Geoffrey Willetts (3 Apr 1936 - 27 Dec 2023)

Our dad lived out his final years with vascular dementia which got progressively worse, but all through that period we prompted him to remember things from his past and I have tried to incorporate glimpses into the past into this eulogy.
Geoffrey Willetts was born on 3rd April 1936 to Reginald and Ciss. Despite being surrounded by extended family, growing up he was an only child, as it was not until he was 17 and at work that his sister Glenis was born. During his early life the family lived in Oldswinford. He remembered living at 175 Hagley Road and hearing the sirens during the war. They had a corrugated steel bomb shelter in the front garden as it backed onto an alley behind. He also recalled walking to Pedmore School and Mrs Hudd the headmistress.
From these humble beginnings the family lived a comfortable life around the engineering factory setup by Dad’s grandad in the Lye, and there are many photographs of Dad at the seaside soon after the end of the war.
Time was spent with Aunts & Uncles as well as Grandparents, and only in the last few days have I learnt that Dad and Auntie Lil were responsible for naming one of Dad’s cousins, Graham, who was 12 years younger. Sadly Graham and Sheila cannot be with us today but they fondly remember Dad. The importance of family was ingrained and in later life Dad enjoyed taking his Uncle Ken out. They both enjoyed a walk in Mary Stevens Park, an ice cream and a good rattle. Cousin Susan and Brian were always grateful for this and Susan often visited Dad years later.
Glenis came along in 1953, and by then Dad was at work and had met Eileen Massey at a Webbs Seeds dance. Quite why him and Roger Maiden were present when neither of them worked there and lived the other side of Stourbridge is anyone’s guess. But they saw these two “birds” across the room, and Dad remarked “I’m having the redhead”. After Mum’s passing in 2019, Dad always reminded us that “I had her for 68 years, and she had me. If I could turn back time and start again, I wouldn’t change a thing”.
The young couple enjoyed spending time with Glenis, and to her it was like having a second Dad rather than a brother.
After getting married in 1957 at Wordsley Church, the family lived with the Massey’s at 17 John Street even after I arrived in 1960, and it was thanks to the generosity of the families that they could afford to buy their first (and last) house on the new Ashwood Park estate in Wordsley in April 1963. With Jayne arriving in June, we all lived there happily surrounded by wonderful neighbours and friends. Even with dementia he never forgot how much they paid for the house.
I always remember having holidays, and with Dad’s grandad having a bungalow in Weston-Super-Mare it was a popular destination. It was during one visit that I helped get Dad off the hook. She was not very old and Mum had left Dad watching us on the beach. Jayne said she was going to look at the boats, and Dad assumed it was the toy boating pool on the beach that was close by. When Mum returned and no sign of Jayne, all hell broke loose. She was eventually found looking at the big boats in the harbour, but not before I diverted attention from Dad by asking if we could go and have lunch and look for her later. I was hungry! I’m sure Dad still got it in the neck, but Mum only ever told the story about me and my stomach.
I also remember going on a trip one Saturday to drive Sid and Min, the in laws, to a holiday in Rhyl. I was not very old, and I recall Dad saying we had to go early to get back because there was a very important football match on in the afternoon. It was 1966. I don’t remember watching the game but I do remember the day.
Dad began work at the age of 15 and would cycle from Oldswinford to the station at Stourbridge Junction and get the train to Blackheath where he did his apprenticeship at AEI. He worked at the same site for 48 years with the company going through lots of name changes through the years. I remember it as GEC as I worked there for 10 years during the 80’s.
There have been times when someone introduced themselves to Dad as they remembered him from the 1950’s and 60’s, despite not having seen him since. He must have left a lasting impression on so many people as there are many fond remembrances from what was ultimately Electrodrives on Facebook. He was obviously well liked and respected, and that is such great comfort to us all.
