Paul Gal (13 May 1975 - 4 Mar 2024)

My darling Paul, this it will be my last msg on this platform. I just want to let you know that apart from losing you and dealing with the pain of your departure, another one of my biggest challenges is yet to come...unfortunately it's what we were dreading. So my darling Paul I'm sorry that i wasn't able to be involved in your funeral as I should had, but as you know I was too far away and dealing with two major things in my life, one of them losing you. Now that this platform has helped me to get my frustrations out and to grief, I now need all that I've got to overcome, hopefully win this new battle ahead of me. My energy it will be a challenge, my.motivation it will seem to me at times almost impossible. I will need by strength or at random, to ne unshakeable. May I never lose hope in face of this new battle. Through out of my life that has been a well lived life thanks to God, I'm discovering that every challenge I've encountered and every fear I have faced brought me closer to where I belong. My darling Paul once again thank you for loving me, for your loyalty and your devotion to us...thank you for never turning you back on me. I love you my darling. Xx

Our love and our friendship, were always a sweet responsibility and a great privilege, never an opportunity. We did not wanted to be just loved, but most of all, we wanted to be respected and to be understood. The beautiful story between the two of us...needed not a final separation for us to knew and to value its own real depthness... Just as my lips have tenderly uttered your name endless times, while my heart is bleeding within me, celebrating the whole of you... Your loyal and tender George. Xx

Being a father is a gift, a divine gift. And you, you were one of the most beautiful prove
I had the pleasure of meeting, seeing your devotion to your children it was something so beautiful .
You were a safe haven for your children.
Being a father is an arduous task, but you did it with mastery and love.
I have always greatly admired your dedication!
As a father and as a friend, you were the greatest example of loyalty, strength, courage and determination.
From here on Earth to you there on Heaven, I'm thinking of you...even more so today, on this Father's Day!
My Paul...my loving, caring Paul.
I miss you. Xx

Above all...and the main realisation is, nothing can bring you back sweetheart. That is a very sad and painful reality. I will never forget you sweetheart. I miss you, each day that passes I miss you more and more. All my love from your devoted loyal brother, friend and soul mate. Xx

I have forgiven almost unforgivable mistakes.
I tried to replace irreplaceable people
and forget unforgettable people.

I've done things on impulse, I've been disappointed in people that I never thought would let me down, but I've also let someone down.

I loved and was loved, but I've also been rejected.
I was loved and I did not loved in return .

I screamed and jumped with joy,
I've lived on love and made eternal promises that I couldn't keep.
I cry when I listen to music and see photos that were part of our history.
I've called your number several times to realize that no one will be on the other end of the line to answer.
I already fell in love with a smile, just for after losing someone special, (and I ended up losing you too...).

But I lived!
And I'm still alive!
I don't go through life.
I'm going to do what I know you wanted me to do,
I will be embracing life with passion,
life is too short and beautiful to be insignificant.

I learned from you to love life...
I miss you my darling. Xx

There was no time for one last goodbye, without any understanding we stopped seeing each other, even though when we were apart, we were always together.
Life took us in other directions, the pleasent silences and other sounds of our last meeting still resonates in my mind.

Words unspoken, kisses not given, just silence announcing this strange separation.
Today I see what could have been,
I really regret everything I didn't tell you and should have said, I regret even more what I could have done for you and didn't do .

Sweetheart can you hear my words now?
The peaceful silences of our last meeting and the things we've managed to talk about still resonate in my heart.
Unspoken words,
kisses not given,
and this strange silence announcing the end of what it was.

If I met you, today I would tell you that our time together was the best ten years of my life.

And that special goodbye we never said, and that last kiss we never gave.

This horrendous pain that is stuck in the heart.
The lasting present pain and the absence of you...
I am now lost in thoughts, I cannot escape. I'm trapped in the situation that imposed itself on me.
Isolated, with no way out or choice, life imposes itself, affirmative in loss and pain.
A pain present for the absent presence, a pain like no other, suspended in the air that I breathe. xx

