Ben Wheeler (17 May 2004 - 9 Feb 2025)

Tribute from Bens Celebration of Life

I could talk for hours about Ben and I cannot adequately reflect in this short time what an amazing and glorious young man he was, if I talked and moved as fast as he did, fitting 48 hours into every day maybe, but you wouldn't understand some of it, and I would have to include giggling and random noises which can never be replicated.

Seeing so many people here today brings great comfort knowing that so many loved him, there simply is not enough time in this short piece to name you all, we will have many times to share our memories together but please know he loved you all.

We were living in Suffolk, in Woodbridge when Ben was born on 17th May 2004, obviously he was several weeks early, eager to get started. His brother Will was 2 ½ and Harry was yet to join us, their presence is woven through every aspect of Ben's life.

So Ben, known as Bouncy Ben by many who had seen him grow up, and Ben the bulldozer to his Grandad Derek and Granby Peg, well was physically basically indestructible, with a complete absence of fear.

Ben's pre-school teachers recall him waiting until they were busy so he could go up the climbing frame, jump off and try somersaults. He asked me when he was about 6 years old if he could get a flying squirrel suit, the kind used for BASE jumping. It was clear raising Ben would be anything but dull.

He was an incredibly capable athlete and sportsman. He enjoyed rugby, gymnastics, trampolining, athletics, skateboarding, rollerblading, playing table tennis, racquetball, and paddle tennis with friends and family.

He played at Rayleigh cricket club for a few seasons, with his brothers too, smacking the ball all over the place and with a throw that always hit the stumps like a rocket, but the longer game never held his attention.
I guess the sports he loved most were football, boxing and skiing.

He started football with the fantastic Mr Toovey at the age of 3 on Saturday mornings, then joined Hawkwell Athletic until he was 18, where lifelong friends were made, for us too. He was a fantastic player in any team, and tirelessly ran up and down for the whole game, regardless of position. He was a top goal scorer, a ferocious defender regardless of the opponents size and often player of the year, county schoolboy trials too so he could play a bit! The bicycle kick goals he scored will be remembered always.

Ben supported Arsenal, and although we went to the Emirates and he occasionally watched with us on TV, he was a bit of a rubbish fan, as he would ask if certain players were playing, when in fact they had left years ago. He needed to be always playing and not simply watching.

He signed this season for Alliance Southend, he loved this team which was full of his mates, they seem to have a squad of about 60 so post match at the Victory or the Bull was always a good outing on the cards.

So to boxing, well I guess for a start growing up with his two brothers gives a good grounding, rough and tumble being part of daily life. The song you gathered to, let's get ready to rumble was picked by Will as it was basically the signal for it all to kick off. Whether indoors with cushions on the floor or piling around in the bedrooms, we only really worried when it went silent.

Our garden, many of you saw over those years, was absolutely trashed from all the sport. It was dust in the summer and a mud bath in the winter. We had a huge oak tree with a great treehouse built around it with a fantastic rope swing on a high branch. Ben liked to jump off the shed roof to get maximum swing speed and height.

We ruined several trampolines with all the boys and friends bouncing and wrestling on them. We were accustomed to the chaos but don't know how our lovely neighbors Chris and Dee coped living next to us with so many kids in the garden, constant footballs over the fence, and occasionally flying over their house. They even had the lower branches of the tree opposite our house cut so Ben couldn't climb to the top.

The street was a place of great fun too, skateboarding, scootering, inline skates and BMXs. Ben did all of these without fear and jumped higher, rode faster and did more tricks than anyone else as always.

So at one point all the boys decided they wanted to start boxing. Ben was a quick, fearless and strong boxer in training, in the gym and in endless bouts with Harry and Will at home. However when at Uni he had his first on a social media card down in Worthing, someone had pulled out of a card that Will was supporting a mate on, Ben just said, I’ll do it and that was that! Such good fun, he loved all the pre fight banter and trash talk, and published a training video under the fight name Ben The Wizard Wheeler, but what was also funny was that Ben was actually really polite to his opponents and couldn't really stop laughing for most of the filmed meetings. It was the same with another one in London.

He loved these bouts, and the support that travelled with him was fantastic. It was a real outing for all the Hockley and Uni mates as well as his family, Will was his corner man too.