As years went by, Mum and Dad took great joy in our lives as well as his little sister. Glenis married John in 1978 and have lived happily ever since. But when Jayne married Paul in 1987 and I married Mandy the following year, their thoughts turned to grandchildren. Thankfully Jayne and Paul had Andrew and then Matthew, and that took the pressure off. As they grew up, Dad used to love having Andy’s keen help in the garden; cutting down trees, sweeping up leaves. Matt used to love watching them.
Dad eventually took voluntary redundancy at 63 and bought a bike and a computer with some of the money. He had always been involved in playing as well as administering bowls, dominoes and crib leagues, and he used the computer to help him. All through my life I remember score cards from the various leagues being posted through the door or coming in a big bundle through the post. I understand that he was known for administering fines for late cards as it stopped the results and league table being promptly updated. With help, he learnt how to use the computer to enter the results and automate the league tables and associated averages. He always took great pleasure in showing me what he had learnt on the computer, but not as much pleasure and pride I got from seeing it.
He always collected the football pools, initially to supplement his wages but eventually because he just enjoyed doing it. Whereas he used to go round in the car, once he was retired he switched to going on his bike and he did this right up until he was in his late 70’s.
Not long after he had bought his bike, I was at home in Coven one Saturday morning with a coffee and the paper. There was a knock on the door and he had ridden all the way from Wordsley (about 17 miles) on the canal towpaths. After a cuppa he was off again; despite my efforts to run him back. He loved being out whether on his bike, walking or bowling.
He bowled for the Stuart Crystal club for many years, until it sadly closed. But he moved with the team and bowled with them under the guise of Dudley Dell for many more years. He always looked forward to April when he could have a “rollup” after the winter and made lots of great friends doing this. A lot of those teammates have sadly passed themselves, but we have had lots of messages of remembrance from those that remember him. He stopped playing as dementia took over, and I always planned to have a game with him but never found the time. Big regret.
He played crib and dominoes competitively right up to the pandemic (he won more than he lost) and made lots of friends through both. The pandemic was hard for everyone, but especially for anyone with dementia. Jayne and I took to playing crib with him to keep his mind active. We would miscount our hands sometimes and although he may not have known what day it was, he was quick to point out our mistakes.
One constant all through Dad’s life has been the Bird in Hand in John Street, where I hope you will all join us later to remember him. From his first visits with “father in law” Sidney at 15 to get a bottle of pop as it was just up the road, all the way through to him turning up confused after Mum’s passing, he has always gone there for a Sunday lunchtime pint as well as playing crib for the team. Almost 70 years being his local. We can’t think of a better place to send him off.
He loved a pint but always said he could never just sit in a pub for the sake of drinking. For Dad it was about having a game with his mates.
He seemed to be friends with everyone. Everywhere we went someone knew him, and I can honestly say that I never heard a bad word about him. He loved the simple things in life (that’s why Andy and I were his favourites 😊), and once we took Mum & Dad to the Cotswold to celebrate an anniversary. We had this lovely meal in a posh hotel, and at the end he turned to me and said “It’s nice, but you can’t beat your Mum’s cooking”.
During later life he started to show signs of forgetfulness and was having frequent memory tests. After several years of seeming inactivity, Jayne and I went to the doctors with him & Mum and we found out why; not only had Mum been coaching him the answers to the questions before he went, but she also tried to speak for him while we were in the doctors. God bless her.
He had always had good health and continued to do so, but then Vascular Dementia was finally diagnosed and over several years his memory continued to degenerate. One pleasure was driving and being able to pick up his mates to take them to bowls, dominoes or crib matches. It was a hard and sad when I had to take his driving license off him in 2019. Up until then I had been getting him to drive me somewhere regularly and he was still the excellent, considerate & decisive driver I remember. Sadly, he was the one relying on lifts after that.
As his memory lapsed, he gave up reading & started doing word puzzles as well as jigsaws. He used to meticulously log all of the time he spent on a jigsaw in the tiniest, neatest handwriting you can imagine. Always the work study engineer.
