Penny Leadbeatter (31 Aug 1956 - 13 Apr 2023)

In loving memory of Penny Leadbeatter who sadly passed away on 13th April 2023
Penelope Anne Elizabeth Lock was born on the 31st of August 1956 in Toronto Canada, the first of four children to Pat and Tony. Alison and then Ian came shortly after, but it wasn’t long before tragedy struck in the form of a car accident returning home from a day at the lake, Ian died, Pat was seriously injured and Penny suffered a broken leg (I think the modern term is fracture but it was properly broken!) The trauma of losing a sibling and isolation in hospital had a significant influence in shaping her attitude and actions during her life.

In 1966 the Lock family, now including Roland, relocated back to England, Penny’s dad was a geologist and had been surveying in the Northern Territories but was lured back to head office just in time for the upheavals of the 70s in the UK. They settled in Warlingham in Surrey, at a house just past (50 feet or so) the steepest hill in Surrey (Succombs Hill), Penny’s dad learned that when a carsick child needs to throw up you don’t try that last hill!! Maybe her future husband should have been more attentive to this story as Ashley followed the trend (but at a younger age). Penny went to school in Warlingham, well Hamsey Green to be precise but who’s heard of that and it was called Warlingham School anyway. It was there that she came into contact with Trevor for the first time, he was two years above and friends with Allan Marden who is still a good friend and married to Caroline, Penny’s best friend from school days.

For some bizarre and totally illogical reason she decided he was the one. Nothing happened for some time as he was completely oblivious, eyeing up her other friends, men!! what can you do. Opportunity arose after he had left school and they were both at a dance celebrating the birthday of one of Penny’s girlfriends, Trevor having been invited by Allan who was dating Caroline. Penny plucked up the courage to ask him to dance, he had a good time and agreed to meet her at Caroline’s birthday celebration dance the next week (where is this going you may ask). Well, the next week Trevor arrives at the party bumps into Allan in the kitchen who says ‘Hi Trevor, this is Penny’s mum’. Trevor of course responds ‘who?’ he hadn’t remembered Penny’s name and hadn’t got it together to ask Allan yet! What a good introduction to your future mother-in-law! Curiously, both Penny and her mum forgave him. Penny went on to train as a nurse at St Bartholomew’s in London, getting married to Trevor in November 1978.

Their first home was a maisonette in Caterham where they started their DIY passion, Trevor creating a small kitchen from scratch, no money to do anything else, everything having gone on the mortgage. It was now that Penny learned that if something needed to be measured, you don’t get Trevor to do it! One thing that Trevor learned was that if you hurt yourself, only copious blood indicated a problem, ‘where’s the blood?’ being the first question. Trevor learned to slink away into the bathroom for the sticking plasters, Penny learned when it all went quiet, and Trevor had disappeared it was worth checking how bad it was. She was very adept with steristrips and Trevor never had to resort to stitches at A&E.

Penny and Trevor moved to Bramcote in the early 80s due to Trevor’s work, Penny getting a job in theatres at the Queens Medical Centre (QMC). Ashley was born on the 5th of March 1983, much to the delight of their Weimaraner Lia who wouldn’t stop licking his head! Penny left her job to bring up Ashley, employment law not being what it is now. She still wanted to contribute financially so started childminding. One of the first mothers to entrust their child, Abi, to Penny was Kath Childs, who became a good friend and very kindly helped support Penny after her diagnosis. After childminding, which stopped when Ashley went to school, Penny had various jobs, she particularly enjoyed being at Merck selling enteral feeds and demonstrating how to give them. A part-time course resulted in a business degree being awarded, Penny was all set to apply this in a new career when her mother became seriously ill, Penny dropped everything to go to Bognor, missing an important interview for a management position at John Lewis.

After getting back from Bognor, Penny decided she was being called back to the NHS and took a position in theatres at Leicester Royal Infirmary, working happily there for several years before coming back to the QMC to a position in the emergency theatres, where she became a theatre sister, working closely with Alison Adkin who became a close friend and helped support her after her diagnosis and early retirement. Penny loved her job at the QMC and the people she worked with, she found her discharge/early retirement very hard and difficult to cope with, cutting herself off. It remained a deep regret for her in later years that she had done this.