Turning to skiing and snowboarding, Ben began in 2015 and was an absolute natural. His Uncle Paul said it was an absolute joy to watch Ben on Skis, on a snowboard or on blades, confident on or off the piste, on rails and big jumps in the parks.
Everyone watched with their hearts in their mouths for him to land the big jumps. If he fell, he still got up smiling, he would never say until later if he had hurt himself. 360s or tricks were always tried and filmed wherever he could see a bump, he didn’t always land them but laughed and said, ‘I’ll get it next time’. Skiing is something Will and Harry enjoyed with Ben and I think will keep going now, they too like Ben are very good skiers and this is a lovely way for them to remember a brother they were so close to.

And then of course at the end of a full day skiing, Ben loved the après ski, a few beers, music, uncopyable daft dance moves.

Ben was a born entertainer, he loved making people laugh and making people happy. He was nearly impossible to be cross with as he would just make you laugh and give that big smile.

In lockdown in 2020, we bought a set of DJ decks for Ben and this became a major passion for him. His best mate Josh described Ben as an unbelievable DJ, reading a crowd well, he also had a talent for finding the most crazy tunes that no-one had heard of before, always giving that little grin before the beat drop. Ben was making his own music too, and shared videos every day of new tracks, improving all the time, making his own identifiable sound. However he also had a talent for finding the worst songs to play just to get a laugh, confusing people with what on earth they were listening to and then bursting out with laughter.

In between all this entertainment Ben did actually spend 17 ½ years in education so he learnt plenty too. Pre- school was at Bramerton Road before heading off to Hockley Primary School and eventually to Greensward Academy. It has been wonderful to hear that during his time at Greensward Ben epitomised the reasons why many choose to become teachers. One thing that continues to be part of Ben's story, wherever he was, the ability to smile, the infectious positivity, the fact that he brought a sense of fun to everything he did, a charm that disarmed everyone. The Silver Duke of Edinburgh expedition showed his commitment completing it with his team in a summer heatwave, keeping spirits up and of course finishing with jumping headfirst into the mankiest lake that could be found.

Ben walked up and down the Hockley main road to school for years, whether primary or Greensward, nearly every day over that whole time he would collect his mate Dylan on route, just wandering in and shouting morning Lewseys! (often stopping for breakfast) Ben would also regularly collect things that were left outside of peoples houses, you know the things no one really wants, he brought back a pair of concrete feet, old chairs….. Ben used to turn up at home with these, no use to man nor beast but he was always pleased he had something that didn't cost him anything.

Ben did well in sixth form and we were very proud of him taking up a place at Surrey university to study events management. He got there through hard work and resilience, he was able to go onto a course that was absolutely perfect for where he wanted to go in life. Mr Benson sent a note to us this week, concluding that Ben was the student the teachers will always remember and the friend his year group will never forget.

Ben worked in quite a few places, at his Uncle Paul's dry lining company on occasions, at Dave Hunters paint spraying company where he even painted a very colourful wooden pineapple, for some reason but its treasured at home.
He also worked at the Furniture outlet in Rochford but we think it was mainly to keep morale up and entertain them all.
He was actually very handy around the house and often got called upon by Jules to fix things apparently he was far more patient than me!

He worked for Paul and Bills landscaping companies with one of his best mates Lew, he loved this, he was treated so well, working outside, top off, getting lunch and finishing early so he could then fit more into the afternoon and evening. He was never late and always went off with a smile on his face. Talking to Lew this week, Ben made work feel more like a kick about in the park with your best mate, it was always fun and laughter and they got paid to do it! And always did a great job.

Whilst at Surrey University in Guildford he worked at a venue called 33 Hertz, which tied in with the aspirations for working in the live music scene. Live music events were another of Ben's passions, he went to many raves and events with his mates. He is described by those who taught him as a student they looked forward to teaching, always ready to contribute and never short of questions or ideas. Always motivated and bringing energy to those 9am classes.

He would have turned his passion into his career I have no doubt. He had secured a role at Latitude Festival this year as part of the events management team, a great launchpad for him. It is heartbreaking that he will not get to pursue a career he would have loved, travelled with and been great at.

