Brenda Thomas (13 Mar 1947 - 5 Aug 2024)

It is with profound sadness that we announce the death of Brenda Thomas, who passed on 5th August 2024, aged 77. Beloved wife, mother, grandmother, sister and friend to many. She leaves behind husband Richard, children Michael, Claire and Rachel, and grandson Charlie. We are grateful as a family that we were able to spend precious time with Brenda in the weeks leading up to her death.

A funeral will take place at 11:30 on 6th September 2024 at St. Peter's Church, Ruddington, Nottingham. Richard and children politely request that only family members donate flowers should they wish to do so (via https://www.lymn.co.uk/product-category/flowers/ ). We have chosen two charities close to our hearts and ask that any other donations be made to them in lieu of flowers.

A Synopsis of the life of Brenda Thomas

Prepared by her husband for the occasion of her funeral

Brenda was born on the 13th of March 1947, the first of five children of Henry and Lucinda McEwen, in Ashton Under Lyne, Lancashire. It was early in her life that Brenda demonstrated the aspect of her character that was to dominate her whole life. In junior school, she was in the same class as her cousin, Tony, and a friend of Tony’s who struggled at school. Brenda and Tony were protective towards their friend. One day, one of the boys had been misbehaving during a lesson when the class teacher threw something at them. It might just have been a piece of chalk or it might have been something heavier. Up jumped an outraged Brenda who exclaimed “you can’t do that.” An exchange of views ensued between the class teacher and Brenda, and she was marched off to the headteacher’s office and sent home. Mr McEwen was called in the see the headteacher. This incident was the first evidence of Brenda’s belief that a person in authority should never abuse their position, and a child who struggles to learn should never be overlooked or discarded. Whether it was this incident or not, but from her early days Brenda wanted to be a teacher and throughout her teaching career she looked to have the role of SENCO, special educational needs coordinator.

Brenda’s secondary education was at a Catholic girl’s grammar school, where all did not go smoothly. Whilst Brenda was recognised as academically very able, her willingness to question decisions made for an unhappy school experience. But she survived and it was with relief and joy that she moved on to higher education and trained to be the teacher she always wanted to be. During this period, she also took piano and ballroom dancing lessons to a high standard.

Teacher training was at a training college in deepest rural Warwickshire between Coventry and Rugby. It was on a Friday evening at the engineering technology college in Rugby that Brenda first met a new student from the mining valleys of south Wales. According to Brenda, he had an indecipherable Welsh accent but, despite this, a relationship developed over the ensuing weeks. The acid test was to come that Christmas, when Brenda invited the then boyfriend to her home at New Year. The New Year was a success. Now whether this was because of the charm the young visitor might have turned on or Brenda’s parents’ relief that their daughter had got through her first term at college without being expelled for being challenging. The college years passed without too much drama, and the relationship grew until both parties agreed to cement the relationship through marriage.

Brenda completed her training as a teacher concentrating on junior and secondary year groups, and she returned to live with her parents in Lancashire whilst her intended completed the fourth year of his engineering degree. Now as Brenda lived in Lancashire and her husband-to-be was still recorded as resident in Monmouthshire in south Wales, the marriage banns had to be published in both districts with a fee payable for both. Brenda paid both fees as she was working and her fiancé was but a penniless student. Ever since it had been their shared joke that he was bought and paid for. In his defence, he did buy the engagement ring; small but of great meaning to her.

The wedding was planned for the July and Brenda busied herself with the preparations, and her betrothed completed his studies and found a place for them to live in Leicester. It was to be a Catholic nuptial ceremony and the engaged couple was required to meet with the officiating priest for several sessions to demonstrate their fitness for marriage. Whilst going through various biblical passages and the wedding vows, the passage stating a wife should obey her husband provoked a silence from the bride to be. Whilst the bible says that God took a rib from Adam to create Eve, there was no way that Brenda was going to be any man’s spare rib. Suitable text was found which avoided the offending word and everybody was happy. Preparations proceeded but just over a month before the wedding Brenda underwent surgery to remove her left ovary when a large growth was found. Mercifully, it was not malignant.

The newlyweds settled down in Leicester but a few years after that the McEwen family suffered first the loss of their father to cancer and a few years later their mother following a series of strokes. They were both only in their fifties. Between these two tragedies Brenda and husband moved to the North East of England which became their base for the next twenty-four years.

It is true what they say about North-Easterners; they are a friendly bunch. Brenda made good friends at ante-natal classes and the local Catholic church was very welcoming, even to a Welsh protestant. Brenda withdrew from teaching whilst nurturing three wonderful children. Life carried on in the manner typical of young families, and Brenda eventually returned to teaching. Besides being the SENCO, headteachers were always delighted when they discovered Brenda’s piano playing abilities and from school assemblies to full musical productions by the children, Brenda would be leading from the piano. She also found time to serve a term as a councillor on Blyth Valley District Council.

More change came when the family moved to the East Midlands, a move driven by changed employment circumstances, but which led to a new direction in Brenda’s life as well. Brenda had always been passionate about literacy being one of the fundamental underpinnings for a child’s education. Whilst working as the SENCO in a school in a relatively deprived area of Nottingham, several local schools in the area were chosen to take part in a literacy project developed at Johns Hopkins University in America and being evaluated by the University of Nottingham. Brenda jumped at the opportunity, and with the other school facilitators, was flown to John Hopkins in Baltimore for two weeks’ training. Parents and trained volunteers from local businesses were roped in and part of Brenda’s role was to liaise with local businesses to encourage and train volunteers. By now Brenda’s role was evolving from just being the facilitator in a local school to working for a local Education Business Alliance establishing links between schools and businesses in Nottinghamshire to carry forward and expand on the literacy project. This was her final role in the world of education as she reached retirement age.

Much thought had been given to what to do in retirement. Brenda always enjoyed holidaying in Europe, especially France, and the vision became to own a motorhome. There followed twelve years when, at every opportunity, the couple loaded up and set off, around the UK if just for a week, but across the channel for extended periods of typically six or seven weeks, especially in both the spring and autumn. Eventually, after some twelve enjoyable years, osteoarthritis made the rigors of extended trips painful for Brenda and so, with great reluctance, they parted company with their motorhome and returned to more sedate holidaying. But then along came COVID. It was during the COVID interregnum that Brenda started to have some difficulty with balance and mobility. Just getting on a bit, we thought, but the risks associated with stairs and confined spaces within a normal house prompted a search for some safer accommodation. And so, after much searching, they moved into a pleasant apartment in a retirement village in December 2021. Over the next year the clouds over Brenda’s health darkened. There was clearly a neurological element but what it was, was not clear. Things came to a head in early March 2024 when out visiting friends Brenda fell and fractured her femur, putting her in hospital. Eventually a MRI brain scan yielded a diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia. Her condition deteriorated rapidly, and she remained under medical care in a Care Centre in Nottinghamshire, where she quickly became one of the most cherished residents due to her ready smile and gentle nature. And it was in this setting that she spent her final days until her passing.

Throughout this time, she was supported by her family and the Church community, and both staff and residents at Lark Hill retirement village. Brenda was quiet and reserved, gentle and caring, but with an inner core of faith and compassion. She was perhaps best described by the manager at the care centre where she spent her final days; “Brenda was adorable”.