Anthony 'Tony' McIntee (Passed away 19 Oct 2023)

Anthony ‘Tony’ McIntee

November 1949 - October 2023

Anthony Brian McIntee, age 73, passed away on Thursday 19 October 2023 at home in Haslemere, Surrey. He had suffered from diabetes since 2001 and this led to kidney failure which led to his death.

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The funeral was held on 21st November at 2pm at St.Laurence Church, Lurgashall, GU28 9ET followed by the
Wake: at 3.30pm at Shottermill Club, Haslemere, GU27 1NL

The service was recorded and the link to stream this, which you can download and keep if you wish, is available on the right-hand column of this page.

Some people have asked for a copy of the tribute read by Paul McIntee to his brother Tony so this now follows the biography.:

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You have all been very generous in supporting the Macmillan team and local nurses who made Tony's 'Hospice at Home'. The collection at the church came to £500 and through Just Giving, as above, comes to £1398. This is a remarkable tribute to the esteem Tony was held in,.

With our best wishes and gratitude for the warm support of all who
attended and our thanks to those who made long journeys to be present. Judith, Paul and Anne

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Biography: About Tony

Tony was born in Coleraine (Northern Ireland) on Guy Fawkes day 1949 to Marie and James McIntee, joining his older brother Bruce; and later joined by another brother Paul and a sister Anne. His father was a pilot in the Royal Navy and was stationed in Coleraine at the time. Shortly afterwards the family moved to Cornwall and then to Portsmouth where Tony spent most of his youth.

Tony’s love of, and obsession with, music became evident when he was at primary school. He would be listening to music, reading about composers and writing orchestral and piano pieces. Music was in the blood from both parents. His maternal grandfather had been a concert violinist having led several professional orchestras and string ensembles; his father and all his brothers had played instruments to a high standard, and his father (after he had left the Royal Navy and become a school teacher) had taught the flute and the clarinet as well as music and English. Tony also demonstrated a prodigious memory for facts about music and his interests which included railways, railway timetables, cricket and general knowledge.

He attended St John’s College, Southsea, where he excelled in music, geography, history and English. He took his ‘O’ levels a year early and his ‘A’ levels two years later. Tony achieved excellent grades. However there was no opportunity to perform music at St John’s, only to sing in musicals. So Tony transferred for his last year at school to Havant Grammar School where there was a good school orchestra and the opportunity to develop his composition and piano technique.

After ‘A’ Levels Tony attended Nottingham University to study Music – his main interest being composition and he also enjoyed singing in choirs and developed his piano playing to a high standard.

Following his undergraduate days Tony went to Birmingham to gain a post graduate certificate in teaching. He soon decided that teaching in a school was not to his taste. He realized he had a talent for inspiring people who wanted to ‘make music’. He moved to London and ‘made music’ in the evenings and weekends.

‘Making music’ for Tony included singing either as a soloist or part of a choir, conducting, composing music for choirs to which he belonged, playing the piano either as a soloist or accompanying singers or instrumentalists; as well as creating and performing music for pantomimes, opera and theatre productions. While singing in various choirs in London Tony and a small group of singers decided to form a new choir – so the Harant Singers was born. Tony led and conducted this choir for 30 years during which they sang regularly in historic houses and cathedrals which included a week’s services at St Davids in Pembrokeshire.

During this time Tony met his future partner – Judith – and he joined her in Haslemere for 40 years.

Tony’s ‘making music’ in London as singer, conductor or accompanist included the following: Pisa Opera Group; Bourne Singers; Morley College; London Concord Singers; Cantores Medicini; and Harant Singers.

Tony was known to audiences in the Haslemere area through his connections with Haslemere Players (sometimes as "the orchestra" for the Music Hall), The Thespians (as "the orchestra" for the pantomimes), Grayshott Stagers (conductor or band for their shows) Opera Omnibus and Haslemere Musical Society.

Tony will be very sadly missed – but looking back on the times we socialized and shared music with him leaves us with happy memories.

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Tribute to Tony read by Paul McIntee at the funeral service
Tony described himself, when I was chatting to him a few weeks ago, as ‘not a good person’. Tony was given to introspection, like his dad and many of the McIntee family, and was much more aware of his failings than his gifts.