My darling, when I die don't cry for me as I have cried for you.
When I die don't suffer for me as I have been suffering for you.
My darling when I die, cry for everything you want, but don't cry for my death. Cry with joy for everything we had together here on earth, cry for everything I wrote to you, cry for the nights we spent together on Skype talking into the late hours of the night, cry for the beautiful things we had the opportunity to do. Things we celebrated together, but my darling when I die, please don't cry for my death.
If only I had no ties or limits, oh life... oh life...to be able to respond to your invitations suspended in the surprise of the moments!
My darling when I die, who knows ...(?) Maybe we will finally find that beach we used to talk about it in our dreams, a place where no one knows our names except the two of us, a place where no one knows our love story, where there are no traces of impurity, where there is only a pure space and lucid unity, where passionately we can find freedom itself.
We will always be together my darling.
My darling when I die please don't cry, I will come looking for you. xx

Not being loved as someone is supposed to be loved it might be a very sad fact, but not being able to direct and to love someone it must be utter tragedy. We were both so lucky my darling, nothing was unwilling, nothing was forced, none of us two were looking for nothing. The stars were aligned, before we've met we were both waiting for each other...Being deeply loved by someone likd you has given me strength, being able to love you has given me courage. How beautiful we both were together, being sure and walk tall just because we were being loved by each other...It was like a dream, we allowed ourselves to dream and to plan. If we would have lived, we would have died of old age together...I was blessed by being loved before you, but you were my third lucky time and you will be my last. Forever yours my darling. Xx

"Excuses" and "I'm sorry's" the best virtue of certain mere mortals. Repentance of the evil committed from fear of what karma can bring them.

When there is some kind of compatibility of souls, it is even possible to close our eyes and ignore any incompatibility of the bodies, but there is no compatibility of bodies that can overcome the incompatibility of souls.

Messages have been enlightening, things that I wasn't even aware of. 
I can only assume you were trying to protect me, some have been very sad to read, others have brought a certain comfort to my soul. I don't reply to any of them, neither I confirm nor I deny anything, but It's alleged that one day in February, you felt really insulted between an unpleasant odor of cologne, you looked across your hall way all grossed out and you said:

"How on this earth did I ever manage to put myself through this...?"

We all knew it wasn't your "think", but out of respect we didn't dare say nothing at all, we just watched with great sadness.

Even your honesty about it, that you were honest from day one, it was never love, it was no attraction, it was just like: 
"Friends with benefits"
I just learnt that too, not too long ago. Again I guess you never told me that, because you knew I would have an opinion about it. 
Aahhh my darling if only you would have told me those details, I would had saved you from so much unwanted and unacceptable behaviour.  

Everything you were accepting and tolerating, even after moving to your new home, it was all simply a matter of time my darling until I would get there again.

You used to say:
"Fool me once shame on them, fool me twice shame on them again, fool me three times shame on me."
Not at all my darling, not at all... no shame on you at all!
You were just going with the motions, your pure and kind soul could no longer deal with toxic situations. In your heart and mind that was just for the time being, until I would get there, would be an easy option for you. 
Sorry my darling I didn't move there in time to protect you. Xx

May the strength of the resentment that I feel, do not prevent me from carry on feeling what I long for...
May the end of everything we had together, not cover my eyes nor my mouth; because half of me is my love for you, and the other half is how much you loved me too...
May the words I write be read as a prayer and respected as the only thing 
I have left in me,
I am a man flooded with feelings and longing ...
May God continue to comfort my heart at this difficult time. I know that I will not be able to remove the pain that is in my heart, but may I continue to feel comfort in the memory of your arms that protected me from the world.
Because half of me is what I used to feel, the other half is what I still feel now...
In the beautiful story of two happy people, who truly loved each other, have no end or death, they are born and die as many times, as the love they felt for each other was pure. Feelings that are eternal, just as nature is, feelings that are endless just as the sky is...
My beautiful Paul,
I miss you every day. Xx

For the moon never beams, without bringing me moments and thoughts of my beautiful Paul. We loved with a love that was much more than just love...xx

Walking close in a journey with real people, with true love, dedictation and loyalty, will never be waisted time. The essentials to make life worth living. I thank you my darling. Xx

