Joyce Irene Thornton (20 Nov 1934 - 28 Apr 2024)

Kindness
The blind can see it, the deaf can hear it.

These words were written in Joy’s school autograph book by her Headmistress in 1948 when she was 14 and they made such an impression that she used them to live by her whole life.

Born 20th November 1934 Joy was the youngest of 3, but only by 15 minutes. Her identical twin sister, Joan, arrived first and they joined their brother, Peter. Born in Plaistow Joy always laughed wondering if Bow bells had been sounding at the time, making them real Eastenders - but the wind would have had to be blowing hard that day!

Joy grew up in Hornchurch. She had a happy childhood and always talked fondly of her family. She was almost 5 when war broke out but she remembered neighbours helping each other build Anderson shelters in their gardens and the large pot of “onion gruel” that was constantly on the stove and potatoes in the cinders, ready to be taken into the shelter when needed. Peter would point out the dogfights and planes to his younger sisters who found it exciting, not realising until later in life how frightening it must have been for their parents, especially when some school friends were killed by a bomb. Joy and Joan were briefly evacuated to Birmingham which she always found an odd decision.

Joy loved her council home and big garden with the single track push and pull steam train at the end. Her parents were hardworking people who she admired greatly. Gladys was a good cook and needlewoman and George educated her constantly – pointing out glow worms and star constellations and explaining why their home grown King Edward potatoes did not have crowns! George planted a Victoria Plum tree for each of the children which grew with them. Joy talked of how they would go leafletting for the Labour party and playing cricket at the local rec with her Dad.

As Joy didn’t pass the 11+ she and Joan went separate ways for secondary education. But she quickly realised it was a good thing because although the sisters were very close it allowed them their individuality. Joy excelled and with a wonderful sports teacher she learnt to swim at 11, winning races at Romford Gala by the age of 12. Joy won awards and trophies in tennis, hockey, swimming and athletics and was captain of most teams. She was chosen to go on a sporting holiday to Bisham Abbey, one of the first national sports centres; today it is used for elite performers, but she said it was rather sparse when she was there. She finished school as Head Girl.

Joy left school at 15 and got a job working as a Secretary at the Institute of London Underwriters, commuting to Lime Street in her high heels and pencil skirt suit, feeling very grown up. Joy continued playing hockey for Romford Town, even going on tour to Amsterdam.

At 18 Joy met Brian at a telephone box on a snowy Boxing Day. She was with Joan trying to find out if a hockey match was still on when a car pulled up outside with 4 chaps. They all got talking and Joy made a date with Brian and Joan with Peter.

Joy married Brian in June 1955 wearing the dress she made for herself. They honeymooned in Jersey flying from a very small Gatwick airport. The job that Joy enjoyed at the Institute of London Underwriters had ended as they did not employ married women and in 1958 Joy returned to her much loved old school, Heath Park, as Personal Assistant to Miss Samuel, the Headmistress.

The first 5 years of her married life she lived with Brian and his mum. It was not the easiest of times but Joy made the best of it and it allowed them to save for their first home. Joy enjoyed playing hockey for Romford Town, riding her NSU 198cc scooter and helping Brian find motorbike parts when he lost them!

In 1961, Brian’s job with Ford Motor Company took them to North Petherton, Somerset. Joy organised the move as well as having their new house built.
In 1962, Ford moved them to Bangor, N Ireland and not long after arriving, there was a snow storm. Joy was on her own and a bit scared but she dug herself out of the 2 foot snow. Then she helped dig out the neighbours! Whilst there Joy passed her driving test and continued playing hockey with the local team, Newtownards Ladies. She also had her first “baby” – Dusty. Brian came home with a tiny ball of black fur as the little kitten was going to be drowned. Dusty used to wait to meet her at the gate and then jump on the back of the scooter with her. Dusty was much loved and lived for 16 years.
In 1964, Brian was moved again, to Teignmouth in Devon. Again, Joy organised everything. Joy had never really been interested in having children as playing sport and Brian were her life. However, after 11 years of marriage and almost 32 years old, Joy had Kara. She was unusual at having her first child later in life and staff at Exeter hospital had not told her she could call an ambulance and so when the time came Joy, heavily pregnant, took the bus to the hospital. She was now a Mum!
The following year, Joy organised her 4th house sale and purchase and they moved to Galleywood in Chelmsford for Brian’s work. She enjoyed gardening and making clothes for Kara and could turn her hand to anything. One Christmas Eve, Brian arrived home with a fully feathered goose for the next day; they had a wonderful Christmas dinner!
In 1969 Brian’s job took them to Athens, Greece. Joy loved the life - sun, sea, good food and the international environment. Inviting friends and colleagues to dinner parties she was a superb host and cook, learning cordon bleu cookery as well as local dishes, using olive oil and garlic, still unusual then for many British. She got to know Athens well and knew the Acropolis like the back of her hand. When Brian had a heart attack they had to return to the UK.

Joy and Brian decided to change their lives completely and after 30 years with Ford Motor Company, they bought a small Wavy Line supermarket in Alverstoke, Gosport. As always, Joy made it work, going from a 4 bedroom detached house to a 2 bed flat above the shop. Just a year later, in 1976, they won a competition for the best small Wavy Line supermarket in the south and Joy went to the Montreal Olympics. For such a sport enthusiast, it was an incredible experience.
The shop was to be shared work but Joy ended up running the business and in 1982 she had had enough so they sold up and moved to Lee-on-Solent. Joy loved having a garden again and with her green fingers she created a beautiful space. She was a great host to Kara’s friends and Kara remembers her Mum churning out sausage rolls one afternoon as teenage boys kept eating them as soon as they came out of the oven! She took it all in her stride. There was another house move locally and then in 1992, they took early retirement and moved to Malta. Joy made lots of friends, loved playing tennis and swimming in the sea, whilst Brian worked part-time at the Ford dealership he had known from his previous work.
When Brian had a stroke they decided to return to the UK and in 2001 they settled in Christchurch where Joy joined the WI, continued playing tennis and made more friends. Joy dealt with Brian’s aphasia and looked after him as she had done all their lives. Joy was very happy when Kara and Richard got married and was thrilled with the arrival of her much loved grandchildren, Adele and Theo. Brian died in 2014 after 59 years and 11 months of marriage and it was only in the final weeks everyone realised how much Joy had been doing to look after him – once again, she had just got on with it. People, who didn’t know Joy, assumed she would move to be near Kara but instead she stayed in Christchurch for another 4 years, making it her longest adult home. In 2018 Joy decided to be near her family in Southampton and made her 12th house move. She stopped driving and got to know the city centre by walking everywhere, especially to Bedford Place shops and cafes where she very quickly became known; and also by the homeless to whom she would give a pound or a sweet as there were always several in her pocket. Lockdown was not easy but her extreme dislike of runny noses and coughing meant she kept Covid away!
Joy was diagnosed with alzheimers and vascular dementia but she was able to continue living independently, supported by her family. The only benefit to dementia was that Joy did not really understand the seriousness of her cancer diagnosis in February. In her final days, her thoughts were with her immediate family but also her beloved siblings, Joan and Peter. On Sunday 28th April Joy died at home with Kara by her side.
Joy was a remarkable person. She was the glue that enabled a long marriage and kept friendships alive with her loyalty and kindness. She was immensely capable and quietly adventurous and believed in helping others without making a fuss; she simply got on with whatever life threw at her. She was proud of her sporting achievements, her many single handed house moves but most of all of Kara and her family. To several people she was like another Mum, to Kara she was the best.
From the cards and messages received, it was not only her family who believed that Joy had succeeded in living by the words written in her autograph book all those years ago.