Nothing stopped us from celebrating their 60th Wedding Anniversary in July 2017. Neither wanted to have a big party so the close family went to Llandudno for the weekend, a place they loved to visit. The Saturday afternoon was glorious and we wheeled Mum up the pier. They made sure they walked back down it together though; hand in hand like always. When he saw the photo on the back of the order of service Dad wanted to know who the old couple were.
After Mum passed in 2019, he lived alone for almost 2 years and managed to do most things for himself, with carers only calling in once a day to make sure he took his tablets and had a hot meal. He still used to go out walking or riding his bike, sometimes up to the Lawnswood where they grew to know him and let him park his bike by the disabled toilets. Sometimes he didn’t know why he was there, other than because “Stuart and Jayne told me to come”, but they knew to feed him and give him a pint. And he always remembered his PIN to pay,
At the end of 2020 and the lock downs, his mental health had deteriorated and it was obvious that the time was coming when he wouldn’t be able to live alone. He had worried about it himself, and we had put cameras into the downstairs so that we could see him and know he was alright.
Boxing Day 2020 and the West Mids was in lockdown. Jayne went and picked him up and drove him “over the border” to Bridgnorth where pubs were open. Fish & Chips and an illicit pint later and the photo on the front of the order of service shows his delight.
It was not long after that he fell in the kitchen late at night and banged his head. That event led to his need for residential care, and he was placed in High Lodge Care Home for assessment, next door to where Glenis used to work in the stables and less than a mile from where he lived with his Mum & Dad in Norton before getting married.
He struggled to settle at first and couldn’t get used to not being able to go out on his own, but eventually he settled and was happy in his world. All of the staff at High Lodge have become extended family members to us. Through all stages of his dementia journey every single one of them treated Dad with dignity and respect and showed him, and us, so much love and affection. After one trip to hospital early last year he arrived back at High Lodge and announced “It’s good to be home”, something that meant so much to the staff and to us, knowing he was so happy.
For all their love, dedication and friendship we can never thank Trisha, Sharon and all the staff enough.
There is always something going on at High Lodge, and he was the star of the dominoes games arranged for the residents. He could still play, and always helped the ladies too. He always kept his cheeky demeanour, loving when the carers gave him a hug and a kiss, and they always knew if he wasn’t himself as they missed his cheeky banter and smile.
During the last 2 years he has never mentioned his previous home in Bells Lane, and only rarely asked about Mum. He struggled to remember that she had passed, but never showed any emotion that he had not seen her. In his mind he had seen her last night but not this morning. We are so grateful that he recognised us to the end, although not always our names.
His health has been up and down in the last year, and his wish when he was lucid was that “I don’t want to be messed about. When it’s my time I just want to go”. He got his wish, and maybe Mum and he are finally back together. I can hear her asking “Where have you been? What kept you?”.
The love that they gave Jayne and I, Andy and Matt and all of our partners throughout our lives, together with the values they instilled in us are instrumental in making us the people we are today. I know what joy and pride Mum and Dad took in all of us, and we are all so proud to have been raised by them both.
Dad always told me not to engage my mouth until I had put my brain into gear. I may not have always taken his advice, but I always remember it.
On a final note, we knew the writing was on the wall when we took his favourite blue cardigan away last year and he didn’t ask about it. We can always remember him wearing it; rumour had it that he was wearing it when he met Mum in 1951 😊. By the time we removed it there was more darning than cardigan. We couldn’t bear to throw it away and always joked that we would send it with him when it was his time. So he is dressed for the occasion today accordingly, with a tissue in every pocket just like we remember.
With all the messages of condolence and the tributes to him that have been posted or personally received, I speak for all of the family when I say that we are all so proud that he was so highly thought of and left such a lasting impression on so many people. Everyone tells us what a lovely man he was, and they are right. That’s our Dad, Grandad, Brother, Cousin and friend, and we will miss him immensely but are so thankful to have had him for so long.