Some people describe the Church as a hotel for saints, others a hostel for sinners; I think Tony was definitely of the ‘hostel for sinners camp’. In thinking about, and being thankful for Tony’s life, we can remember how Tony contributed to the happiness and fulfilment he enabled in others.

No matter how badly Tony thought of himself - he had a tremendous positive effect on so many people – he was much loved and much valued.

So who was Anthony Brian McIntee?

When chatting with Judith and Anne I wondered how much we really knew of our close friends and relatives. This reminded me of a sort of hall of mirrors except that instead of mirrors they are different windows into Tony. Each window being different for each of us who knew Tony or had come into contact with him.

Many of you, and others as well, have put very poignant memories and messages on the Remembrance Website or in letters or emails, sometimes both, to Judith, Anne or myself. We would like to sincerely thank you for these.
 

Tony was born in Colerain, Northern Ireland, in 1949. Dad was in the Fleet Airarm, part of the Royal Navy, and was stationed there at the time. Our eldest brother Bruce was 5 years older than Tony, Anne and I came later. Dad was a red headed Irish man and Mum was from Teesside.

Dad and his brothers all learned instruments when young and had a love of music. Dad played clarinet and flute in naval bands. When he left the Navy he went into teaching and taught many youngsters these instruments. Mum learned the piano and her father, the son of a hairdresser, became a concert violinist, leading orchestras in later life. So there was a rich musical background.

Dad could display a fiery temper on occasions whereas Mum was very stoical and contemplative. Dad was quite introspective, particularly in later life, whereas Mum was much more practical and ‘down to earth’. These factors played a role in making Tony the complex character we knew; on the one hand – the man who struggled with his inner turmoil – but on the other hand – a kind and empathetic person who was also a brilliant musician.

Although most of us may have felt angry, cross or frustrated sometimes with Tony; more importantly we have also felt uplifted, spellbound, inspired or quietened inside on other occasions.

I think you will agree with me that the contribution of Tony’s life outweighed the effects of his turmoil – and it is for Tony’s talents and how he used them that we are being thankful for in this service today. The music chosen by Tony and Judith reflects some of his favourite pieces – and one of these he has led many of you in performing.

So what has happened on Tony’s way through life.

We grew up in a house near Portsmouth, which was Dad’s last posting.

My earliest memory concerns Tony and his desire to check out facts, perhaps the early glimmerings of his pedantic approach which I am sure we can readily remember. Tony had been told, or had read, that cats have nine lives and always fall on their feet. He couldn’t test the nine lives - but he thought he could test the landing on feet. Our house had a hall-dinning room where the stairs went up to a balcony.

So Tony took Kitty upstairs - leant over the banister - and dropped Kitty. Luckily Kitty did fall on his feet after which he kept a very wide berth from Tony. I have no idea how many lives Kitty lost on that occasion.

We had a large back garden --and close family friend’s, the Clarks -who lived a dozen doors down the road. Our garden was bigger than theirs, so we often played cricket and other games on the grass in our garden. I was chatting to Mike Clark, when inviting him to come today - unfortunately he and his wife Mandy are not able to be with us - and he reminded me of an incident when we were small. Mike had pitched his tent in our garden – Tony and I were taking it down and we got into an argument – I undoubtedly goaded Tony and he chased me round the garden with a push mower – the tent gained ventilation strips as a result!

Mike also reminded me that his family had swapped houses with a French family for a few weeks one Summer and we spent a lot of time with the family and the children coming to our house to sing their French songs with Tony gently accompanying them. We all had great fun singing English and French nursery rhymes together as well.

Tony and I shared a bedroom and a table for homework. My youngest musical memory of Tony was Tony covering sheets of manuscript – he was in the later years at primary school – and was always creating new themes or variations. He learned the piano from an early age and I think was largely self-taught regarding composition. Gilbert and Sullivan operettas were a family favourite – we had scores to most of the popular operettas and enjoyed singing the most popular pieces – this was my introduction to singing. As a result, I now have a full set of Gilbert and Sullivan DVDs.

Tony’s childhood interests were music, cricket and trains (both model and real), and to a lesser extent rambling – exploring and current affairs which he followed through newspapers (no internet then…..). It is a good job Tony liked rambling as there were many occasions throughout his life from teenage onwards where he would fall asleep on the last train home and end up a long-long way from ‘home’ which he usually had to walk.

