Caroline Jane Fernandez-Montes (16 Apr 1963 - 18 Dec 2015)

In loving memory of Caroline Jane Fernandez-Montes who sadly passed away on 18th December 2015.

Caroline was born on 16th April 1963 in Scunthorpe to Coral and Chris Terry. He was a civil engineer with his own company. Caroline had an older brother Simon, and they moved around with Chris’s work until they finally moved to Nantwich in Cheshire in the late 1960s. Caroline developed an early love of music – singing with her family, accompanied by her Father’s guitar, started her needlework – which she eventually became extremely skilled at, and started horse riding. Both the singing and riding are activities which her daughter Sophie continues to excel at. Despite an initially difficult but happy early childhood, Caroline’s life suffered several traumatic events: her brother died in a motor bike accident when she was seventeen and her father died from a heart attack – on the golf course. These events, and the death of her grandparents – who she helped nurse, coloured much of her late teens and early twenties. She was never a model student – her rebelliousness and singular approach to authority were not always a happy mix, but she enrolled as a student nurse at Walsgrave Hospital in 1980.

Caroline qualified as a SRN and spent some very happy times working in a job she loved – her caring for others was profound, and her ability to enjoy herself out of work was significant. But it was through this time that Caroline started to suffer from the psychiatric problems that clouded her entire life: she was treated for anorexia at the Woodley Beeches Unit at Warwick, and started to self-medicate for bouts of depression by drinking heavily – which caused further problems, which she battled heroically for so much of the rest of her life.

Caroline’s Mother, Coral then married John - who helped Caroline with a huge amount of love and support – helping her buy her first house in 1987. In late 1988 she met Paul and their relationship developed – they married in May 1990 and with Caroline battling depression and alcohol, they succeeded in having their first child, Sophie in September 1993. Caroline had hardly got into the swing of looking after Sophie when she became pregnant again and George was born in October 1994. The next few years were tough for Caroline – a bad bout of post-natal depression was not helped by continued drinking and many admissions to the Caludon Centre at Walsgrave, but in 1999 the family moved from Binley to Fletchamstead Highway, and Caroline’s Mum moved to the Coventry area to be nearer her grandchildren.

There were many happy days as the children grew up, but also difficult times – diagnoses changed, medication changed regularly, support workers came and went, and Caroline hit a new low when she broke both her feet and ankles. This certainly slowed her down a little, but she responded by taking in a dog, Mollie, whose owners couldn’t keep her – and Mollie became one of Caroline’s most abiding loves.

To try and break the constantly repeated cycle of hospital admissions and discharges, in April 2011 Caroline was sent to a specialist “out of area” unit, Raglan House, in Smethwick, and while she initially suffered terribly there, especially being away from Mollie, her children and Paul, this proved to be a real turning point in Caroline’s life. While she remained on a huge number of tablets and still suffered occasional bad times, the days that followed were among the happiest and most satisfying of Caroline’s life. Her children were growing up and she could indulge her passions – shopping, home-making, the dogs and her children. It was in this period that Caroline started to make new friends, particularly Maxine and Sophie, and only this summer added a new Jack Russell to the family in the shape of Pedro.

This was a time when Caroline could enjoy buying perfume, shoes, handbags, coats ornaments and knickknacks – the charity shops of Cannon Park, Cheylesmore and Earlsdon have lost one of their most active customers: who now will buy the musical meer-cats and odd shaped clocks, or the designer clothes for other people? The house and garden will no longer see weekly additions of pot plants and flowers - Caroline loved buying houseplants. Visitors to Caroline who she liked would often emerge with a “new” handbag or bottle of perfume. She loved dressing up properly – always the jewellery, the make-up, the properly painted nails, the shoes colour coordinated with the outfit, with matching coat, gloves and hand bag – something from Eminem or an X Factor winner blasting out of the CD player, driving much too fast in her Jaguar. This is how she would like to be remembered and how we will remember her.

Many of you will know some of this story, and you will undoubtedly have your own recollections of events and how she approached life – she could be one of the most impatient people you could ever meet – queues and public transport were an anathema, and there was always a “right” way of doing things – thank you cards were obligatory, and expected. Cleaning, tidying, washing up and hoovering had to be done. Caroline disliked religion and positively hated Christmas – but the trees and decorations had to be dressed just right, and if there was a singing reindeer to go with it – so much the better.

Caroline passing was sudden and unexpected – but she went quickly – for which she would have been grateful. Her early experience of death meant that she did not like funerals, but I am sure she would have been pleased with the turn-out today. We should not mourn her, but rather thank her for the spark she brought and the good memories she left, in spite of the challenges and problems she fought and battled for so many years.