Dogs have been a firm passion, starting with the family Great Dane Carina who Penny regarded as hers, well she did sleep on Penny’s bed as often as possible (forbidden by parents though) and put Trevor in his place by firmly placing her bottom on the settee between them. Her first dog with Trevor was Lia a Weimaraner bitch with great character who managed to trim the edge around a birthday cake before Penny went to investigate the clicking, she could only just reach and had to jump up and snap her way round. Ashley’s party was due to start shortly, no cake was out of the question, so Penny applied her skill, refashioning the edges. No one suspected anything amiss. Lia was also hooked on the delights of the kitchen rubbish bin and Penny kept hers well secured but explaining to friends that they hadn’t taken her ingenuity seriously enough became common. It's amazing the mess that can be made with the contents of one relatively small bin. Penny and Trevor took on a rescued Old English sheepdog, Misty, as a companion for Lia. Imagine going to the park with your dogs and family, Lia liked fetching sticks, so you pick up a stick to throw, and Misty immediately rolls on her back and screams in anguish, it does attract attention. There was also the time, travelling on holiday between hotels when Misty decided to cool down in the stagnant water in an old cattle trough, fragrant! A giant Schnauzer came next but then a long break while Penny and Trevor both worked fulltime.

After Penny’s diagnosis another dog was right, but what breed? Penny and Trevor couldn’t decide and went to Crufts to do research and where Penny was bowled over, well lent-on really! We were going around the pens where individual breeds were on display and having gone to all those we thought would be right (and come up short) we passed the Large Munsterlander pen. The dog inside leapt over the metre high side to greet us, Penny crouched to say hello, he leant in and she went over! It has to be said that Hazel has this ability also, Holly more of a battering ram! Hazel brought much joy to Penny’s life being a gentle, caring and affectionate companion. Penny wanted two dogs and had hoped to breed from Hazel but both Hazel’s and her health prevented it. Trevor wasn’t keen, didn’t see the need for another but a bitch from a litter by Hazel’s sister became available, so Holly arrived. Hazel thought this was a monster from hell that we had decided to torment her with, which made things interesting at first. Obviously, they are now very relaxed in each other’s company but Holly is the more exuberant one and will make her wishes known, she became more Trevor’s dog and has provided great comfort recently, so as usual, Penny knew best.

Family was very important to Penny, many happy holidays were spent at her parent’s bungalow in Aldwick near Bognor and where Alison, Penny’s sister and family also lived. Ashley was a joy to her and she was horrified when one day he came home from school and threw all of his work in the dustbin saying it’s rubbish. Up to this time he had been performing exceptionally well, but when approached the teachers just said everything was fine and he was well within the ‘average’. Well this wasn’t good enough for Penny and after pursuing it privately Ashley was diagnosed with dyslexia. State school wouldn’t address the issue, it wasn’t bad enough!! So Penny researched private schools, finding Loughborough Grammar to be the most suitable. A re-mortgage to free up funds and Ashley spent many successful years at LGS ending up with qualifications to get into Leeds to study medicine.

While studying at Leeds his relationship with Penny suffered. Penny had put up a deposit and entered into a joint mortgage with Ashley to buy a terraced house where Ashley and his friends could live while studying. The house Ashley chose was a wreck but in what he considered the right location, for university and clubs. He learnt that friendships get strained when people don’t pay rent and the bank of mum needs to be paid. Also, that he wouldn’t see eye to eye over the renovations, ending up saying I’m never renovating a house again (see later). After qualifying he got a job in Leeds but due to the unfathomable logic of the NHS found himself having to go through selection rounds to continue. A close friend, Juan had applied for a job in Australia and suggested Ashley did also, they both relocated to Australia, Ashley into ED living in Surfers Paradise in Queensland. Penny enjoyed two lovely holidays in Australia, the second including a very memorable week sailing a catamaran in the Whitsunday Islands. On the first, we knew that friends Kath, Roger, Abi and Adam would be there at the same time but who would expect to be walking around Sydney harbour and to see them. Australia obviously isn’t that big, we rarely bumped into them in Bramcote.

