Dorothy May Gray (3 Jan 1932 - 25 Aug 2024)

In loving memory of Dorothy May Gray who sadly passed away on 25th August 2024

Thank you for joining us today, both here and through the webcast.

I am honoured to pay Eleanor’s and my tribute to our beloved mother, Dorothy May Gray. She was not only a guiding light but also a pillar of strength for our family.

Borne on 3rd January 1932, mum was the fifth of six children to John and Elsie Batty. The family initially lived in Roehampton where one of their neighbours were the Bouchers and it was their daughter that mum was named after. Professionally, she went by the name “Chilli” Boucher and was to be the last of the silent screen actresses.

Mum fondly remembered her youth, particularly family summer holidays which were spent on the Isle of Sheppey. During one of these holidays, in 1939, she had vivid memories of war being declared. Whilst other families were rushing back to London, her father informed the family they would stay as “who knew when they would all have another holiday”.

They returned home only for the majority of the Batty children to be evacuated from London. Mum, at 7 1/2 years old, went to live in Reading with her and sister, Audrey, stayed with a family whose husband was a soldier. She loved that they only had half a day at school with the rest of the day spent at other activities including knitting mittens and socks for soldiers, although, as she readily admitted, at 7 1/2 she wondered if these would ever fit a soldier!

After a year mum returned home and here she stayed for the next two years, living through the blitz, sleeping in the cellar with her younger brother, Michael.

It was then time to return to the countryside, this time to Woking where she stayed and studied at the Mayfield School. She, obviously, made friends and many remained friends for the rest of their lives, staying in contact and meeting regularly. They all had nicknames and her’s was “Dotty”. Well, what do you expect with the name Dorothy Batty!

She was heavily involved in the Girl Guides as was her sister, Barbara, who in fact tested and passed her on a number of guiding badges. As a Queen’s Guide, she stood in a guard of honour for Princess Margaret and, as Richard previously highlighted, was one of 25 guides that travelled to Denmark in 1949. We agree with Richard that this international camp had a profound affect on her and helped shape her thoughts and beliefs for the rest of her life.

Denmark was the first time she was able to venture abroad and I would like to draw your attention to the front of the Order of Service. This early picture is her first passport photo when she was 17. I am captivated by this photo. Whilst she couldn’t smile, I can imagine the excitement she must have had knowing that she was one of only 25 girls that were representing her country at an event where 7,000 guides from around the world were meeting.

This was the first of many ventures abroad with holidays throughout the world, mainly taken with her husband and our father, Hector, including Canada, with friends from when dad was in the RAF, and Zimbabwe, where her sister-in-law, Georgina, and her husband then lived.

However, the first trips abroad with her future husband (or I should say “veted” trips as noted by Richard) were two trips to Europe in a Singer 1935 car and then on a lambretta. One story from these trips refers to when they were in Paris. One evening, with some bread and cheese for their meal, mum was sent out to buy something to supplement it with what little cash they had left. However, and much to the boys’ annoyance, she returned with a sketch by a local struggling artist she had seen drawing near to where they were staying. The picture was still on her wall when she moved into Ridgegate Care Home six months before she passed and I am so pleased that my daughter, Dani, who always loved that story, now has that picture in her house.

This unwavering kindness is one of the qualities that defined mum, demonstrating compassion and empathy in an every day interaction.

Mum loved her sport. Tennis particularly. I used to tell my friends that she played at Wimbledon. What I didn’t tell them was it was a London Evening Standard competition - still impressive but not the All England championship! I do, however, remember the family always watching Wimbledon on the TV and, quite often, she bought the strawberries and cream for us all as a treat.

Mum and her sister, Audrey, developed TB in their late teens. This affected them both, for mum her health and tennis suffered (she was in hospital for six months and then spent many months convalescing). It should be noted that the first medicine was only developed a year earlier and we are so lucky that both sisters survived. Whilst mum may have carried the scars for the rest of her life, she never let them stop her from living her life.

