Sara Louise Paley (27 Jun 1961 - 17 Nov 2015)

It is always difficult to meet your best friends new friends, and so when I met Sara, I didn't want to like her....but who could not like Sara. To my 17 year old self she seemed so mature and sophisticated, but then she revealed her hysterically funny, life and soul of the party, inner self. As people have said, her acerbic one liners and social observations were always funny, and even in the midst of her illness she could still knock out a comment that would have you gasping for breath.
Sara always made an effort to keep in touch, and when she was able, travel to events and celebrations. She would phone regularly. It was easy to tell how Sara was feeling from her calls, and they were not always easy, but even if she was down, she could still have me in stitches. A good chat with Sara could last anywhere between 1 and 2 hours, and in that time we would discuss books - she viewed herself as a virtual member of my book group, and we would swap recommended titles. But more than anything we discussed - endlessly - the merits of the West Highland Terrier. Both proud Westie owners, I am sure we could have bored people rigid with our tales of cuteness / attitude / naughtiness, but we always had some tale to share.
I will miss Sara so much. She never forgot an important date, be it a birthday or exam results day. She took a huge interest in Katherine and Joseph's educational achievements, and was so thrilled when Katherine got into Medicine. They adored Sara, as did Jayson, and she will always be in our hearts.

Sara was part of the London gang that Andrea refers to. She was the tallest and funniest and most "together" and grown up. In retrospect that was probably not hard much of an achievement as we painted our flat aubergine and blue with a black ceiling and some old 1970's chairs. Sara was the epitome of sophistication having the outstanding and unusual good taste to go for whites and pastel colours. We just didn't get it. Underneath the cool was a funny and loving friend. We spent a lot of time laughing and when she was very low we used to walk round the newly developed Burgess Park Lake and talk about the world and stuff.
We were all so full of curiosity and hope in those days and this continued for many years. This makes it so sad that whilst we went out and forged careers, of sorts, she seemed to stall and her last years were not a joyful as we would have wished for her.
As she bravely took on and faced up her cancer she seemed to become much more like the old Sara again. The old spirit and fight. I shall remember her that way.

I first met Sara when I moved to London aged 18 from the Wirral to share a (very ramshackle) flat with my sister Fiona. Northfield House in Peckham was full of young people and there was a party every night if you looked for one. We met Sara almost immediately and very soon we were all best friends together, with Sue who also lived in Northfield and had moved to London at the same time as Fi.

We had the best time and I just recall a mad social whirl of the Uni bar, clubs, pubs and parties. We were also frequent visitors to Camden market and East Street market. Sara was brilliant and dazzling company, always so funny, always looked stunning but also a kind and throughly decent, generous person. Along the way our cousin Jenny, best friend Karen, Ann, cousin Neale and various others joined us in our various flats and we all share this history.

Fi and I took our first girls holiday with Sara to Aegina in Greece when I was 19 where we had a great time but also a nasty bout of food poisoning and a very eventful journey home!

We were there when Sara got together with Andy which involved some not very subtle banging on the wall to the flat where he was living next door. It became apparent very quickly that this was a serious relationship and they were a great, well matched couple. Sara was very lucky to have Andy over their years together and I know that she knew this too.

Once we all grew up and settled down we saw each other less frequently but when we did meet up, our connection was there immediately and we always had a great time with lots of gossip, wine, laughs and dancing. We managed 2 weekends away to Amsterdam and Palma which were great fun. I also remember When Karen celebrated her 20th wedding anniversary, Sara and Sue did a hilarious dance to Poker Face which had us all in stitches. Sara was there for my daughter Alice's 18th and my 50th just 18 months ago.

Sara had such a hard year and her illness was so cruel. I will never forget her bravery in how she dealt with the pain and she remained completely true to herself to the end with no self-pity and always positive no matter what the odds. I am lucky to have had such a fabulous friend and I will miss Sara so much. But we will always remember her and talk of her and keep her with us in that way.

My memories of Sara

I first met Sara on our first day at Harry Carlton School back in 1972, Ann and I were amused that her and Vivienne Brown looked like German spies dressed in their long rain macs and spectacles, little did I know that she would become one of my oldest and closest friends.

We were a close group of friends, Ann Scarborough, Kate Walters, Martin Gunn among others, and spent many an evening in the back room of the Three Horseshoes Pub socialising with the aid of several lemon and limes..... Yes really!! As 'worldly' sixteen year olds we spread our wings and went on a girls on tour holiday to Skegness and had a whale of a time, but we were good girls if not a little naive and always back in the caravan before closing time!! We both loved to dance to Motown, the music of the time and spent many a Saturday night dancing at Tiffanys nightclub in Nottingham. Sara was in fact with me at Tiffanys on the night I met my husband Andy.