Ashley has now moved to Melbourne where he is a consultant the ED department of a hospital there. He married Hannah in 2020, Penny hated that she couldn’t attend due to her health. He has also bought his first house and is talking to an architect about some changes he wants to make…..

Jayne was born in 1988 and came to Penny and Trevor in 1992 after a difficult start to her life. Penny and Trevor wanted more than one child but had experienced fertility problems, so adoption was pursued. Jayne came with troubles but gave joy to both Penny and Trevor, also becoming a much-loved sister for Ashley. Jayne now has a good, loving partner in Shane (anyone need a magic display?), they have two lovely daughters, Eleanor and Matilda (tilly). Penny spent many hours being Grandma to Eleanor, she was very precious to her. Tilly coming into the world just over a year ago has seen little of Penny who spent the post covid years in almost complete isolation, just about every time an indoors meeting took place Penny would get a virus. They live in Chilwell, owning a house Penny had previously renovated.

The nine and a half years since Penny’s diagnosis were difficult for her but not without a lot of joy, thanks and gratitude go to the dedication, humanity and professionalism of the people at the Haematology department of the City Hospital. Without them life would have been shorter and more difficult. How Penny fought, every person’s myeloma is slightly different, Penny’s mainly affected her bones, a successful line of chemotherapy treatment invariably doesn’t last long, myeloma learns.

What did Trevor learn?
1. Don’t stop fighting.
2. CDs, Fentanyl patches, shortec, oxycontine, oxycodone are Controlled Drugs and need to be signed for.
3. About autologous stem cell transplants, Penny had two.
4. Steroids can make you bitchy and you say things you shouldn’t. Almost every chemotherapy treatment
includes steroids.
5. If the rules say you phone in if your temperature reaches 38, wait until it’s 39 because you know they’re
going to admit you and it’s so difficult to get out. A few admissions were avoided this way.
6. Being neutropenic is shit.
7. Few things can be as bad as the availability of food for someone with a dietary allergy in hospital.
8. If a line of treatment lasted for a year, that was good.
9. No more foreign holidays together, get sick on the flight out and it’s touch and go if you’re fit for the flight
home.
10. Penny’s beautiful, especially without hair.

The list is far longer than time permits.

In December 2018 Penny and Trevor purchased The Cottage in Lombard Street, Orston. Work was needed to make it suitable for the possibility/probability that Penny would end up in a wheelchair and a bedroom downstairs. Due mainly to covid the work took far longer that it should, but Penny created a lovely home that she was able to live in for all to short a time. Trevor still has a lot to do because as time went on Penny’s ability suffered so DIY, gardening, dog walking and so many other things were out of the question.

On Sunday the 26th March Penny had a temperature of 39.2 in the morning but took some paracetamol and it dropped, a bit, but by the evening it was back over 39 despite the paracetamol, she was admitted to the City Hospital that evening. She was very sick and sepsis was suspected, but although she was given large doses of intravenous antibiotics, intravenous feed and liquid, she cycled up and down, recovering and then regressing, tests coming back negative. She had a bone marrow biopsy a few weeks earlier which had indicated 70 to 80% of her bone marrow was myeloma and it was the myeloma that they concluded was causing the problems. Trevor asked Sarah, one of the myeloma nurses what she thought Penny’s life expectancy was, ‘weeks, maybe days’ was the reply for which he is eternally grateful, it gave him the certainty to call Ashley and get him here as soon as he could make it. Hannah liked the mention she got in the Orston bulletin, but unfortunately the Spring event wasn't the only reason she was here. We all enjoy the village events though and Penny was very happy to attend and help when she could.

Penny improved during the next week and Trevor might never have called Ashley. Trevor got Penny home from hospital on Easter Saturday and thanks to a few bags of blood and one of platelets she had a good couple of days, up and about with family visiting on Sunday and Monday. She took a downturn on Tuesday, not really getting out of bed and died on the Thursday just after 08.00, her loss is hard but Trevor is so glad that she was able to die at home, that he, Ashley and Jayne were at her side and that she was spared the heartache of saying goodbye to Ashley when he and Hannah had to return to Australia the next day.