 4 young very active children in tow!).

Shortly after moving to Aylesford, Mum transferred her job in the bank to Maidstone and Mum & Dad joined the newly formed Greenacres Resident’s Association and the local badminton club which they both enjoyed. Dad however soon developed his deeper interest in local life and Mum gradually became a widow of sorts to all of Dad’s good causes – the parish council, Aylesford Primary School and Aylesford Community Centre to name a few. Unfortunately this, coupled together with his long hours working for BT in London, meant that as time went on they saw less & less of each other which was both sad and a source of little friction at home from time to time.
However, saying that, they did spend enough time together in the early years to be blessed with 4 children – April, Heather, Kevin & Gwendolin. We definitely kept them on their toes and stretched their finances too!! Mum took up a serious amount of sewing and knitting and trips to Maidstone Market in search of material & patterns and saved enough money during the year (with help from the family allowance) to give us lovely birthdays and special Christmases. We never went without and were showered with as much love, fun, picnics and treats as we could wish for.

Mum also somehow scrapped together enough housekeeping money each year when we were younger, so that we could have a fun two week summer family holiday either staying with Dad’s parents in their bungalow in Eastbourne (known as “Seaside Nana’s”), a tent in Weymouth, Cornwall, Wales or the Isle of Wight, or in better years a caravan! They were always the most fun times despite some often lousy British weather and were a great chance to spend 2 unbroken weeks together!

Gradually however we all started to grow up which gave Mum a chance to spread her wings again. Firstly, she tried a bit of child-minding looking after a young boy called Douglas, then she took on a regular Wednesday night job filling wage packets at Security Express. This often involved finishing way-past midnight (back in the day when people were still paid weekly in cash) and this later led on to a more regular day-job and some new friendships! She also learnt to drive – not one of her most natural talents, and she eventually passed her test (we won’t say how many times she tried) in 1987 or thereabouts. Dad bought Mum her very first Nissan Micra (the gold one) and this gave her the freedom later on take up some temping work at various places including Leeds Castle & the Bus Pass section at Maidstone Borough Council – resulting again in a few more friendships!

Around this time, Mum also found a new outlet for her energy in helping to raise funds to build the Heart of Kent Hospice which included arranging many Wine & Wisdom evenings and she was formally recognised in 2015 for giving over 25 years service as a volunteer. She loved counting the money in the collecting boxes at least once or twice a week and also took on reception and latterly, ward clerk duties and singing in the Hospice Choir. She loved the interaction with patients and their families and always tried to be as kind and thoughtful as she could - again making more important friendships along the way.

Mum also followed in the footsteps of us daughters and joined Aylesford Church Choir as an alto, later taking on the role of wardrobe mistress, secretary to Churches Together and was an active member of Aylesford PCC – yet more sources of friends! If that was not enough, she also joined the WI and Alzarar and continued to do various charity street & supermarket collections which we also sometimes helped with when we were younger.

This was all great and gave Mum a very full and active life but there were always a few drawbacks. One of these was that the piles of ironing & post at home seldom went away completely and another was that, apart from Kevin, if one of us girls wanted to visit Mum or catch up by phone, it was often difficult to get hold of her. We loved the fact that she was so fulfilled and knew that she was fine if she was out and about, so either we would catch up with a weekly hour long phone call, book an evening with her (sometimes up to 2 weeks in advance) or just leave her a message so she could call us back when she eventually had some free time!! Such was her busy diary!

She did however, amongst her busy diary manage to find time to travel & see the world. Back in 1981, when our family took our first and only holiday with just the 6 of us to Spain, she did famously remark to her soon-to-be-son-in-law Mark, that this might be the only holiday abroad they would ever be able to take. But she was to be reminded & teased many times later on that this was far from the case. In fact she became extremely well travelled visiting many countries including the USA, Canada, Mexico, Australia, Bali, China, Kenya, the Bahamas, Turkey, Egypt, Hong Kong & Goa to name a few however the less said about the numerous timeshares in Spain & Tenerife that Dad took on the better as these were more a source of continued financial pain & distress than pleasure (at least for the most part)!

As April and latterly Heather dipped out of holidays abroad she was also known to adopt Dawn, Anne & David as travelling companions for those who were left and even managed the occasional holiday alone within Gwendolin when she was introduced to a more enjoyable form of self-catering helped along with glasses of wine before, during and after dinner!
Mum & Kevin also enjoyed holidays together more recently and particularly their River Cruise down the Danube where they also made new friends and spent some quality time together.