On leaving school we went our separate ways, Sara to the bright lights of London, and it is one of my regrets that we lost touch for quite a few years. Then with 50 fast approaching and with the help of new technology in the form of Facebook, we reconnected, we were soon back into the flow of things and it didn't seem like we'd ever been apart. Sara was still as funny and quick witted as ever, her dry sense of humour and observations having us all in fits of laughter.

Last summer we thankfully decided to re live our girls on tour when we ventured to Halkidiki in Greece to visit our dear friend Ann (Scarborough). The three of us had a fantastic week with lots of laughter, fantastic food and sunshine. I have lots of memories of that week but one that sticks out and one that Sara found especially funny was the morning she got locked out of Ann's apartment. Ann had taken her dog for a walk and Sara not wanting to wake me up went to sit outside on the balcony, closing the door behind her. Unfortunately Ann hadn't taken a key and as I am partially deaf they were unable to wake me so couldn't get back into the apartment. Luckily a window was open on the opposite side of the building so Ann managed to climb precariously up onto the second floor from a neighbouring balcony onto hers and unlock the door. I was completely oblivious to all this and couldn't understand what they were laughing about when I emerged from bed half an hour later! I'm so glad we went but sad that we can't make it an annual event!

Sara loved to shop she had a clever eye for putting an outfit together and would in my opinion have made an excellent fashion buyer. At school she was always one step ahead of us fashion wise always looking immaculately turned out and trendy. She was especially good at spotting a bargain and loved rummaging through the racks always putting me to shame when she plucked out the most fantastic garments when I couldn't see past the end of my nose. She managing to find my sister a fantastic outfit for a family wedding for a fraction of the original price for which her husband is eternally grateful!!

I'll always remember Sara as a highly intelligent lady, she never ceased to amaze me with her vast wealth of knowledge and memory and I was extremely touched by her care and thoughtfulness. She always remembered birthdays, anniversaries and even distant family occasions that I had just mentioned in passing. Andy talked to her about how his mum had always as a child picked and made him a bilberry pie which he had loved, then months later on his birthday Sara presented him with a pot of bilberry jam which she had sourced from who knows where, and before a recent holiday to Portugal she wrote me a lovely letter and gave me a bottle of Portuguese wine just to get us in the holiday mood. Sara had a passion for cooking and loved to read about foods from around the world. She was always on the lookout for new and unusual kitchen gadgets her latest being a 'spiralizer' which she was looking forward to testing on us.

I'll treasure the memories and time I spent with Sara forever, a true and loyal friend. Julie xx

Sara
When we were small Jim and I had a family that was different to other peoples. We were blessed with having three older sisters who were early teenagers or approaching young adulthood. Each of them lovingly helped shape the people we are today as they helped to raise us. We looked up to them, and still do, and shared in their lives and adventures away from Selby Lane.

Fun / humour - Sara was someone who was always fun and exciting for Jim and I when we were children. I remember the way that when I was only 4-5 years old, she could tickle me like no one else, paralysing me with laughter. Every Christmas from the age of about 9 she and Andy would buy us VIZ annuals for Christmas ( on proviso we didn't let grandma candlish see them) setting our humour dial at quite a base level that we have never really graduated above. That and a penchant for Vic Reeves, which the rest of the family could not get their heads around at all. The tradition of unwrapping VIZ at Christmas has been part of our lives for nearly thirty years and continued until last Christmas. Jim and I have promised each other to keep this tradition going. My memories of Sara, even in times of depression, or courageously facing the terrible effects of cancer, revolve around her sense of humour as it was never far from the surface. Even in the darkest times she could lighten a situation with her dry wit. Some years ago, her New Year's resolution announcement of giving up competitive sport left me speechless. Pure comic timing.

Knowledge- Sara was always a voracious reader and acquirer of knowledge with the most impressive memory. Whatever subject you broached she knew something about it and most likely more than you, but she always shared her knowledge in a way that wasn't condescending. She was just content to be asked, and even happier to pass on her knowledge, which quite often made you want to go out and learn more about the subject in question. Sara and Andy's book shelves were always full of the most eclectic mix. This is replicated on a lesser scale in both Wandsworth and Bassingbourn. She was a very refined and educated lady.