Tony was blessed with an encyclopaedic memory. If ever my recollection differed from Tony’s on anything he was right 99% of the time (you can imagine how irksome that was).

Mike Clark also remembered when he took Tony back to Nottingham University after one Summer vac, I had joined them a little later. We stayed at Tony’s accommodation which he shared with John Isaacs, and I think someone else.

Mike’s memory is of Tony humming tunes or thinking of music no matter what anyone else was doing – I’m afraid my abiding memory is of pie and chips in the evenings in the local chippy.

After graduating Tony tried teaching in a secondary school but that wasn’t for him. He later worked for the British Library and also in John Isaacs music shop. However his life centred around music outside of his ‘earning to live’ time.

He was involved in singing throughout school and university as a choir member or soloist – I remember Tony as Marco in the Gondoliers at school very well – and this developed into leading, conducting, orchestrating and performing with choirs and shows.

Many of you will have much more experience of these than I. However, Judith’s brother Paul, my sister Anne and I had the privilege of the Harant choir (and the previous choir in my case) singing at our respective weddings.

Tony’s ‘life in music’ over the past 40+ years included Pisa Opera Group; Bourne Singers; Morley College; London Concord Singers; Cantores Medicini; and Harrant Singers (for 30 years). Most importantly, possibly of all, was the encouragement and support from Judith, his partner for 40 years, through thick and thin, and through many years of ill health.

Here in Lurgashall Tony was your organist for 35 years, he is remembered for gentleness, kindness, dedication and as one parishioner has said, ‘his musical mastery’.

Up the road in Haslemere he was very active with Haslemere Players (as "the orchestra" for the Music Hall), The Thespians (as "the orchestra" for the pantomime), Grayshott Stagers (conductor or band for their shows), Opera Omnibus and Haslemere Musical Society.

Tony was Musical Director and pianist for the Thespians for more than a dozen pantomimes. In spite of his classical background, he was always able to rise to the comic occasion and be prepared to be made to look silly. He always acknowledged that while the music was important to the show, it wasn’t the be all and end all.

So we have looked at the ‘What’ of ‘What was Tony?’ More importantly, though, is the ‘What about Tony – the “so what”’?.

The messages on the Remembrance page show that Tony brought life and light into many people’s lives.

Some years back one member of Harant wrote to Tony thanking him for all his help and support that had helped her through a period of turmoil – following this with suggestions for Tony in dealing with his inner turmoil.

Tony was, as I said earlier, very introspective. He was filled with self-doubt which was more mind-consuming than the life and light he was bringing to others.

Tony had an extraordinary empathy with all ages concerning music; he was very kind, thoughtful, dedicated and caring with the family and many others - this has been echoed in many of the messages received by Judith from his friends and colleagues. The empathy with music and ability to explain and enthuse was visible on the many visits to my family where he encouraged all the girls with their playing, accompanying them while they played their instruments together with singing with us all. It is clear from the messages from the organisers of the dance classes and the parents that his empathy and sensitive accompaniment made such a difference to the children.

In the 35 years being organist here and the 30 years leading Harant and the work with all the local groups here Tony’s empathy and sensitivity in his musical input is clear from all the messages received.

How was this empathy and sensitivity at work? Tony had a very gentle approach to leading and inspiring the people he worked with. Whether this was working with, or accompanying, a performer or director of a show. He was very self-effacing in how he dealt with musical situations. Many of Tony’s friends and colleagues in music have written how he had inspired them to reach heights they had not imagined. Many have written to the effect that making music with Tony enriched their lives.

Oliver Cromwell is reported to have once said to an artist about to paint his portrait – “paint me warts and all!”

I think Tony had no problem seeing his warts, he just couldn’t see his face.

Many composers had very troubled lives – and we look at the works they produced and reflect that their inner turmoil enabled them to produce such works. In Tony’s case perhaps it was his inner turmoil which enabled him to be so inspirational.

I think we can be very thankful for Tony’s life, and his contribution to our lives - and can celebrate all he has brought to all of us and many others namely colour, emotional understanding, inspiration, and joy from the music he has explained and presented – and we must not forget - good companionship.

He is much loved and will be much missed.

Thank you.
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