Donald Kilburn Swain (11 Nov 1919 - 14 Feb 2016)

In loving memory of Donald Kilburn Swain who sadly passed away on 14th February 2016.

Deeply loved and greatly missed by his son John, daughter-in-law Helen, granddaughter Ellie and by his family and friends.

Information about my father Donald Kilburn Swain, who died aged 96
(11 November 1919 – 14 February 2016)

Dad was a post-war baby, born in Whitefield, near Manchester, on the first anniversary of the ceasefire which ended the Great War. His father, Alfred was called up in his late thirties and seems to have served behind the lines with the Royal Engineers, doing his peace-time post office job – organising the soldiers’ mail; the history of the family could have been very different if he had been in the trenches.

Dad was a Lancastrian, as if you couldn’t tell from the accent! He spent his youth and most of his adult life in Lancashire, attending Bury Grammar School and joining the engineering firm Whitehead and Poole Ltd of Radcliffe, for whom he worked until retirement at 65. It was there in 1944 that he met my mother, Joan Temperley, and they were married in Blackpool in 1952, having over fifty years of happily married life together in Whitefield, Bolton and St Anne’s (near Blackpool). They had five years of peace and quiet until I arrived in December 1957. Dad was first and foremost a family man, enjoying family excursions and holidays often in Lytham St Anne’s, and Blackpool shows, concerts and amateur dramatic productions. He took great pride in his family’s achievements and was always very modest and self-effacing about his own accomplishments.

Dad had a number of health challenges, especially after he retired in 1984, requiring an operation for bowel cancer within weeks in 1985 and subsequently treatment for prostate cancer, which began in 1994, and also skin cancer. Yet I rarely heard him complain about his health, and he was always grateful to the doctors and nurses who helped him in a variety of hospitals in Bolton, Preston, Manchester and Nottingham. The same was true when he suffered a near-fatal heart attack in a Nottingham ambulance on Boxing Day 2005, often commenting on the timing and how fortunate he was to be in the best possible hands when this happened. Dad then stayed with us for nearly two years whilst he sold his flat in St Anne’s and then moved to the Abbeyfield warden-assisted flat in Larch House in the autumn of 2007. Dad adapted to his new life as a Nottinghamian really well, immersing himself in the life of the Abbeyfield community, joining in with communal lunches, exercise classes and excursions. He missed Mum greatly but often commented on how lucky he was to be in such a friendly and supportive community and only a mile away from his family, enabling us to see him for meals several times a week. He was also remarkably open to and fascinated by new technology, buying himself a second-hand computer as a ninety-year old and taking 1:1 lessons and subscribing to “PC Knowledge for Seniors”, often using it to help him solve some tricky crossword clue. Dad was a great listener, and loved to help people, whether it was his family, friends or fellow residents. Some condolence cards and comments made have mentioned the word “gentleman”. He told me that it was a point of principle that he would always wait until everyone else had taken their seats at lunch, not wishing to prevent someone sitting next to their friend, and would only then take his seat. He also liked to treat everyone equally, giving all fellow-residents a Christmas card until ill-health compelled him to write just one for the notice-board. He also had a fine sense of humour - we said he could “chuckle for England” – but often at his own expense, sometimes mocking his deafness.

Sadly, Dad’s health deteriorated markedly following a fall in July 2014 when he broke his hip, and this required two operations and led to a near-fatal infection and consequent problems. He reluctantly gave up driving after 77 years on the road. Nevertheless, whilst he felt frustrated that his health problems prevented him from getting out-and-about and socialising as he had once done, he continued to appreciate the support of all the Abbeyfield staff and community and of the nurses and Comfort Call carers who made his life easier in the last fifteen months of his life. As a family, we would like to thank them all for their help. We are comforted by the thought that Dad passed away peacefully, after a very long and fulfilling life, and at home, as he would have wished, even enjoying a few jokes with Debbie his carer and Diane, the Deputy Warden on the morning of his death, before reclining in his power-assisted chair. We loved him deeply and will miss him greatly, but we will treasure many happy memories.