Sense of adventure - Sara was always interested in other cultures, and travelled to places that no one else we knew had visited. She even managed to get my mum and dad to accompany her and Andy to Hong Kong. That said, she couldn't stop them resisting the authentic tastes of the orient and making a beeline for the Kowloon branch Harry Ramsden's. Sara was always passionate about immersing herself in her surroundings as opposed to just lying the pool, making sure she had seen the markets, eaten the food, and sampled what life was like for the local population. Even on trips to Norfolk which we'd been undertaking our whole lives, she'd find different places to eat and things to do, even taking me for surf lesson one birthday. She brought this adventure home to us. From as long I can remember, visiting Sara and Andy would always involve devouring a meal containing something you had never eaten or sometimes heard of before. To us, at anyone else's house it wouldn't have been served to the table but it was always so delicious you had to try it, invariably then asking for seconds which were always available. Even as we've gotten older and more adventurous with food she would still find ingredients and recipes that we hadn't experienced.

Generosity/ hospitality- if you visited Sara and Andy you were always made to feel incredibly welcome, with more food than you could ever wish for, all deliciously prepared with great thought and precision. Even on mundane local shopping trips Sara would make sure you came home with a pound of sausages / spices / veg from her favourite shops to take home. For Jim and I both they also provided a commutable place to stay as we made the transition to living in London. I'm sure she unconsciously played a major role in us migrating to the Smoke, as she had paved the way years before. Of course it wasn't just lodging it was full board. Down to the packed lunches and washing services, all of which were provided without hesitation and with warmth that made moving into a flat of my own very difficult.

Nieces and nephew - Sara was our beautiful, generous, adventurous, intelligent, exciting and funny older sister who helped show me the world and set me on the right course. The last few years, even in dark moments, I can see some of the same traits alive and well in her nieces and nephew, all of whom she adored. The games she played with them, and the humour and knowledge she shared with them, reminded me of the same 'naughty and mischievous' Auntie Sara that Jim and I had as a sister. It is heart breaking that they will not get to have her there as they grow up, but she will play her part through the rest of us.

We will all miss you terribly.

Sara,
Three sisters that’s what we were for 12 years until our lovely brothers came along. All three of us very different who squabbled at times but were a force to be reckoned with if necessary . We had a loving childhood mainly in Costock and then Wysall and attended the village schools. We were Nottingham girls.

Sara was and is my big sister. Bright, funny, kind, attractive, always fantastically dressed and cleverer than anyone I know. Sara also had the good fortune to meet Andy and to bring him into our family and he is and always will be a member of the Paley clan.

I always knew that Sara was there for me, however trying things were and she knew I would always be there for her. Life is not perfect and looking back I wish I could have changed some things but I categorically know that I loved her and she loved me and all the family deeply despite the trials of life.

We had lots of lovely times together over many years but there were times when Sara struggled. Her recent struggle with cancer was very hard and it was very very cruel but she was stoic throughout. She never moaned and fought it with a bravery that I doubt many people could. To have such a love for food and for feeding people and not to be able to eat and drink is the cruelest thing imaginable. She had dreams about what she would drink and we were always on a quest to find some far flung drink often from the past that she just wanted to wet her mouth with. Her last instruction to me was a frozen Orangina and an Appletize.

Sara always had hope though and she had bought a lovely house in Newark which she loved. She was frightened about the challenge of a new place to live but she knew she had the love and support to do it. She was returning back to her Nottingham roots. Unfortunately she didn’t get to move in but we know it would have been a lovely home.

Sara has endured too much pain over the last year and when she returned to Keyworth in March she was already quite ill. Her treatment was very aggressive and Sara followed it through. She also had to endure the worry of our Mum fracturing her skull and being very poorly for the last few months of Sara’s life. On the night mum fell it was Sara that cradled mum in her arms till help came and although they were unable to see each other, each of them held each other in their thoughts.

My Mum and Dad will always have three daughters and we siblings will always have Sara and each other.
I will always love Sos (Sara) and she will always be with me.

Jo

Sara
I fell in love with Sara from the first time I saw her.
She was so beautiful, with her lovely dark hair, brown eyes, long legs (that seemed to go on forever) and shy smile (although she had no reason to be shy).

I soon found out she was super intelligent and had the driest sense of humour.

Sara was fun to be with and she taught me and gave me so much. There was her close circle of friends from PCL and school and you quickly realised how important those friendships were to Sara, her loyalty to them and the importance of those friends to the end of her life: Ann, Julie, Andrea, Fiona, Susan, Jenny, Karen.

Getting to know Sara, you also met her warm loving family. I only have one sister so can you imagine the impact on me from joining in weekends at the Paleys - magical times.