Mum also enjoyed many other activities in her spare time. She was a life-long Cliff Richard fan, going to many of his concerts, and our Christmas gifts to her always included his latest album & calendar! She also enjoyed participating in many “Singing from Scratch” concerts at the Albert Hall for famous pieces like “The Messiah” and arranged many family & friends parties & barn dances to celebrate events such as her 60th birthday, their Silver & Golden Wedding Anniversaries and her mother in-law’s 100th. Mum had a good sense of fun and loved looking after the family cats, Callie & Chalkie and her Christmas round-robin-letter updating everyone on the year’s events is sure to be missed by many.

Friends were always very important to Mum, and there are many special friends that she would like us to thank for enriching her life: Mandy who has lived next door to Mum practically her whole life and is like a 4th daughter, Betty, Jill & Truus and others whose friendships go way back, those that are no longer with us including Margaret & Don Wills and more recent friends from the village and all her various places of work and activities including Yvonne, Tim, John &Pat Harris, Janet, Daphne, Brenda & Ann to name but a few. You know who you are as most of you are here today, so please accept our heartfelt thanks on Mum’s behalf - you were all very special to her and your love and support was always very much appreciated.

This was especially so during her illness. Mum was blessed for most of her life with robust & good health. Apart from the odd chest infection or silly accident, like a thumb shut in the car door or a broken wrist on the dry ski slope, she was rarely unwell and so perhaps missed some of the early signs of Lymphoma putting it down to a “silly gland”, a bit of “old age” and too much “chubb”. However, once diagnosed, she was very brave, putting up with months of Chemo, it’s side effects & the indignity that comes with it and would only describe her symptoms to others as “I am feeling a bit rubbish”. An understatement if ever there was one, but it still did not stop her wry sense of humour & she would still poke fun at her condition if she could. She loved the staff at the hospital & always thanked them for every small thing they did to make her more comfortable, as do we all. The hospital staff were all brilliant and we could not have asked for better treatment especially in her last week when the 4 of us lived with Mum 24/7 at the hospital (probably against many rules) and shared many precious moments and important time together as a family.

Finally, there are some very important young people in her family that have not been mentioned so far, and were very special to her, namely her 5 grandchildren Jennifer, Suzanna, Danielle, Chloe & Tomas (or Tom, as he now prefers). Each of them has been a great source of delight to her and as they will no doubt tell you, she spent many hours knitting special jumpers for each of them when they were little and has spent the past twenty years or so taking a great interest in all of their young lives and achievements as they have been growing up. She was and always will be immensely proud of the lovely young people that they have become. She was especially pleased recently to see Jennifer settled in her relationship and new home with Dan, Danielle doing well in a career that she clearly has a natural gift and talent for (and who has kept Mum amused recently with her weekly letters of funny things that have happened in the nursery) and Suzanna and Chloe who are both fulfilling their potential and settled into their lives at University. Nor could anything have made her happier than when Gwendolin and Tom returned from Spain some years ago - she has been delighted to witness & hear all about Tom’s sporting achievements and very pleased with the academic potential that he is displaying at senior school.

In a moment they will all be sharing with us a few of their memories of Mum, thanking her for all those special times and before we leave today they will also pass on a sentiment that Mum would like us to carry forward, which just leaves us to add our own thanks for having such a brilliant Mum.

So thank you Mum. You have always been loving, caring, kind & helpful, always putting others before yourself, fun, optimistic, strong in faith, strong minded & honest. Admittedly, there were times when we caused you frustration and upset which would cause you to chastise or complain about us, but that was probably well deserved and for that we are sorry.

Thank you also for preparing us so well for our goodbye, despite the personal cost to yourself. You spent your last 9 months “feeling rubbish”, but tried everything that was suggested without complaint, holding on long enough for us to prepare ourselves and to share some final golden moments. You have also left us at the most beautiful & hopeful time of year with the message of Easter fresh in our minds and hearts, leaving us with feelings that you are still with us and guiding us where you can.

We hope that we can follow your example and move forward now in our own lives bringing joy & happiness where we can & helping others as you did throughout yours.

You will be greatly missed by all of us but never forgotten, and we will try to remember you always with a smile and with occasional laughter as you would want us to.

Thank you.