Oh my Paul, how I need your wisdom right now. To hear your voice and bring me some comfort. Mum is not doing well, her cancer has progressed to stage 4 and I am absolutely terrified that I’m going to lose her too. I know I hurt you before, I know I did stupid things. I regret every last one of those ridiculous mistakes I made. I never wanted to hurt you but I know I did and from the very bowels of my heart I am so deeply sorry. I know these words have come too late for you too hear but I hope you knew I was sorry and that you truly did mean the world and more to me, our relationship got so much better in the last few months before your death and I am so happy about that. That Monday will remain one of my most cherished memories of us, we laughed, we talked, we did our hair for each other. I just wish I could have done more to save you, I would have given my life for yours. I sit here now with your boy Dexter by my side tears running down my face, I just wish I could hug you and tell you what’s been going on since you passed. I’ll admit I haven’t been doing well, I feel very alone, I suppose I deserve it, but do I? I don’t really don’t know. I still find myself now and then going to call or text you, but then reality hits. But anyway in time I suppose I’ll get better, I know you’re in Gods hands, and you’ll be with your mum and brother. You truly deserved the world my Paul, I miss you with all my heart and I love you with every fibre of my being. I hope I get to see you again when it’s my time, but for now I’ll just pay you a visit in my memories. God Bless my Paul, God Bless. ❤️❤️

Of all the lovers and romances I have had before, you being the third one. I loved them all for different reasons, but I loved them all in equal measures, even the ones who made me cry. You being the most special one, you were my very last. This heart of mine is no longer available. On that dreadful night you went, you toke the whole of me with you. I'm left here on this Earth just to keep the memory of you alive. Thank you for loving me, thank you for your loyalty, thank you for the respect you showed me and thank you for being so proud of being seen with me. You have given me at the later stage of my life, some of the most memorable moments of utter joy. Thank you my darling. Xx

On that day...that very special day. We took a look at each other, that was all we could do and then our hearts stood still. Our feet could step and walk, our lips could move and talk and yet our hearts stood still. Xx

May love always be like ours...may love always be a reason, may love always be a meeting of two hearts and not an escape. May love always be an enhancement that amplifies what is already beautiful inside ourselves. Nothing make us more beautiful and kinder, than as we feel ourselves to be loved and to love, we were the lucky ones sweetheart. Our dreams might have been lost inside the nights we didn't spent together but our love just grown stronger. Xx

This privilege we both had, of feeling at home, regardless of where we were, as long as we were together. This love was not forced, this love was not chosen, it simply happened as if by magic, the cosmos were aligned for us to meet and to be...it was not a selfish love, it was a love that prioritized us...In the face of my broken heart, no one else except your children has got the right to speak of love or to imitate what we had...xx

Today marks 3 months since you became one of gods most beautiful Angels. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. The day you passed away will forever haunt me, but I take some comfort knowing you wasn’t in pain and you wasn’t alone. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I love you Paul. ❤️

It was three months ago today, that we had our last conversation.
We talked about the day you had, about the day I had.
We talked about plans for me to come on your birthday and then come back again but that time for a longer stay, where the days would be warmer and the nights would be longer.
We talked about good sunny days, about barbecues in your garden and about meetings with friends who had been absent on purpose, during that other weird brief transition in your life, that you have had somewhere else.
We talked about day trips to London and weekends, about revisiting people who missed you allot.
We talked about going to see a show in the Westend, Abba Voyage or Hamilton.
Aahhh...sweetheart how much I also miss our occasional moments of silence that made our company with each other so relaxed, so pleasurable... xx

In the Summer sunshine the icecreams melt. Lovers sitting on a towel on the golden sand, look at each other passionately. Strolling outside on a Summer's day like today, it's a reminder of you, of us...You are certainly abd continue to be the most beautiful and the kindest. Along these shores we used to have our rendezvous where the sun touches the sea...and as long as I am here on this Earth, my writings that you loved so very much shall give you life. I miss you my darling Paul xx

Yes, I knew your joys and your sorrows, and when you slept, your dreams were my dreams too...

The times we weren't in each other's company, we had a meeting point between us, we looked up into the night sky and there we found ourselves sharing our dreams with the moon.

My darling, if one day my voice fades in your ears, and if my love evaporates from your memory, then we will return to our meeting point, where the moon knows all our secrets and dreams!

The hearts that sadness unites remain united forever. The bond of sadness is stronger than the bond of joy. And the love that tears wash away becomes eternally pure and beautiful...

We were lovers and from lovers we became friends, and from there a bond was created between us, and many were those who tried to break it but never succeeded, on the contrary, they made it stronger...

I've become a non negotiable presence in your life, you didn't had to my darling, I knew you loved me...Xx