Due to her TB, mum was unable to complete her training as a chiropodist. Something she later regretted. Her teacher was her Aunt Rosemary and she worked just off the King’s Road in Chelsea, next to the Registry Office. She smiled when reminiscing about well dressed couples rushing into the surgery expecting to be married!

She loved acting and attended a drama group in Wandsworth which is where Dorothy met Hector and the rest, as they say, is history. They were married in May 1955 and had two children, myself and Eleanor.

By this time the family had moved to Reigate and lived at 217 Sandcross Lane. A beautiful Victorian house with a large garden, with plenty of places to play. A wonderful house full of memories.

Camping became the new adventure over many years. Being almost blown off the side of a hill in a storm, Eleanor and myself in the car, watching our parents attempting to take down the tent finally put an end to that. Caravaning was the way forward and the Witterings came calling. So many happy memories there, playing in the sand dunes and swimming at East Head. As we grew older, it was time for a generation of grandchildren to stay with mum and dad starting with Paul and Dani and later Trish and Harrison. They all spent many wonderful weeks there.

Mum had so much fun with her crafts, from painting watercolours to caning chairs. It was at Christmas where mum shone, making hessian figures, historic peg dolls and the ever popular fairy castle full of presents as a Boxing Day treat. But it was her advent calendars that she’ll be remembered for. They are all still treasured by the recipients and, I’m sure, will be handed down to the next generation.

Christmas was also when mum was asked to organise family parties at 217 which she did superbly. Always busy, nothing was too much trouble. Quite often with different sides of the family visiting during a two or three day period over Christmas. We have wonderful memories from those times. So did mum, although it’s probable that she thought more of January when she had time to put her feet up and recover!

During her life, she was called upon to take care of a number of relatives. Aunt Rosemary, who lived in St John’s Wood, and dad’s cousin, Jean, who lived in Richmond. She visited both ladies regularly and then, when both developed dementia, she organised nursing homes, both close to where we lived so that she could continue to visit. Mum also supported dad’s mother, our Granny, who lived with us at 217 in her own space. Mum was always there for granny, looking after her, undertaking errands until, through ill health, she went into a care home, Ridgegate, where, some 40 years later, mum resided in the same room.

One of mum’s greatest acts of love was probably seen after dad suffered a major stroke. This had a massive impact on all of our lives but mum was there with the strength to support dad and also comfort and support Eleanor and myself. We have both been told, by numerous family and friends, how much they were in awe and how they admired mum for the way she coped over many years.

Latterly, when mum was in need of assistance, we were lucky to be able to call on Sarah who lived with mum for approximately five years, providing her with the support that she had once given to others. Her help to mum was immense. Thank you, Sarah.

We are also grateful to staff at the two care homes, Ridgegate, for the loving respite care and, latterly, Rutland when nursing was required. Mum was fond of the staff at both homes who chatted to, and cared for, her. Thank you.

Faith was always a very important part of mum’s life. She found great comfort in the church (she was a member of Reigate Park Church for many years) and this was reflected in how she lived her life. She helped lead the Junior Church for many years and supported the Leprosy Mission, by raising funds and keeping the charity on everyone’s thoughts, for approximately twenty years.

She had many friends she kept in contact with and I’d like to mention three. Anne, Margaret and David who are here today and who visited mum regularly over many years. David has ties going back to 1955 as it was his uncle who married mum and dad! Thank you for your unwavering support over the years.

I do believe that mum’s faith kept her going in recent years when sad news found the family. I’m also sure her faith will see her meeting with loved ones in the next life.

She has said that some of her greatest highs were reserved for her four grandchildren, Paul and Dani, Trish and Harrison, and four (to date) great grandchildren. We were so pleased that she met three of them, Evie, Sam and Zander and was introduced to Kaiya over facetime. She loved them all so much.

She was a wonderful mother, who loved and was loved by her family and friends. She couldn’t have done more. She never talked about herself when in company, always asking about, and taking an interest in, her family and friends.

Let us carry forward Dorothy May Gray’s legacy by embracing kindness, compassion, resilience and love in our own lives. Though she may no longer be with us in body, Dorothy’s spirit will continue to live with and inspire us.

We love you, mum. Rest in peace.