He lived with his close friends Eden and Dylan from Hockley at Surrey Uni and made so many new friends too, it was clear from the chats and photos how much fun they had together. He particularly loved being by the lake on Surrey University Campus, when we spoke he was often heading there. It was his favourite spot, having a barbecue and kicking a ball around with his many friends there. And on occasions using a giant catapult to fire things across the lake, good to hear student life hasn't changed that much!

Ben loved a huge variety of music and we used to talk about music a lot. Ben was open to all sorts of sounds as some of his compositions clearly showed!

I also had a couple of very memorable gigs with Ben to Red Hot Chilli Peppers and to ACDC, we lost Ben completely at the Chillies, he had lost his shirt, he wasn't a fan of wearing those anyway, normally topless whenever the chance arose, and had decided he was getting a train to Hertfordshire with a new friend, until I reminded him there was a train strike, we eventually found him, his description of where he was being ‘by the traffic lights’ for about an hour wasn't overly helpful, but he materialised happy as you like and raring to go!

Ben had so many friends locally, you all know how much you meant to him, and they spent the summers going to lots of raves and events, paddleboarding and diving on local rivers, going to DJ studios and mixing tunes. A couple of summers were obsessed with skateboarding too, with him and Dylan spending hours at ramps all around. Ben did love the summers with his friends.

Ben loved his family and his home with Maya, Will's girlfriend becoming an important part of his life over the past 6 years. We have so many happy memories of us all being together whether barbecuing, dancing around the house, playing games, his mates over and djing in the kitchen. We spend a lot of time with Ben's uncle, aunty and cousin, Paul, Helen and Gemma (and now Tom) and his nanny and Grandpa Sue and Keith, we have had so many fab times at their house, Ben jumping in the river, everyone paddleboarding, great parties and social gatherings there too.

There are great memories too of family holidays in addition to skiing. Camping in Dorset, Cornwall, Norfolk where Ben and the boys always made friends easily on the sites and would disappear on their bikes within minutes of arriving. Holidays out in Spain with my Mum and Frank, and other overseas trips. Ben and Harry in Turkey cramping Wills style whilst he was trying to chat up the girls was always funny. Ben had family in Australia too his Aunty Brenda and cousins Clive and Ross, I hope they are able to watch today.

Ben had a tattoo down the side of his body, in Japanese script which simply said ‘love family’, although we teased him saying the correct translation was in fact “ sticky ribs” That was also perfect as Ben loved a barbecue, ribs and chicken wings being the favourites.

The tattooists have been very busy with Ben's tribute tattoos, yet another testament of how much Ben meant to his friends and family. Helen, Paul and Gemma had the sticky ribs done last night and apparently his Grandpa Keith at the age of 80 is getting the same dragon as Ben, his first tattoo. The caravan club boys have had the coordinates of one of our legendary holidays together. So many others have had their own designs to remember Ben too.

He did love that value though of loving family. Ben loved people, he loved to hear about what others were doing, and he could talk about such a wide variety of topics from the serious to the absolutely bizarre. He introduced me to Big Les which has to be the most bizarre cartoon I ever saw, but we all sat giggling at it.
We knew Ben cared for people deeply but what we didn't realise is how much he helped people, those struggling with anxiety, those who needed confidence to mix with people. He made a difference wherever he was and whatever he was doing, in sports, in studies, in work, in music, in times where people needed help.

He was simply irrepressible, an energy force, the star that burned the brightest and the most intensely and so full of love and possibilities.

Put simply Ben just made you feel good, whenever he was around the mood was light, it was interesting, he lifted a day, the world was a better place whenever he was near you. His fantastic beautiful smile and his laughter completely changed how you were feeling about things.

We never saw him sad, not once, a beautiful soul with a golden heart, a force of nature that made us all feel we could do so much more.

Life will never be the same without you Ben, the sadness is just overwhelming and we just miss you all the time, and see you everywhere, on the decks, on a sports field, in a pub, at our home, all the simple things that happen daily that we don't realise how much they mean until they don't happen anymore. We miss the sound of your ankles cracking as you walked down the stairs, and how you'd burst into the room with Coco and jump on our the bed. You were so noisy.

But we have had a full 20 years of non stop love and laughter with you and we will never let those memories go.

As Faithless, dance music pioneers and greats pointed out.

God is a DJ

So you'll be fine.

Rest well our beautiful son, we will love you forever.