Importance of friendships meant Sara was so hospitable. There was also sophistication about Sara. I was clueless 21-year old but Sara ate croissants, knew what a cocktail was (and could make them), and read Tatler.

She put huge amount of effort into meals & celebrations even in at the time a tiny London flat (with bath in kitchen) and made comfortable homes (something she did all her life) with a sometimes awesome attention to detail.

Sara was a fantastic cook. Delia, Jamie, Nigella, Madhur, you name them Sara had the books and used them to the full. She was meticulous in measurements and preparation, and liked nothing better than seeing friends and family – especially her brothers James and Marcus - enjoy her food.

Sara took pride in her appearance. Clothes, shoes and getting a bargain were really important to her and everything she bought was carefully stored and looked after - especially shoes! She always looked so good. That made it all the more shocking when you saw the havoc this terrible disease and its brutal treatment had on her body.

Her intelligence was phenomenal and she was usually at least three steps ahead while the rest of us were struggling to catch up. In the 80s, Sara worked in the London head office for a middle east construction firm (secretary to Finance Director and note Sara completed shorthand course in record time to get the job).

She quickly realised that this firm's approach to finance & accounting was not so robust. Her boss must have seen something in Sara because he gave her a set of books on finance (Frank Wood, Business Accounting - still on Sara's bookshelf) she read them and before long (about a week) was producing reconciliations, management accounts - the works.

She made order out of chaos and this was a repeating theme all her life, in jobs and in the care and attention she focussed on decorating her homes.

In the construction firm her boss tried to get Sara to consider accountancy training. She didn't pursue it because I think she’d thought she'd already mastered it - that intelligence again - so what was the point of studying it?

Later, at same firm, the chief exec set his wife up in a jewellery business. Again, accounts were not a strong feature of this enterprise and, unsurprisingly, Sara was called in to get things sorted - and she did.
After Sara left that job it was a huge compliment to her that from time to time she'd get a desperate call for help from the jewellers, and she really enjoyed those Saturday trips to London’s west end (she could name her price for this work) and remembered meeting a totally baffled external auditor. Sara solved their problems many times.

In the 90s Sara worked for an eccentric auctioneer and this time it was about dealing with the mayhem he often created. There were incidents with a client’s lost medals and a smashed antique doll but Sara smoothed things over and professional reputations were maintained!

From time to time Sara suffered from depression. It was hard for those around her, who wanted to help her and urged her to get help, but it was toughest on Sara.

Maybe the depression contributed to her leaving her last job, at the NSPCC. She enjoyed the work, administering fund raising, supported the charity’s aims but was never comfortable when she saw waste and inefficiency.

A comfortable home was always important to Sara, and she made huge effort to create warm, beautifully decorated houses.

Sara loved dogs. She loved with fierce pride her three dogs: Lucy, Sybil and Poppy and I think one of the happiest times was taking the dogs to Norfolk, staying with her sister Jo, and enjoying the beaches.

Sara hated cruelty to animals and there was one holiday to Marrakech where horse drawn rides were on offer. This appealed to Sara but only after she had carefully studied the condition of the horses before agreeing to get on board.

Sara’s sense of humour was extremely dry. I remember hearing one side of a telephone conversation Sara was having with one of her brothers. It was a new year and the topic was resolutions.

I heard Sara say: "My resolution this year is to give up competitive sport...". There was a pause and you could hear James or Marcus choking on other end of the line.

If there was one thing Sara could never understand it was sport - I saw Sara ride a bike once.
So she could make fun of herself and she was ways great company. Sometimes she might come across as reserved (and she considered herself as sometimes shy) but with people she knew Sara was vibrant, vivacious and always had something to say.

We all know how intelligent Sara was and she fed that intelligence with voracious reading. She got huge pleasure from fiction, history, biography. Sara would get fascinated by subjects/themes and then vigorously explore them. There was a Mitford sister phase, a Catherine the Great phase a Marie Antoinette phase… and so it went on.

Sara was a great reader but not of poetry. But she discovered some words that meant a lot to her. I came home one day and she’d copied out a poem after hearing it in a film. She recognised its power and was moved. It’s all the more powerful from our perspective - feeling the pain of loss.

The Life That I Have by Leo Marks
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours.

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause.
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

Sara was so brave during her final illness – the bravest thing I have ever seen.

I shall always treasure the love I received from Sara – loving, loving memories. Thank you Sara, you gave me so much.

Andy. 26 November 2015

Although I never met Sara I heard such wonderful things about her from her sister Jo. I am sure that now Sara is at peace she will continue to look after the whole family from her resting place. The whole family will be in my thoughts on Thursday. X